Be Honest With Your Story

I watched a very inspirational TED Talk by a therapist Lori Gottlieb. I found her talk to be very inspiring and insightful. It made me think about this topic. She talks about the stories we tell ourselves and others that serve our ego, but doesn’t necessarily help us in real life.

What do I mean by stories? These are encounters about our lives we retell ourselves and others. It may do with arguments, disagreements, relationship struggles, life struggles etc,. We tend to tell stories from our point of view. We tend to see ourselves as the victim, the good guy, telling the story to make us look like the good guy. In reality, there is always three sides to the story, your side, their side and the reality. I won’t say this type of storytelling is on purpose. It is our way of protecting ourselves. We are hurt, so it is comforting to reflect blame on others and the world. Even if it may not be helpful. It helps to put the pressure off oneself. But by doing this, it also puts control away from oneself.

The thing is we like to label people and situations. This person is awful, bad, annoying etc,. Life sucks, things never go my way, bad things always happen to me etc,. We should try to be honest with ourselves and look into the reality of what is going on. You may even learn to see your own faults in the situation. You are not perfect, they are not perfect, life is not perfect. There is no right or wrong. It is just different perspectives. It is important to be honest with your story. Tell your story. It is okay to be hurt and share your feelings, but remember to also look into the story of the other perspective.

Maybe that person was a ‘jerk’ for a reason? Maybe that person got upset for a reason? Maybe there are other reasons the relationship didn’t work, other than they cheated, or are a jerk. Maybe there is another reason they aren’t talking to you? Think about what exactly caused the situation or reaction, instead of being in defensive mode and seeing things in terms of black and white. All situations have an underlying truth and reasoning. There is a root cause. We all have different backgrounds, upbringings, personalities. How you see things, won’t necessarily be how another sees it. Learning to be aware of the reality of our stories is a wonderful gift to have. That can help us manage difficult situations much better.

We tend to ignore and label people and situations. But we must remember our stories are from our perceived mind. We should learn to be aware that are stories aren’t always based on truth. Be honest with yourself. Also be honest with others. It is hard to tell others how we truly feel/think, but it is the one way to come to an understanding. Another way is to look at their perspective and see their story. It is not about the mindset of you are right, they are wrong. You are the victim, they are the problem. I am good, they are bad and vice versa. It isn’t that simple.

Sometimes you got to look at, maybe I was wrong, maybe I helped create some problems in this relationship, maybe I could have done more to help my situation. There is nothing wrong with being honest with your faults. It is not about self-blame or criticism.This is about having self compassion and respect for your imperfect qualities as a human being. Doing this can only help you grow and improve. Remember you can’t help others change, but you can do things for yourself. Asking yourself, how could I have handled the situation better?, what can I improve on? These questions can be very empowering and can only help your journey to self growth. This can allow you to not continue to do the things that creates problems in your life.

All this can help you grow and become a better version of oneself. This will allow you to come to an understanding. It will allow you to have peace of mind. Worrying, being angry, bitter upset about what others, and what life has done to you serves you no purpose. It is human to have these feelings and you should, but there is a time to come to an understanding, look within yourself, improve what you could have done and move forward. Learning to change your story.

So what is the point of my post. Here are the things to take from this.

  1. Be honest with the story you tell yourself(it starts with you)
  2. Be honest with the story you tell others(communication is the key to understanding others and others understanding you.
  3. Look into the stories of others(look at different perspectives)
  4. Put control back on you/Change your story(We are as trapped as our minds/thoughts are.We can do whatever we want if we don’t allow our thoughts to control us.)
  5. Understand and accept the reality of the stories we tell of our lives

People will hurt you. Life will hurt you. This is all part of life. You can focus on the story of how they hurt you, or you can focus on the story of how you can learn, and grow from the hurt. You can change you. Others and life not so much. Do what you can control. Focus your story on you and your growth.

Evolving or Changing as a Person

I had a nice conversation with my friend, and it made me think of what the differences are between these two. I was asked what is the difference, aren’t they the same? Yes, they can be seen as the same, but from my perspective I don’t see it that way. They can go hand in hand. They can be used interchangeably, but I see them as different when it comes to changing as a person, and evolving as a person.

When I think of someone wanting to change as a person. I see it more as a person not accepting who they are, and wanting to push away from the person they are. I see it as the person wanting to focus more on the parts of them they are not happy with, than the parts they are happy about. When someone says they want to change, do you really want to change yourself completely?, do you really want to rid of the amazing qualities you do have?, or do you want to change the qualities you don’t like? Wanting a change to me is changing who you are. Do you not like who you are?

I think we should all appreciate, and accept who we are, the things we like, and the things we don’t. Wanting to change pulls us away from who we really are. It is like you don’t like the person you are. I don’t want individuals to pull away from who they are. I don’t want them to not like who they are. We are all wonderful. We all have qualities, and quirks that make you, you. I just like an individual to expand on who they are.

This is where evolving comes from. I like the phrase evolving as a person, rather than changing. It is expanding on who you are. It is about developing and growing. It is about an expansion on the already awesome person you are. It is about improving on the qualities that you are not to proud of, but keeping the qualities you love about yourself. It is adding value, positivity, insight, knowledge, and wisdom to your being that you may not have had before.

Life is all about evolving. We have done it, since the beginning of time. It allows us to survive in this ever changing world. Evolving gives us room to learn, to be more knowledgeable, to be more compassionate, to be more mindful, to be more creative etc. It gives us room to grow, but it allows us to keep parts of who we are that we love and accept. There are amazing qualities in all us that we must retain. We can learn to accept the flaws as well. The great thing about evolving is that we can improve, and work on them. Life would be boring if we were all perfect. Growing and expanding is an important part of our life journey.

