Be Honest With Your Story

I watched a very inspirational TED Talk by a therapist Lori Gottlieb. I found her talk to be very inspiring and insightful. It made me think about this topic. She talks about the stories we tell ourselves and others that serve our ego, but doesn’t necessarily help us in real life.

What do I mean by stories? These are encounters about our lives we retell ourselves and others. It may do with arguments, disagreements, relationship struggles, life struggles etc,. We tend to tell stories from our point of view. We tend to see ourselves as the victim, the good guy, telling the story to make us look like the good guy. In reality, there is always three sides to the story, your side, their side and the reality. I won’t say this type of storytelling is on purpose. It is our way of protecting ourselves. We are hurt, so it is comforting to reflect blame on others and the world. Even if it may not be helpful. It helps to put the pressure off oneself. But by doing this, it also puts control away from oneself.

The thing is we like to label people and situations. This person is awful, bad, annoying etc,. Life sucks, things never go my way, bad things always happen to me etc,. We should try to be honest with ourselves and look into the reality of what is going on. You may even learn to see your own faults in the situation. You are not perfect, they are not perfect, life is not perfect. There is no right or wrong. It is just different perspectives. It is important to be honest with your story. Tell your story. It is okay to be hurt and share your feelings, but remember to also look into the story of the other perspective.

Maybe that person was a ‘jerk’ for a reason? Maybe that person got upset for a reason? Maybe there are other reasons the relationship didn’t work, other than they cheated, or are a jerk. Maybe there is another reason they aren’t talking to you? Think about what exactly caused the situation or reaction, instead of being in defensive mode and seeing things in terms of black and white. All situations have an underlying truth and reasoning. There is a root cause. We all have different backgrounds, upbringings, personalities. How you see things, won’t necessarily be how another sees it. Learning to be aware of the reality of our stories is a wonderful gift to have. That can help us manage difficult situations much better.

We tend to ignore and label people and situations. But we must remember our stories are from our perceived mind. We should learn to be aware that are stories aren’t always based on truth. Be honest with yourself. Also be honest with others. It is hard to tell others how we truly feel/think, but it is the one way to come to an understanding. Another way is to look at their perspective and see their story. It is not about the mindset of you are right, they are wrong. You are the victim, they are the problem. I am good, they are bad and vice versa. It isn’t that simple.

Sometimes you got to look at, maybe I was wrong, maybe I helped create some problems in this relationship, maybe I could have done more to help my situation. There is nothing wrong with being honest with your faults. It is not about self-blame or criticism.This is about having self compassion and respect for your imperfect qualities as a human being. Doing this can only help you grow and improve. Remember you can’t help others change, but you can do things for yourself. Asking yourself, how could I have handled the situation better?, what can I improve on? These questions can be very empowering and can only help your journey to self growth. This can allow you to not continue to do the things that creates problems in your life.

All this can help you grow and become a better version of oneself. This will allow you to come to an understanding. It will allow you to have peace of mind. Worrying, being angry, bitter upset about what others, and what life has done to you serves you no purpose. It is human to have these feelings and you should, but there is a time to come to an understanding, look within yourself, improve what you could have done and move forward. Learning to change your story.

So what is the point of my post. Here are the things to take from this.

  1. Be honest with the story you tell yourself(it starts with you)
  2. Be honest with the story you tell others(communication is the key to understanding others and others understanding you.
  3. Look into the stories of others(look at different perspectives)
  4. Put control back on you/Change your story(We are as trapped as our minds/thoughts are.We can do whatever we want if we don’t allow our thoughts to control us.)
  5. Understand and accept the reality of the stories we tell of our lives

People will hurt you. Life will hurt you. This is all part of life. You can focus on the story of how they hurt you, or you can focus on the story of how you can learn, and grow from the hurt. You can change you. Others and life not so much. Do what you can control. Focus your story on you and your growth.

Self-Care

Selfcare is any activity that we do deliberately in order to take care of our mental, emotional, and physical health. Although it’s a simple concept in theory, it’s something we very often overlook. Good selfcare is key to improved mood and reduced anxiety(Psychcentral.com).

Self-care is important to maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself. It means doing things to take care of our minds, bodies, and souls by engaging in activities that promote well-being and reduce stress. Doing so enhances our ability to live fully, vibrantly, and effectively. The practice of self-care also reminds both you and others that your needs are valid and a priority(activeminds.org).

