Building Healthy Relationships

Trust, Respect, love, attention, communication, compromise, and commitment are things mentioned that make up a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship can bring much more joy and happiness to one’s life. The thing is many people struggle to find a healthy relationship, and end up being in one that can be toxic. It is better for our well-being to bring more positive relationships into our lives, rather than negative ones.

Building a healthy relationship is very important in life. This can be for significant others, family or friendships. It is important maintaining healthy relationships. Having someone who we enjoy being around can bring joy, happiness, and enrich our lives. Healthy relationships can also impact us in a positive way. So what goes into a healthy relationship? How does one have a healthy relationship? There are many factors. Here are some I believe can help cultivate a healthy relationship.

The most important factor is first learning to love and accept oneself. You really should know who you are as a person before getting into a serious relationship. I think being mentally stable is also important. You can’t build a relationship if you haven’t built yourself.

It is important to work on yourself first, then work on having a great relationship afterwards. Many people rush into relationships before they are mentally and emotionally mature to handle it. This is what causes problems in a relationship. If you go into a relationship thinking that this person will help improve your self-esteem, or self-image that is not a healthy way to go into a relationship. Self-love comes from you. Your significant other can motivate you and make you a better person, but that has to come naturally. It isn’t something you should force. It is not another person’s responsibility to make you feel good about yourself. That type of pressure is a recipe for disaster. This is why accepting and loving yourself from within you is important.

Remember it isn’t two halves becoming one, but two wholes, becoming a bigger and stronger whole. You are not two halves coming together to make one, but two wholes coming together. In a healthy relationship you both may strengthen each others weaknesses and may help each other to become a better person. That is part of a healthy relationship, but it should happen organically. Everyone should want to grow and improve in life, so it is great to have a significant other, or friend help bring the best out of you. But it all start with you. When you accept and love yourself as a person. It will be easier to have trust and respect in the relationship.

Jealousy in a relationship is due to insecurities, and low self-esteem of an individual. This is not something you want. Also, if you know who you are, then it will be easier for you to know what you want in a significant other. You can weed out the bad seeds a lot easier. When you know your self-worth. You will seek out individuals who will treat you well with love and respect, and you will be less likely to deal with someone who will treat you like crap. We all deserve someone who will treat us with love and respect, but if you don’t have self-love. You will most likely date someone who doesn’t treat you well.

Another factor to a healthy relationship is independence. I think people lose their independence and identity when they are with someone. This is a recipe for disaster. It is great to be together, but everyone needs their space. A couple should not spend all their time together. Both partners should have their time to themselves, hanging out with their own friends, doing their own them. It will keep the novelty in the relationship, so you both won’t get sick of each other. Being with the same person all the time can get boring, and it can lose the spark and interest in the relationship. It is important to have your own life and identity in a relationship, so that when you come together you can talk and learn more from each other.

There are times when your significant other may not enjoy the things you do, so it is best to do those things on your own, or with good friends. It isn’t healthy to only do things that your significant other wants to do, or vice versa. You both should do things you enjoy. If you both enjoy the same things, great! Have a great time together. There also times when you don’t enjoy the same things, and that is when you do your own thing and enjoy what you love. Don’t let anyone hold you back from doing what you enjoy to do, but you also shouldn’t force someone to do something they don’t enjoy either. Many people in relationships want to do everything together, but that isn’t very healthy, and leads to unhappiness in the relationship to eventually breaking up. I am not saying always do your own thing, but in life there should always be balance.

Trust, respect, honesty, equality, support are all parts of a healthy relationship. The two factors I discussed cultivate these things. Self-love and maintaining your individuality are important factors to building a healthy relationship.

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Finding Validation From Within

Do you love yourself? Do you value yourself? Do you accept yourself? Many people struggle with these concepts. People tend to be negative, critical, and judgmental of themselves.

I have written about Self-Love/Self-Acceptance in the past, but I always think this is a topic that should continuously be discussed, since many struggle with it. There are a couple of ways that can build your concept of self-love, self-worth, and self-acceptance.

Self love and acceptance comes from within. Seeking outside sources for approval can be detrimental to your well-being, and concept of self. It is always best to find validation within yourself. This is where the power lies. Now being praised, rewarded, and complimented is wonderful, but if you don’t  appreciate yourself. They really don’t mean anything.

Learning to accept your flaws is important for a healthy self-concept. Perfection does not exist in this world, and it does not exist in humans. There are things you may not like about yourself. There are mistakes you will make. It is all a part of being human, and that is okay. Remind yourself that perfection is unattainable. This can help lessen the burden of self-hatred, and criticism.

