The Art of Complaining

Complaining is that act of expression of annoyance or dissatisfaction in something.  I like to write this post for my readers, so you don’t fall into the trap of complaining, whether it be receiving, or giving. Expressing our feelings of annoyance and dissatisfaction can be good for us. The problem lies is when it is consistent, constant, and negative. This is how complaining can be a problem for yourself and others.

Being a complainer, and being on the other end of a complainer cultivates negativity. Avoiding negativity is something we should try to do. Complaining can be burdensome, so it best to avoid this problem child at all cost.

There is a difference between complaining, and sharing your concerns. There is nothing wrong with sharing your concerns. Talking about what is bothering you can be helpful and therapeutic. This is about sharing your thoughts with someone, having someone listen,  showing compassion and empathy, and maybe them sharing their thoughts on the situation. The person may take things said into consideration, and come to a conclusion, or solution on their own. This is a healthy talk.

Now when someone talks about things in a negative light, only focusing on the negative of the situation, refuses to listen to others thoughts, refuses to find solutions or take action, and continues to talk about the same problem over and over again with absolutely no solution is when it becomes unhealthy, burdensome, and honestly rather annoying.

This behavior is toxic, negative, and pretty selfish on the individual’s part, if I say so. We must remember that the world doesn’t evolve around you, me, or anyone. Your problems are your problems, no one else’s. The individual is the only one who can fix the problem of the individual. Spreading your negativity to others just puts the complainer in a bad light among others.

A complainer should remember that we all have problems, and we don’t need more problems pushed on us. What if an individual is dealing with things, and wants to step away from their own problems, and wants to be positive, or be around positive energy?, but a complainer decides to push their negative behavior on to them, talking about all their problems, and creating negative energy. This then, pushes them back down to negativity.

This is something to think about when complaining. Everyone has their battles. No one is special in this aspect. Being compassionate, and understanding that others are struggling, and may not want your problems, and negativity is an important skill to have. It is also best as the receiver to stay away from a person with this bad habit. We must learn to keep negative energy away from ourselves.

We must learn as individuals that nothing beneficial comes from complaining. It creates negativity. It pushes people away from you, because really, who wants that type of negativity in their lives. It is also annoying and burdensome to deal with. It solves nothing, because the individual isn’t trying to find a solution. They just want others pity and sympathy, but the opposite tends to happen. The thing we must learn is to express our problems in a more constructive way, and the realization that the individual problems can only be fixed by the individual.

If you have a problem, talk to others, hear their thoughts, be realistic, and don’t make excuses. Look to figure out how to deal with the problem. If you do these things it will stop you from a consistent pattern of complaining about the same thing.

You are in control of how things work out in your life. We must try to make a positive impact on ourselves and others, not cultivate negative energy. We must build others up, support them. Avoiding complaining is one way to do so.

Image result for complaining quotes

 

Start Your Day With A Blank Slate

I always think how you start your day is important. Now what do I mean by this title? It means having no expectations for the day, good, or bad. You think, how can I have no expectations? It can be difficult, but awareness of expectations can be helpful.

Expectations can lead to negativity. Whether you are expecting it to be a bad day, or a good day. Now expecting it to be a bad day is an obvious one. Thinking it will be a bad day will have your mind set on negativity. Your mind will seek out negativity. Anything that goes wrong will amplify, because your thoughts are negative. If you think it will be a bad day, than you will see the world in a negative light. It is the laws of attraction. A self-fulfilling prophecy.

Now expecting a good day may seem like a good idea, but that can also lead to negativity. So why is that? If you are expecting a good day, and a problem, or mishap occurs. It can be really upsetting, and completely ruin your day. It can put you in a state of negativity, because you were expecting a smooth, challenge free day, but what you have seen from my blog posts, life doesn’t happen that way. Life is unexpected.

This is why expectations can be problematic. You can hope for a good day. You can hope for things to go smooth. You can be aware that today may go either way, but you will get through it no matter what. Start your day clear of expectations, and go with the flow can be the most peaceful way to get through your day.