Here are two definitions of self-care. I thought I should do a post on this topic, because I believe most people forget to apply this in life. And I think it is important, during these times to have some self-care. It is important to nourish your mind, body and soul. It is a wonderful thing to do things for ourselves. We like to help others, but sometimes forget to help ourselves, and that can be a downfall for some.

Having some self-care time can help one become healthier, happier, refreshed and more at peace. Agnes Wainman explained, self-care is “something that refuels us, rather than takes from us.”(Psychcentral.com). I really like that explanation. Self-care is about doing something that benefits oneself physically, mentally,spiritually and emotionally.  I like to list some things you can do to apply self-care in your lives. There are many things one can do to practice self-care.

  • Take a walk(probably one of my favorite things to do, and always recharges me, and makes me feel refreshed)
  • Give yourself a pedicure/manicure
  • Meditate(another thing that relaxes my mind and body.
  • Exercise(it is important for the body and mind to get at least 30 minutes of activity a day)
  • Mindful time(avoiding distractions and allowing time to be with yourself and your thought can help you find peace and clarity)
  • Eat nutritional foods(your body and mind need the right amount of nutrients to thrive)
  • Take a hot bath
  • Apply lotions/oils to body
  • Journal(always good for oneself to get our thoughts out to the world, it is also helpful to look back on your words to see how you have grown as an individual, or how far you have come)
  • Listen to your favorite music
  • Read a book
  • Go outside and lay down,watch the clouds, or look at the stars-depending on the time of day
  • Put on a homemade facemask
  • Have a splurge day(buying something you may not need, but enjoy buying, or eating something unhealthy, but enjoy eating once in awhile)
  • Be creative(color,draw,compose,knit,crotchet,sew)
  • Write down 5 positive things about yourself, and your life
  • Try a new recipe
  • Learn a new language
  • Learn something new about something you find interesting
  • Connect with family and friends(skype calls,or phone calls may be ideal at the moment)
  • Dress up(even though you can’t go out, sometimes it is nice to just dress up for fun, do it for yourself.It might make you feel good.
  • Watch/read inspirational stuff(whenever I feel uninspired/unmotivated, I always seek inspiration to get me back into my flow)
  • Try crossword puzzle/sudoku
  • Have your favorite meal or dessert
  • Have a glass of wine
  • Take time away from SNS(social media can create turmoil and negativity to your life, sometimes pulling away can be good for you)
  • Go to a lake/beach(just hearing the water, looking at the water flow,just being there in nature can be therapeutic)
  • Play an instrument
  • Play board/video games

There are plenty of things you can try to apply self-care in your life. I wanted to remind you all to take care of yourself, and always try to seek ways to improve your mind and body, so one can live a happy, peaceful and fulfilled life. This can all be done by taking care of yourself by doing things you enjoy, and that can benefit your mind, body and soul. It is okay to do things for yourself every once in awhile. Everyone needs self-care time.

Source1:https://psychcentral.com/blog/what-self-care-is-and-what-it-isnt-2/

Source2:https://www.activeminds.org/about-mental-health/self-care/

Growth

Growth is important for our well-being. Growth is about advancing, developing, evolving, changing, etc,. This is important path of our journey in life.

Stagnation, comfort, and safety can only get us so far. It keeps us comfortable, but it also keeps us down. It allows us to settle. This cultivates boredom, lack of accomplishment, sadness, regret, among many other things. This is a path you most likely don’t want to follow.

Growth gives us opportunity, new challenges, and new adventures. Getting out of your comfort zone, doing new things, challenging yourself can help develop oneself as an individual. It can help you become a better you. And that is what you want in life to become a better you.

Growth can help you learn. It can be motivational and inspirational. It has been motivational and inspirational to me. I say all this, because I believe growth is pertinent to our well-being. The feeling of accomplishment from overcoming a challenge is a wonderful feeling, even trying is wonderful.

Learning a new skill. Doing things you never done before can be quite a rush. It is all about developing your skills and mindset. Settling, staying stuck, being comfortable can only get us so far. Nothing can happen from stability.

Having a mindset on growth can push you to overcome obstacles, challenge oneself, learn about oneself, gain knowledge and experience, build confidence, and build character.  It all starts with you and your willingness to grow. We must ask this question. Do I want to stay stuck, or do I want to move forward?

