Coping With Rejection

No one likes to be rejected, but there are some who can cope with it, and others who have difficulty handling rejection. This type of fear of rejection can cause difficulty in relationships, depression, negative self-talk causing a web of internal attributions to the rejection. Some perceive rejection as something being wrong with them, they perceive it as not being lovable, acceptable, or respected. A person with a fear of rejection may have the “clinical syndrome called Rejection Sensitivity (RS) that can undermine your well-being. To you, being refused in love, career, or friendship means something is wrong with you. You have difficulty separating out self-worth and lovability from having a desire or need unreturned. In your mind, if you were only better looking, more agreeable, powerful, wittier, smarter, or thinner, you would have what you want”(Psychology in everyday life). 

Some see rejection as something is wrong with them. They don’t look at things on an external level. I believe having self-acceptance, self-worth, and self-love is an important thing to have to be able to combat the fear of rejection. If you accept oneself and know your worth. One wouldn’t perceive rejection as something’s wrong with them. Sometimes things just don’t work out, or maybe their isn’t much chemistry to the relationship, or maybe there is something about you they aren’t fond of, but that doesn’t mean you are unlovable, unattractive, or unappealing. One person should not validate your worth. Just a reminder, not everyone will like you, and you will not like everyone. Sometimes people just don’t click. Trying to please someone, or make them happy just for you to be liked is a recipe for disaster, and can lead to unhappiness. The thing is, one cannot control how others think of you, but one can control of how you feel and think about oneself, and that is most important. If you know your worth. You won’t fear rejection, or perceive it as something’s wrong with you. The same thing goes for your career life. You may not get the promotion, or a job offer, or one may not like your work. You should not feel down about the situation. One must know that you are doing your best, and if one needs to improve, then it is a good way to challenge yourself. You didn’t get that job, then there will be another job willing to see your worth. Rejection is not the end. There are plenty of jobs and people out there. Being rejected by one job, or person should not destroy your self-worth, and if rejection happens many times. It may be time to make changes to oneself, or one’s life. One should always be willing to improve and challenge oneself.

Now I know saying this is easier said and done. And there are people who has had their worth beaten and broken. It can be from abuse, bullying, etc. This cultivates rejection sensitivity. Hopefully people with rejection sensitivity see a therapist, or get help from someone  who can build up their self-worth and self-acceptance, so they no longer fear rejection.

In the article I read, they mentioned three things that can help you cope with rejection that can be helpful as well.

1.Rejection is state of meaning. It’s true, you can be denied by a person or a situation. But, you decide what rejection means to you, by the way you explain the situation to yourself. Many of you tell me that you are “destroyed” and “can’t go on living” because your affection was unreturned or you didn’t get into the school or job of choice. When you assign life and death meaning to being refused, you have nowhere to go but broken and down.

2.Rejection is a state of bodyResearch shows that a nervous system that is braced on threat is also fixed on perceiving rejection. You perceive rejection like a ferocious tiger was running toward you. But, instead of fighting the situation you fear, you have learned to avoid people and situations that put you at risk of rejection. You may feel safe in the short-term. But, in the long-term, you are avoiding the exact experiences that you need to reduce your fear and grow in the process (Science Daily, Pain Sensitivity and Social Rejection).

3.Rejection informs you as to what you need to grow. Everything that happens to you is grist for personal development, including rejecting experiences. Perhaps, the toughest and also best learning experiences are those in which needs and desires are frustrated. If everything went your way, you’d have little to make you stop and think about what you really need to learn and grow. What a shallow person you’d be, indeed.




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