Meditation Practices

Meditation practices help keep the mind calm. It helps keep us at peace. Many people think it is about avoiding thoughts, but it is more about embracing them, and not allowing the thoughts to consume you. Meditation helps the thoughts flow, instead of linger.

There are many different practices you can try. It is always great to have a handful of different ones you can try, since some work better than others depending on the situation. We are all different, so some may suit you more than others.

I will list some that may be helpful to try, the first couple I found online, or in books. The last two I created myself, along my journey of practicing. I have tried all these practices of course, and they all have been helpful one way, or the other.

  • Transcendental Meditation-This is a practice where you come to a state of no thoughts. You transcends your thoughts. It is the art of no thinking. If you do have thoughts, become aware, and allow the thoughts to flow out of you. Now people ask, how can you have no thoughts and just be? It is possible if you are persistent, and keep pushing through your thoughts. Eventually the thoughts will calm down, and fade. You will just be. It is quite peaceful when you are at that state, but pretty difficult to get there if you are a beginner, or don’t practice much. It can happen, but takes patience.
  • Waking Meditation-I say this one is one of the easiest. This one you don’t have to sit still. This practice is more active. This includes, Mindful eating, mindful brushing, mindful walking, mindful showering etc… This is about being mindful of the things you do through out the day. Things you normally don’t pay attention. You give more attention to. It is about focusing on the moment. Focusing on the feelings, sensations, reactions you have to doing that particular activity. You become aware of the things you never noticed while eating, brushing, cleaning, showering or walking. It brings a whole new experience to a normally mundane activity.
  • Mindfulness Meditation-Quite similar to the first one, but not as intense. You start by sitting. Focus on breaths. Breath in and out. The idea is to keep focusing on your breaths. If thoughts pop up. Focus your attention back on your breaths. This keeps you in the moment, and calms the mind. You can also focus on your senses around you(the sounds, the smells, the sensations of sitting, or on the body). I usually visualize myself on a beach, or in nature, while doing this as well. The point is to keep your mind in the present, and not have all your thoughts overwhelm you.
  • Visualization-I have spoken about this one in another post. This practice is more of a motivational factor to reach your goals, and dreams. You just visualize what you want. Imagine what you want to happen. Imagine how it feels to reach that dream. Imagine what you are doing, where you are, what positive changes it made, how it made your life after it happened. Be specific. Add dialogue, feelings, sensations. This is a good practice to get you on the path to where you want to be in life.
  • Negative to Positive Imagining– I really liked this practice when I tried it. First you sit, think of a worry, or problem. Then imagine the worst case scenario, which is always easiest for us. Then stop thinking, and notice the feelings, and sensation one has. Immerse yourself in those feelings, and what it does to the body. After that, you switch it up. You do the same thing, but think of a positive outcome(this is always harder). Then you dial that feeling up from 1 to 10. Doing this helps cultivate peace of mind. This practice should help you feel a bit more positive about the problem, or worry you have. It is quite an interesting practice to try.
  • Sensory Meditation-In this practice, you use your senses to guide you. This practice is about focusing your attention on any of the senses. Light incense, use body lotions/oils, play music/nature sounds,take a bath. Focus on the particular sense you are using for this practice.
  • Release Meditation-Bring forth the thing that is cultivating negative emotions, a worry, or problem. Inhale-immerse in it(the thoughts, emotions, sensations, reactions). This process help you understand, and accept the worry, or problem. Exhale-release the negative energy out of you. This process can be repeated as long as you need. Sometime the thoughts will keep lingering, until you are ready to move on.
  • Flowing River/Wave Exercise-This is visualizing your thoughts as waves, or as a river. Whenever you have worries, or lots of overwhelming thoughts. Imagine a river, or wave of an ocean. Become aware of what is bothering you, then throw it into the river, and let it flow. If you have lots of thoughts, imagine all the thoughts flowing through the river. Go through each thought one by one as they flow through the river, like when you see an object flowing through a river. Become aware, and let it flow. You can also imagine your thoughts as waves rising(become aware of the thought), and crashing(letting it go).