Just remember whatever obstacles, or challenges that are ahead of you to grow. There have most likely been worse challenges you have gone through. We all have gone through many challenges in life, and we are still here. This is just another challenge.

It will be scary at first. Just remind yourself that it will get easier with time. Anything new is scary at first, but the hard part is the beginning. After that, it gets better, and you will start to see growth. Remind yourself to stay positive. This will be a great learning experience. You will gain more than you will lose.

This post was inspired by my new job. It is pretty scary right now, but I know once I get the hang of it. Things will get easier and better. I know this will be the growth I need in life. Being afraid, and avoiding doesn’t get you to where you need to be. You got to try to keep pushing to grow.

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Quote Thursday

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It is always interesting what thoughts come to mind when I see inspirational/motivational quotes. My thoughts from this one.

Immerse in the silence and be mindful. There are great lessons learned in silence. Reflection, insight, clarity, and knowledge can be gained from silence. Try not to be afraid of it, embrace it instead.

Now think about what this quote brings to mind from your stand point?

Lessons Learned

When something bad happens don’t think why me? Tell yourself what are you trying to teach me? What can I learn from this? I saw a quote similar to this, and it really resonated with me.

This is something I tell myself, or try to tell myself whenever a struggle, or difficulty happens in my life. Wallowing in self-pity, blaming oneself, others, or the world just brings more negativity.

You can learn to flip it around, and reframe your thoughts about the situation to a place where you can get something beneficial out of the situation. At the moment it may be difficult to see it, but eventually it will become clear.

Learning to take a step back, letting the frustration and anger go. Learning to think what can this teach me?, and how can I grow from this? This can promote a healthy and positive mindset, and can help you move through this low point in life to a place of peace and content.

Remember struggles, and challenges in life will happen. There is no avoiding, as much as one may like. It is all about how to handle the situation. Acknowledgement that it will happen can help you cope with it better. It is also important to remember that this low point won’t last forever. It is just a part of your journey through life.

I am believer that we are here on earth to learn, experience, and yes struggle amongst the beauty of this world. The ying and the yang. The good and the bad. We must take it all. So learning not to ask why questions, instead asking how can this help me become a better and stronger individual can do wonders for your journey to a peaceful and content life.

I won’t say difficult times/struggles are easy. Yes, it does suck at the moment. It isn’t enjoyable. But having a healthy mindset about the situation can help you move through this difficult part in life much more smoothly and quickly.

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Find Contentment

Content is a state of satisfaction. In Hinduism it is called Santosha. I am discussing this topic, because I believe this is what we should strive for in life.

Happiness is a wonderful feeling. We all strive for happiness. Although happiness is great. It should not be the end goal. I used to believe that we should look for happiness, but I learned like many emotions. The feelings of happiness come and go.

Content is what we should look for. This feeling is much more consistent, and obtainable. Like I mentioned it is all about satisfaction in your life, and your self. Acceptance of the good and bad, the mistakes, challenges, and struggles. It is knowing that you, and life aren’t always going to be perfect.

Happiness only looks at the positive. It is more idealistic. It is less stable and consistent. There are expectations that are attached to happiness. This can lead to misery and disappointment when we don’t achieve what we think can make us happy. Even if you do achieve it. You most likely won’t be happy for long, because happiness isn’t consistent.

Content is learning to be satisfied with what you have, who you are, and where you are going. There are no expectations. There are no high standards. It is just learning to be.

I am not saying don’t strive to be happy, or have goals, or strive for anything in general. I just think it shouldn’t be the end goal. Learning to ride the wave of life brings much more peace to your life.

We must remember we will not always be happy. If you think you must be happy all the time. It can make you feel guilt, or you may hate yourself, and your life for not feeling that way.

We must learn it is okay not to be happy sometimes. That is why happiness shouldn’t be the ultimate goal. Finding contentment is where you will find peace with yourself and your life. So we should think lets be content, instead of being happy. We may even learn to appreciate the happiness a bit more this way.

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Image result for contentment quotes

Kindness&Appreciation

There is a lot of negativity out there. We must learn to try to spread kindness, compassion, love, and appreciation as much as we can, in any little or big way. It doesn’t cost anything, but it is worth everything to spread kindness to yourself and others.

A little appreciation, compliment, or gesture goes a long way. How did you feel to receive kindness? How did you feel to give kindness? And don’t forget to give it towards yourself. Give yourself a little compliment and appreciation. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Forgive yourself for mistakes. You are human, remember to remind yourself of that.

