Difficult Emotions(Guilt)

I wanted to create a new series of posts discussing different difficult emotions. I think it is important to understand our emotions, especially difficult ones, so that we can better cope with them. The first emotion I will discuss is guilt.

What is guilt: 

Guilt can be described as a conflict between the id, ego, and superego. These are concepts from the father of psychology Sigmund Freud. Freud describes the superego as the highly moral part of our subconscious. It is the part of us that fights against injustice and points out wrongs in others. The alter to this persona is the id or the primitive, unrestrained parts of our subconscious. Freud believed that the superego and the id are mediated by the ego, which represents a struggle for mental balance between these polar opposites. The conflict between the superego and the ego could also be associated with our guilt, or the conflicted feelings about one’s actions. Whether real or imagined, guilt is actually a feeling of responsibility or remorse for an offense or crime(study.com).

Why do we feel guilt:

We feel guilt when our actions don’t align with our values and morals. We feel guilt when we believe we are letting someone down, or hurting their feelings. We feel guilt when we react harshly to others, saying things we didn’t mean to say, or doing things that can be hurtful. We feel guilt when we hurt others. We feel guilt when we act out of character. Guilt can also be prevalent in empaths who chose others happiness over their own. They feel guilt, because they couldn’t make the other person happy. Guilt is an emotion, like all, that must be felt. You can’t eliminate guilt. We are sentient beings, but learning to limit the affect it has on you can be done.

What can we learn:

There is nothing wrong with you for feeling guilt. You are not a bad person for feeling guilt. If anything, it shows you are a caring individual. Guilt can be helpful, it shows us what we value and care about. It tells us when we are out of character. It allows us to learn from our mistakes. It helps strengthen relationships, and teaches us to be a better person. It shows we respect others, and shows we value others emotions and opinions.

Although, it can be helpful. There are times it can be unhelpful. When you attach negative thoughts to the emotion, and beat yourself down for feeling guilt. Sometimes we will hurt others for our own well-being, happiness, and stability. If someone gets hurt, it is there responsibility to cope with those feelings, not you. Everyone is responsible for their own feelings. There are boundaries that you as an individual should set. You will not like someone as much as they like you. There will be times when you don’t want to spend time with someone, even if they want to. Putting your priorities over others doesn’t make you a bad person. It cultivates mental stability and well-being. Now you shouldn’t intentionally hurt others, step all over people, and bring them down, but you shouldn’t do that to yourself for others as well.

Your mental health and happiness comes first. To help others, you got to help yourself first. You have to say no sometimes. You won’t always live up to the standards of others. You won’t want what others want. You will let others down, and others will let you down. That is what we call life. Learn to use guilt as a guide, or a lesson, rather than using it beat you down. There is no avoiding guilt, or any difficult emotion, so using it as a learning tool can put you in a better place. Emotions are guides, use them to your benefit when they arise. Remember, what can you learn from this emotion and go from there.

Mindful Reminder(Appreciation)

Appreciate the moment. Appreciate what you have. Appreciate the connections one have. Appreciate the things you are able to do. Appreciate the beautiful days. Appreciate the joyful moments.

Learning appreciation can help reduce the power of negativity in your life. Things may suck in life, but there is always something to appreciate. I may not enjoy being overwhelmed and overworked at work sometimes, but I do appreciate that I have a good paying job, nice people to talk to, and working here gave me an opportunity to enjoy a nice vacation at the beach.

This mindset has helped me reduce the negativity I associate with work. I can allow my struggles at work to consume my being with negativity, but I rather focus on the benefits. I rather focus on the good in my life. I rather look forward to the fun plans I have this month. This has helped keep my mind at peace through the storm.

I see some coworkers become consumed with negativity. Becoming easily triggered, angry, and frustrated for any little thing. I just choose not to walk that path. Life is too short, especially when work consumes the majority of your life. I choose to put my energy into positivity and appreciation. No matter what, the situation is what it is, it won’t change no matter how angry, or frustrated I get. I rather try to remain calm and at peace, and be happy, rather than raise my blood pressure, be angry, and negative.

Just remember by being negative, you also distance others from you, eliminating social support and connections, which humans need. Connections, talking to others, and laughing with others, can be very helpful and therapeutic. This is why spreading positive energy is important. Learning to appreciate life more can help cultivate positive energy, peace of mind and happiness.