Now meditation takes concentration and patience. It isn’t for everyone. I have difficulty sitting still as well, but these are good practices to give a try if you like to practice meditation. It definitely has its benefits. I hope these are helpful to you guys.

Image result for meditation quotes

The Busy Mind

Our minds are always buzzing with information. Even when we are sleeping our minds are flooded with dreams constantly. It can be hard to calm the mind down at times, especially when you have a lot of things running through your mind.

The best thing to do when your mind is overwhelmed with lots of thoughts. Is to take deep breaths in and out, and center yourself to the present moment. If you are doing a task, try to focus your energy on that task. If you are not busy. Focus on an object, or your surroundings. Take a look outside, and enjoy the scenery.

Thoughts will continue flooding your mind, but if you continue doing the things above. The mind will eventually calm down. Patience is key. When your mind is calm. Solutions become clear.

Image result for the busy mind

Taking A Step Back

I can’t stress enough how important it is to take a step back, and be mindful whenever you are annoyed, stressed, upset, or angry at someone or something. It is best not to react in these situations.

I recently experienced a stressful situation at work, but I decided not to lash out at the people I felt upset me. I decided to take a step back, not react, and breathe in and out. Once I was able to do this. I was able to clearly analyze the situation. What happened?, why it happened?,  how I can cope?, and handle the situation? I was also able to do some perspective taking.

I realized that the stress was created not from them, but from my mindset, and my perspective. I realized that not everyone stresses about the things I do, and we all are different. I may like things planned and organized, but they may not see things that way, or maybe there was a reason why things happened the way it did. It is upsetting when things don’t go the way I want to, but this is something I have to learn to cope with. I shouldn’t take it out on others.

We must realize the world does not revolve around you, me, or anyone else. This is important to remember. This is something we all seem to forget, which is why many conflicts arise. It is okay to be upset, stressed, annoyed etc… The problem is how you react to those emotions. We all have something that bugs us, but we must learn to be aware, understand, and accept that part about us, and learn to handle things in a mindful way.

There are three steps to handling upsetting situations mindfully. First, take a step back. Do not react. Then take deep breaths in and out(continue doing this), and this will lead you to analyze the situation more clearly. Now why I say reacting doesn’t help is because it can make a little problem persist longer than it should if you do so. You can end up feeling guilt, shame, and even resentment for yourself if you end up reacting, and lashing out. You don’t want this.

After the episode ended. My emotions eventually faded, and my day went on normally. I did not feel guilt, or shame, because I was able to handle the situation in a mindful way. I was back to being happy again. This is important to remember that your emotions will eventually fade, but the behaviors from your actions can last much longer. It may possibly ruin your whole day, and make you even more upset.

This is hard at first, and may be difficult at times, but it is something to try to work on. This can benefit you greatly, and cause less problems in your life. It can help little problems remain that way, so that they don’t turn into big ones. It can help you go on about your day like nothing happened. This is for your peace of mind.

Wind Down Time

We all need a little wind down time. After a day of work, or after a busy day, or after doing anything physically, or mentally draining. It is good to take a moment to relax the mind, and body, and just sit still.

Sitting still is quite an arduous task. Humans struggle to stay still. We want to keep busy, distract ourselves. But this can be exhausting for our minds, and bodies. It is a nice feeling to just sit still, and relax. It could only be for a couple of minutes. Just that bit of time can be good for you. Our minds and body need this time.

We owe our minds and bodies this relaxation time. It could be helpful to keep us at peace. It is about self-control, and training our mind, and body to be still, and relax. Your body, and mind have been running around all day. It is time to relax.

You can try by sitting in a comfortable place in your house. Just sit, and breathe. Relax the body, and allow the mind to flow, with no judgments. Let thoughts flow from the day. Try not to let anything linger. You can even have a timer set, so you don’t have to do it for long. If you have other things you want to get done. That bit of time can be helpful.