Appreciate the things you have in life. We barely give appreciation of those things, and people. We put our attention on the negative. It will be nice to put your attention on the things you love. I was at a store, and realized I had access to all these things, fresh water, food etc,. It made me appreciate that I have access to things others may not have.

We won’t have everything. No one does. It is about appreciating what you have. There is something we have that others don’t, and may like in life. Focusing your attention on the positive things, and finding appreciation can do wanders for your mindset and outlook on life. We need to learn not to focus on having it all, but focus on having enough to live a fulfilling life.

Appreciate your life, and what you have in it. Be kind to yourself and others. I am sure you will feel a little more positive and upbeat doing these things.

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Building Healthy Habits

This post is a continuation of the last post Breaking Bad Habits. There was more I wanted to add, but thought I would make a separate post for it. This is more for building healthy habits, and reducing bad ones.

Habits are created through consistency and repetition. These can be good or bad habits. Unhealthy habits are easier to get into, but it does no good for your body, and mind in the long run. We just focus on the instant satisfaction it gives us.

Healthy habits are difficult to obtain, because they take more work, and may seem not to be as satisfying. It is interesting how the good things for us are harder to achieve, but that is life. But my mindset is life is about hard work. We are here to learn, improve and grow, and that can’t be done on an easy path.

Healthy habits may be hard at first, but once you are a consistent with the habit. It becomes a whole lot easier. It will become part of your daily routine. You will even start to enjoy doing it. It is all about getting your mind and body habituated to it. Once you are able to do that there will be vast improvement to your well-being mentally, emotionally, and physically.

This is why people feel like they need to do those unhealthy habits. It is because your body is used to it. That doesn’t mean it is essential for you, or good for you. The body and mind wants what it is used to. The withdrawals aren’t fun, which is why people stick to unhealthy habits, but if you learn to push through them, it gets easier.

Once your mind and body is used to something it will seek those things. If it is a good habit, than it benefits you. If it is a bad habit, than it can be quite damaging. It can be quite difficult leaving behind bad habits. I know, I struggled as well to build healthy habits, rather than bad ones.

I say try to start small. Cutting it off completely can make you crave it more. The best thing you can do is ween yourself off of the habit. To the point where you no longer have the need to do the habit. The body will crave the habit less when done less frequently. This also goes for starting up a healthy habit. Try not to overdue it. This will most likely make you want to quit.

I have to say some of my healthy habits were not enjoyable at first, and hard to maintain. Drinking water more, and reducing sugar drinks was tough, but after awhile. I no longer craved sugar drinks as much, and I now enjoy drinking water. Your body gets used to consistent habits. This goes for the other healthy habits I maintained as well. The habit becomes easier to do, and becomes part of your routine.The start is always the toughest, which is why most give up.

There are a couple of things that can help build healthy habits, and help reduce unhealthy ones as well.

  • Awareness
  • Motivation/Determination
  • Planning/writing it down/implementing the habits
  • Bring it into your daily life
  • Start small

All this can lead to improvement of your mind, body, and soul. It is all about thinking about the long term, rather than the short term.

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Image result for healthy habits quotes

 

 

Embracing the Blues

I have been feeling down this past week, so I thought a post about embracing down times would be appropriate. I was inspired to write this, while I was feeling down. The wonderful thing about down, challenging, and tough times. It can invoke inspiration and creativity.

Today may not be a good day. You may not feel positive, happy, talkative, or in a good mood to entertain others. There will be days like that.

Life has its ups and downs. These times are the downs. It is okay to feel this way. It is life. Don’t feel guilty for being sad, or down. You don’t always have to be happy.

Just try not to let the negativity consume you. That can lead down a dangerous path. Just go with the motions, and remind yourself that things will get better. You will move past this, like the many other times. Immerse, and keep moving.

You can try to do things that bring you joy, or comfort. You can also look into the specific thing, or things that are bringing you down. Write them down. Look at the specific problem, or problems. Become aware. See if you can solve what is bothering, if there is an answer to the problem, or is there another way to look at the issue. Take a different perspective. It can help to understand, and accept what is bothering you.

Embracing sadness is healthy. The problem is when it lingers. When the negativity is persistent. Occasional sad times is perfectly normal. Life isn’t perfect, and neither are you. It is okay. There is nothing wrong with feeling down.

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Image result for embracing sadness