Let the Emotion Be

I write this, because recently I was feeling lonely. I get this way from time to time, so i decided to get away from my screen, and just sit with the emotion. I sat on my bed, took deep breaths, took in the scenery of my outside window and plants. I decided to write my thoughts, did a word search, and just sat with the emotion. I tried not to judge it, to resist it, or create negative stories about the emotion. I reminded myself, like every emotion, this will pass. I can say, in about 10 minutes the feeling was gone.

I didn’t allow myself to wallow in it, to become a victim of it. I just let it be. Emotions come and go. We have this thought that it will last, which creates resistance, but emotions never last. Remind yourself that it will pass. Just allow yourself to feel. Giving yourself the time to sit with it, and accept it, allows one to move forward much sooner. We are sentient beings. Give yourself the freedom and space to feel. Difficult emotions are apart of being alive.

Letting Go of the Ego

One of the important things to be aware of when it comes to mindfulness is learning how powerful the ego is, and learning to strip the ego from taking control of us. The ego allows us to perceive ourselves as always right, or perfect.

It believes the world revolves around oneself. That the world should bend to our mercy. That things should go the way we want it to. This belief creates misery in our lives. It doesn’t allow for any criticism. It wants others to be available whenever it wants. It wants others to be happy when we are, and sad when we are.

It wants everyone to like and agree with it. The ego judges ourselves, others, and the world. It keeps us stuck in a cycle of anger, frustration, annoyance, and sadness. Although, these emotions are natural in human nature. Being stuck in them isn’t good for your mental health. The ego can also limit us from growing, because it refuses to be wrong, and open-minded to other opinions and beliefs.

The ego will always seep through, but you can always learn to reduce the affect it has on your state of mind. Once you learn to strip the ego of its power. Peace and freedom will follow.

Boundaries(Learning to Say No)

A personal boundary is a line/limit a person sets between another person to maintain their mental, emotional and physical health. It is important to set these boundaries with others, so you don’t get taken advantage of, or do things you don’t want to do just to keep the peace, or please others. It is okay to compromise and give in every once in awhile, but it should not be a consistent pattern. Doing this creates stress and misery.

It is important to stand your ground and be firm when you need to be. These type of talks are not easy, but they are necessary for the health of your relationship. You may feel uncomfortable and feel guilt, but you and the other individual will get over it. The longer you let the line crossing to continue. The harder it is to stop it, and the more stress and misery one will endure in the long run. This can also lead to anger, frustration, and resentment towards oneself and the other individual.

I had a fellow employee invite himself along with plans with friends. I found that to be rude, and he crossed a boundary for me. I like quality time with my friends, and he ruined that by inviting himself along. The first time I let it go, but after the second time, I had to put a stop to his behavior, so I did. After that situation, he has not invited himself anymore to my plans. This is the importance of letting someone know as soon as possible, so you can stop the behavior. You control how people to advantage of you, not the other individual. They do what you allow them to do.

You should not allow anyone to stray you away from your true self. You may want to keep the peace and not want conflict, but by doing this you create conflict within yourself. In the end it isn’t helpful for yourself, or the other individual. You have to remind yourself that you are not lesser, than the other individual. You deserve just as much peace and happiness as someone else. Your job isn’t to just please others, and bring yourself down.

You can choose to accept the behavior and put up with it, or you can stand firm and let them know. We have a right to do things that bring us joy. We have a right to feel the way we feel. We have a right to live how we want. We have a right to say no. You are not obligated to anyone. You are not responsible for how anyone feels. Remember there needs to be a balance. You don’t want to be to strict, but you don’t want to be too accepting. Once you are able to understand and implement your boundaries. Your life becomes a lot more stress and conflict free.

Mindful Reminder(Mindful Breaks)

Try not to let society pull you away from mindfulness practice. Try not to let society keep you stuck in distractions and busyness. Take some time to take a step back, and immerse in the moment. View the scenery around you. Listen to the sounds that surround you. Smell the scents in your vicinity. Take deep breaths and sit. Stretch your body. Do something you enjoy offline. It can be for 5 minutes, 30, a hour, or more. Any little bit helps center you back in to the moment. This can help bring a little peace and calmness to your life. Strive to remember to check in with yourself and the present moment. Your time to shine is always in the present moment. Your time to live is always in the present moment. The passage below is a great reminder for us not to get stuck in society’s busy train. Take a step back to replenish the mind, body, and soul when you can by mindful living.