Another important thing is to remember you may not be the best. You may not be the most beautiful, most skilled, most talented etc., but you do have you own beauty, talent, and skills that makes you unique, that makes you, you. It is about learning to appreciate your strengths, and putting focus on them. You may not be the best. You may not be perfect. But there are strengths that you can build on, and focus on. Appreciate your talents!

Remember, you can’t control outside sources, but you can control your thoughts about yourself. You can’t force others to accept, appreciate, and love you. How others feel, and think about you is out of your control. The one thing you can control is how you think of yourself. The best thing is to work on how you think, and feel about yourself.

There are a couple of concepts that can boost your self-worth/self-love/self-acceptance.

  1. Accepting you are not the best/make comparisons.
  2. Accepting your flaws.
  3. Focusing on strengths.
  4. Not seeking outside sources.

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Be Kind to Yourself

Silencing negative self-talk is very important for your well-being. It is easy to see oneself in a negative light, but it does not benefit you at all to think that way. These thoughts will hold you back in life. It will cultivate negativity, misery, and stress. This is why you need to be more mindful, caring, and compassionate towards one self. Perceive yourself in a positive light.

     Try saying 5 positive things about yourself. I want you to try to see yourself in a positive light. Be mindful of the negative self-talk, and switch it to a more positive self-talk. I am sure you are not horrible, untalented, suck at life, not smart etc,. Believe you are smart, strong, motivated, talented.

     Once you start seeing the positive. Confidence will follow. You will feel better about yourself, and be motivated to do things for yourself, and do things that make you happy. If you don’t think you deserve anything, or you feel worthless. Most likely life won’t be as satisfactory as you want. No one is perfect, but there are plenty of positive things about yourself that you should embrace and explore.

     Think to yourself, ‘I am not perfect, but I am the best I can be.’ Focus on improving yourself, and not comparing to others. Have confidence in yourself. Stop the negativity, and hate towards yourself. That does you no good. Negativity brings more negativity. It cultivates a self-fulfilling prophecy. These negative thoughts are mental, not facts.

     It is not about being perfect, and thinking you are better than others. It is about seeing yourself in a better light, and not putting all your attention on the negative. You are amazing, unique, fantastic, creative, intelligent, passionate etc,. Show some self-love and appreciation.

Self-Love=Acceptance

Most people are not aware that self-love comes from acceptance. They may think it comes from external things- beauty, money, objects, other people, achievements- but that is not the case. It comes from accepting yourself, your unique qualities, your flaws, your strengths.

Understanding your true nature, what makes you happy, sad, what triggers your emotions, why you do the things you do, what you want in life. Knowing, and learning about yourself cultivates self-love.

You can’t find it outside yourself. Once you are able to accept, and appreciate who you really are. Self-love will emerge, and set you free. This doesn’t happen over night. It takes time, but can be done, and should be for your well-being.

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The Hidden Abuse

Discussed this subject with a friend, and it inspired me to write a post about emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is just as bad, and maybe even worse than physical abuse. The hurt and pain may not be as observable as physical abuse. It is more covert. It affects your sense of self, and cultivates feelings of low self-worth and esteem. It has you always question if you are good enough. It does a lot of damage to someone mentally and emotionally. The mental/emotional wounds can be problematic, and make it hard for someone to move one, and realize their worth.

It is truly unfortunate that a person feels the need to bring another down, because they don’t have enough love for themselves. It is all about self-love. If you love and embrace yourself; One wouldn’t feel the need to bring someone else down. I hope anyone dealing with this gets the help they need, and learns that they are not any of the hurtful, negative things abusers tell them. It is a reflection of them, not you.

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Embrace Your Unique Beauty

The problem is we try to be like everyone else, instead of just trying to be our own unique, quirky self. Focus on your unique beauty. We are all beautiful in our own way. How boring it would be if we were all the same. Strive to be yourself, not to be like, or look like others. That is them, you are you. Be too focused on loving and accepting yourself to worry about, or envy others. We all have something special about us. It is about finding it.

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Take Time for Yourself

Reminder to love yourself, to take care of yourself, and do things for yourself. Try not to worry about what others think. Focus on yourself. Of course you should care about others, but your happiness, and health should be top priority. For parents that may be difficult, but remember you can’t be the best parent you can be, if you don’t take care of yourself. Also, always try to strive to grow and evolve personally, mentally and spiritually. It can bring fulfillment and happiness into your life.

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