If just sitting is too difficult, which it can be. You can focus on something in your surroundings, look around. If you have a window. You can look at the scenery outside. You can also start doing some mindful writing. I am always able to think of ideas and creative stuff when I do this wind down exercise.

This is all about giving your mind and body that time to relax, refresh, and rejuvenate itself. Times like these can help us learn about ourselves, answer questions, and cultivate creative ideas. So why wouldn’t we want this down time? We should all try to give ourselves this time. It can be helpful for our peace of mind. We don’t want to drain ourselves, or exhaust ourselves too much. Give yourself a break. We deserve a little wind down time.

Image result for relaxing mind and body quotes

Image result for relaxing mind and body quotes

Working on Goals:Setting Intentions

Achieving goals can be rewarding. It can help Improve your well-being and sense of self. Although there are benefits to creating goals, and implementing them. It can be hard for most people to sustain the goals. It can be difficult to remain consistent, and continue to achieve the goals in place.

I have set many goals this year, and I have been able to be consistent and motivated, because of some tools I have set in place. I will list some things that have been helpful in staying on the path to reach my goals. Hopefully these can be helpful for you as well. Some of these listed have also been mentioned by others as well.

1.Be Motivated.Well duh,right? It sounds simple enough, but this is very important. This has to be something you really want to do, not because someone else is telling you to do it, or not because you feel you have to do it. That will never work. The goal has to be something that is important to you.

2.List your Goals. This creates a sense of accountability when you write down your goals. If you just think it in your head. There is no accountability, or concrete evidence of the goal you want to reach. If it is written down. Now you will see evidence of what you want to do, and it can motivate you to get it done, so you can check it off your list of the goal that was achieved. Oh yeah, it is good to check them off as you achieve each goal. That can give you a sense of accomplishment. I usually check them off at night, but you can do it after the goal is done to stay on track, or in the middle of the day. I am pretty used to my schedule, so it isn’t hard to keep track, so it easier to do it at night(weekdays), or in the middle of the day(weekends), since I get most of my goals done in the morning. It is up to you, and what is best for you. Below is a link of some goal journals you can try. I just recently bought one to stay on track.

https://www.amazon.com/slp/goal-and-gratitude-journal/2juhc2w3j3htbs2

3.Take Steps, increments. When people create goals, they tend to try to do too much. For example, if you want to lose weight. A person may think about going to the gym 5 times a week, since that is the best way to lose weight, but it may not be the best idea to start out that way. Maybe one, or two times a week would be better.

You may think that won’t help you lose weight faster, but you got to think long-term, and people tend to think short-term, but if you think that way. The goal will fail, because of how demanding, and difficult the task is for someone who barely, or never worked out.

No one wants to do something that is too demanding. That is why it is best to start small, because it is much easier, and manageable to do simpler task, and you will most likely stay with the goal, because of the simplicity, which will eventually lead you to want to increase the goal when you get habituated to the simpler task. You really got to think long-term, rather than short-term when creating a goal. It is a marathon, not a sprint.

4.Set Modest,achievable goals. Pretty similar to the one above. Just try not to create a goal that is too demanding or difficult. You will most likely not want to keep doing it if it is too hard. Who wants to do anything difficult in life? Make it easier for yourself by doing something that is manageable. Also, try not to have too many goals, so that it gets overwhelming. Try to space it out if it is too much, or move it to another day. You want to have some breathing room. This is about being productive and relaxed, not busy and overwhelmed.

5.Make goals specific: For example, try not to list, ‘I want to lose weight,’ ‘I want to cook more,’ or ‘I want to eat healthier.’ These are way too broad, and it makes it harder to implement a plan of action. It may be better to say, ‘I will work out two days a week for an hour,’ ‘I will cook on the weekends for dinner’, or ‘I will eat a fruit everyday.’ These goals give you an idea, and a plan of what you can do to achieve your goals.