Sitting With Boredom

It really is hard for us to just do nothing. We grab our phones, turn on our TV’s, or use the computer for some sort of stimulation. It is like our clutch to keep us away from the uncomfortable stillness. We don’t like boredom. We see it as bad, but boredom really isn’t bad for you, actually it can be good for you. Yes, that may sound strange, but hear me out.

I have been trying to keep my distance from too much stimulation, and tried to be more mindful, and accept boredom in my life. We try to escape boredom by any means possible, but boredom is part of life. You will be bored at times, and that is okay. Boredom like any emotion, just is, it isn’t good or bad. It is how we perceive it that makes it good or bad for us.

What we should do is learn to use boredom to our advantage, rather than use that time to distract us with nonsense, or wallow, or become depressed in the fact that you have nothing to do. I find myself to be the most creative, during these times. Boredom gives me the time to be in the moment. It allows me to think through my problems. It allows me to look into my goals. It gives me ideas of what I can do to improve my self and my well-being. I agree that it is uncomfortable to sit still, and be bored, but these moments can allow for some great insight and knowledge.

Our screens make it much easier to get away from the boredom, but by doing this we are getting away from an essential part of life. We have gotten so comfortable with the busy lifestyle of easy distractions. We forgot how to be bored. How to be still. Our ancestors did not have these easy distractions to fill the time, so it can be done. I have also fallen into the trap of when there is nothing to do, fill it with distractions of the screen, if its watching Youtube videos, scrolling social media, playing a game, even reading a book. I didn’t realize I can use that time of stillness and boredom to my advantage, because I didn’t want to sit with the uncomfortable feeling.

Boredom creates productivity, creativity, ideas, reflection, insight, knowledge. All needed to improve our goals and well-being. You can’t do this with constant busyness and stimulation. The problem with boredom is that we see it as a bad thing, which creates resistance. We can’t possibly have something to do at all times. There will be gaps. We live in a culture that praises the busy lifestyle, so we don’t feel to good about ourselves when we are doing nothing, but doing nothing is as necessary as doing something. You need the space to relax, rest, refresh, gain perspective.

To cope, and combat boredom blues. We got to learn to embrace and accept it. Sit with it more to understand the benefits it contains. Using the digital clutch keeps us away from reality, who we are, and how to live in the moment. Boredom is our rest. Our time to rest. Our time to think of our best ideas. Our time to think of excited, and fun plans for the future. The more I sit with it. The more comfortable I am with it. The more relaxed I am. Like anything, you need continuous practice to improve a skill. I have lots of plants, so it is nice just staring at them, or looking out the window, hearing the sounds of nature outside. It really is quite nice once you recognize the beauty of boredom.

I was trying to look up a quote on boredom, and by these quotes I can see why people have such negative thoughts on boredom. I just want to say, boredom isn’t the problem. Your thoughts on it are. It is not the emotion itself that creates turmoil, but your thoughts on it that does. When you are bored you create thoughts like, “This sucks.” “I should be doing something fun.” “My life is boring” etc,. As a human being. You can not constantly be moving. You can not constantly be busy. That is illogical to think this way. We feel guilt when we are not doing something fun, because we feel we have to. It is impossible to have something to do all the time, and even if you try. You will possibly burn out. You need space to be still. Life is about balance. Not one or the other. You need both to live a fulfilling life.

Dealing With Victim Mentality

This mindset holds the belief that the world, and others are against you. That one cannot change anything, so the individual does not bother to try. It creates helplessness. It creates dependency. They put the blame on others, and the world for their misfortune. One can be a victim, but one should try to eventually move forward, rather than stay stuck in the past. This mindset can leave you stuck in self-pity and blaming others, rather than searching from within to find solutions to help you improve your situation. I am not talking about victims of traumatic experiences, but rather people who make themselves victims in times of struggle.

Victim mentality keeps you a prisoner in a state of helplessness, paranoia, frustration, depression and misery, to name a few. The blame is on others, which makes it easier for the individual to sit back and do nothing. Although, others can be at fault. It isn’t helpful to put all your energy on blaming and hating others, and the world. You can’t control life situations, and you can’t control others. How exactly can that help you?

What we can use that energy on is making changes on an individual level. Focus on changing our thoughts, feelings, and actions towards the situation. Everyone will be wronged in life. Unfair crap will happen to everyone. We will all have a shot at a bad experience. No one is exempt. You can trap yourself in why me’s?, but honestly why not you? I can guarantee when you have a bad day, so our many others. The best way to cope is to accept the situation, learn, grow, and move forward. Each day will get better.

Just remember that you may perceive life as horrible, but in reality it is not all bad. Even through our struggles, there is also good in our lives. You may lose a job, but you still have a supportive family to help you out. Your car may break down, but you still got a roof over your head. You may break up with a partner, but you still have loving family and friends to lean on and talk to. We tend to blow up the negative, and downplay the positives.

It is normal to feel this way when something bad happens, and that is okay, but there is a point when you got to stop playing victim, and figure out a way to move forward, and grow on a personal level. You become stagnant when you focus your energy on changing others. It is easier to put the blame on others. It takes pressure off of us. You can’t make the world magically fit into what you would like. This attitude doesn’t make you feel better. It just makes you bitter, unproductive and miserable.

People will crap on you sometimes. People will do things that you perceive as hurtful and wrong. You may also do things that hurt others. Life isn’t black and white. There are more sides to the story, than your own. Bad things happen to good people, because bad things happen to everyone. Life is a lesson. Don’t focus your energy on being the victim. Focus on being a fighter instead. Having victim mentality takes away our accountability. It takes away our freedom of choice. It takes away our control to change.

I like to end things with a quote that fits well with this topic. I am really enjoying this book Radical Awakening by Dr.Shefali. She has such insight, and knowledge to become a truly awakened and authentic individual. I recommend picking this one up.

“When we realize that both the problem and the solution lie in ourselves, the process of change begins…Without this, even if the other person changes, we render ourselves beholden to their change. When we see ourselves as our own enslaver, we create a path towards liberation…When we release all external tethers, we unbridle our inner power and free ourselves to be unapologetically autonomous.” Dr.Shefali(Radical Awakening)

The Good and Bad

The world is full of good and bad moments. Good and bad people. Good and bad events. Wins and losses. Life and death. There is no black and white. All or nothing. The world has a balance. We can choose to focus on the positives or negatives. It is all in our hands, or minds. The world can be tumultuous, and it can be peaceful. It depends on the experience you are having at the moment. A bad day for you, can be a great day for another, and vice versa. The world can suck, but it can also be a wonderful place. There is beauty, and there is ugly.

I just wanted to put a reminder out there that life has its ups and downs. Its lows and highs. We may think all is bad or good, but in reality it is a mixture of both. Life isn’t a smooth, peaceful ride. As there is day and night. There is always light and darkness. It may be hard to see light in a cloud of darkness, but it is there. And although, it is wonderful to be bright, accept that darkness will come into your life. Be appreciative of the peaceful times, and accept the difficult times. Both experiences can be learned from. A bad experience, or horrific event can push you to only see the negative, but remember that light surrounds you. Hopefully it can seep into your life sooner, rather than later. Good and bad are all around us, which one would you rather focus on?

Quotes about Bad experience (129 quotes)

Give Yourself Space

Give yourself space and time to get away from the information overload or the distractions of the world. I sit here viewing the scenery of my plants in my room. I am listening to the sounds of the rain playing, and the thunder outdoors. I am looking at the grey clouds outdoors. It is quite nice to just sit and breathe. Giving my thoughts the air to breathe. I find this very relaxing and therapeutic.

I enjoy writing my thoughts on paper and meditating as well. Tending to my plants can also give me the space to be in the moment, and let my mind be at peace. It is important not to get stuck in distractions and a busy lifestyle. Take time to be still, and be in the moment. Enjoying the scenery and sounds around you. Allowing your thoughts, and emotions to flow through you, and be heard and understood. Take care of yourself, and everything will fall into place.

Give yourself the space to understand oneself, and deal with emotions you may have. It isn’t easy to sit still, believe me I find it difficult, but a little discomfort is good for us. We should always try to get out of our comfort zone every once in awhile. Take on the challenge. It can only help us build into a stronger individual. Strive to take care of yourself, be appreciative, and be mindful.

Give yourself space to enjoy the beauty of the outdoors and nature as well. I wanted to post this beautiful shot of my favorite place to walk and be at peace.