Although these are listed by numbers, none is more important than the other. I think all of these things have to come together to be able to stay consistent on the goals you want to achieve. And I am sure there are some other things that can be helpful as well, but these listed have been helpful on my goal journey, and many others, so it may be beneficial to try these things when trying to reach a goal/goals in life.

Image result for reaching goals quotes

Image result for reaching goals quotes

Image result for reaching goals quotes

Acceptance of Impertinence

We as human have difficulty dealing with impertinence, but not being able to cope with it can create discomfort in our lives. We must learn that everything ends, and nothing stays the same. Accepting impertinence is the ability to accept change, and loss in our lives.

The human need to find permanence is an opportunity for suffering to arise. Humans fight change and loss. We do whatever we can to avoid it to protect ourselves, and keep us in a safe bubble. Doing this is quite paradoxical, because even though you may think you are protecting yourself. You are hurting yourself more, and creating more suffering by avoiding the inevitable.

Change and loss are reality. There is no avoiding it, but a mindfulness mindset can help you cope with it. The best thing you can do is accept it. Many people see it as having a negative mindset, but avoiding the reality creates a negative mindset. Accepting reality creates a positive mindset, because when the inevitable happens. You will be able to handle it better, and bounce back quicker. You may even be able to see the bright side in the situation.

This is all part of being mindful. Acceptance of difficult situations is key to our peace of mind and happiness. Permanence is not reality. Once you are aware, understand, and accept it. Peace of mind will follow.

Morning Mindfulness Tips to Start Your Day Right

Mindfulness activities to brighten up your day

  • Meditation
  • Being Mindful of your morning routine-Immerse yourself in all the activities one does in the morning
  • Sit still and relax-try not to worry about all the things that need to be done, it will get done eventually, just take a step back, and calm the mind
  • Light some incense
  • Think positive thoughts before you walk out the door
  • Look at inspirational, positive quotes to start your day
  • Yoga
  • Journal writing

-Write down whatever comes to mind after a good night sleep

-Write down things you appreciate

-Write down positive things about yourself, your life, and your job

-Write down your goals for the day, or even the future

  • Take a walk outside, or take a couple of minutes to enjoy the view from your window
  • Read, or do an activity that may stimulate the mind
  • Look at inspirational, positive quotes to brighten your day

 

Try your best not to rush out the door in the morning. How you start your morning will reflect the rest of your day. If you are rushing. You may want to get up a bit earlier, so you have time to do these activities, and relax the mind before heading out to the stressful and busy world. It is important to start your day right.

Helpful Tips When Dealing With Anxiety or Depression

 

  • Sit with the emotions.
  • Do not fight, or push them away:

-It permeates negativity, negative self-talk.

  • Ruminate over the thoughts and emotions one is feeling during your episode.
  • Gain knowledge of the triggers, and the causes of your anxiety/depression.
  • Accept the feelings for what it is:

-it sucks, but part of life, and who you are.

-Try not to ask why questions-why me? Why can’t this go away?

-It solves nothing, and promotes negativity.

-Your life does not suck, because of this disorder.

-You are not awful, because of this disorder.

  • Remember that the emotions/feelings will fade.
  • Emotions come in waves/they are not stagnant.
  • There will be sunshine again.
  • And it will pour again, but that is okay.
  • Accept that anxiety and depression are part of who you are.
  • Accept that it will never go away.
  • Accept that anxiety/depression episodes are out of your control.
  • But remember, You can gain power back by accepting it in your life, and learning how to cope with the symptoms better.
  • Knowledge is power-learn triggers, causes, and how you can handle episodes better.
  • Self-Awareness is power-Focus the energy on oneself. Do not put blame outward. You can’t control outside forces, but you can control your thoughts, and how you handle things from within.
  • And always remember that it is okay to have anxiety or depression.

-You are not wrong.

-You are not awful.

-You are not weird.

  • Acceptance is vital-Acceptance of oneself, of reality, of your disorder cultivates inner peace, happiness, and relief.