So in conclusion, wanting to change to me is more about pulling away from who you are. Not accepting the person you are. Mindfulness is all about accepting who you are, appreciating the qualities that make you awesome, and learning to accept the ones you aren’t proud of. It is all still part of you. We all have these type of qualities. That is what makes us human.

Now wanting to evolve gives us the opportunity to become a better version of ourselves, and work on those things that we may not like. I like to say I am evolving as a person. It just sounds much better to me. I appreciate my whole being, and I truly hope others start to as well.

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Change

I am going through a change in my life right now. This change has inspired me to write the post below. This may be something I like to remind myself. Hopefully this helps you in any way.

Change can be uncomfortable. It is comforting doing things you are used to. Growth can only be obtained by change, something new, or different. It can get boring doing the same thing.

Challenging yourself can be interesting and exciting. Not knowing what to expect can be nerve-wrecking, but doing something new can help improve yourself, and your life.

Try not to fight change, or avoid it. We must learn to embrace it, so we can grow. It may be difficult at first, but it will be beneficial in the long run. We must try to think of the long-term effects when it comes to searching for a better way of living.

Change, growth, evolving is an important, and much needed part of life.

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Image result for change quotes images

Lessons Learned

When something bad happens don’t think why me? Tell yourself what are you trying to teach me? What can I learn from this? I saw a quote similar to this, and it really resonated with me.

This is something I tell myself, or try to tell myself whenever a struggle, or difficulty happens in my life. Wallowing in self-pity, blaming oneself, others, or the world just brings more negativity.

You can learn to flip it around, and reframe your thoughts about the situation to a place where you can get something beneficial out of the situation. At the moment it may be difficult to see it, but eventually it will become clear.

Learning to take a step back, letting the frustration and anger go. Learning to think what can this teach me?, and how can I grow from this? This can promote a healthy and positive mindset, and can help you move through this low point in life to a place of peace and content.

Remember struggles, and challenges in life will happen. There is no avoiding, as much as one may like. It is all about how to handle the situation. Acknowledgement that it will happen can help you cope with it better. It is also important to remember that this low point won’t last forever. It is just a part of your journey through life.

I am believer that we are here on earth to learn, experience, and yes struggle amongst the beauty of this world. The ying and the yang. The good and the bad. We must take it all. So learning not to ask why questions, instead asking how can this help me become a better and stronger individual can do wonders for your journey to a peaceful and content life.

I won’t say difficult times/struggles are easy. Yes, it does suck at the moment. It isn’t enjoyable. But having a healthy mindset about the situation can help you move through this difficult part in life much more smoothly and quickly.

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Find Contentment

Content is a state of satisfaction. In Hinduism it is called Santosha. I am discussing this topic, because I believe this is what we should strive for in life.

Happiness is a wonderful feeling. We all strive for happiness. Although happiness is great. It should not be the end goal. I used to believe that we should look for happiness, but I learned like many emotions. The feelings of happiness come and go.

Content is what we should look for. This feeling is much more consistent, and obtainable. Like I mentioned it is all about satisfaction in your life, and your self. Acceptance of the good and bad, the mistakes, challenges, and struggles. It is knowing that you, and life aren’t always going to be perfect.

Happiness only looks at the positive. It is more idealistic. It is less stable and consistent. There are expectations that are attached to happiness. This can lead to misery and disappointment when we don’t achieve what we think can make us happy. Even if you do achieve it. You most likely won’t be happy for long, because happiness isn’t consistent.

Content is learning to be satisfied with what you have, who you are, and where you are going. There are no expectations. There are no high standards. It is just learning to be.

I am not saying don’t strive to be happy, or have goals, or strive for anything in general. I just think it shouldn’t be the end goal. Learning to ride the wave of life brings much more peace to your life.

We must remember we will not always be happy. If you think you must be happy all the time. It can make you feel guilt, or you may hate yourself, and your life for not feeling that way.

We must learn it is okay not to be happy sometimes. That is why happiness shouldn’t be the ultimate goal. Finding contentment is where you will find peace with yourself and your life. So we should think lets be content, instead of being happy. We may even learn to appreciate the happiness a bit more this way.

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Image result for contentment quotes

Kindness&Appreciation

There is a lot of negativity out there. We must learn to try to spread kindness, compassion, love, and appreciation as much as we can, in any little or big way. It doesn’t cost anything, but it is worth everything to spread kindness to yourself and others.

A little appreciation, compliment, or gesture goes a long way. How did you feel to receive kindness? How did you feel to give kindness? And don’t forget to give it towards yourself. Give yourself a little compliment and appreciation. Try not to be so hard on yourself. Forgive yourself for mistakes. You are human, remember to remind yourself of that.

Appreciate the things you have in life. We barely give appreciation of those things, and people. We put our attention on the negative. It will be nice to put your attention on the things you love. I was at a store, and realized I had access to all these things, fresh water, food etc,. It made me appreciate that I have access to things others may not have.

We won’t have everything. No one does. It is about appreciating what you have. There is something we have that others don’t, and may like in life. Focusing your attention on the positive things, and finding appreciation can do wanders for your mindset and outlook on life. We need to learn not to focus on having it all, but focus on having enough to live a fulfilling life.

Appreciate your life, and what you have in it. Be kind to yourself and others. I am sure you will feel a little more positive and upbeat doing these things.

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Embracing the Blues

I have been feeling down this past week, so I thought a post about embracing down times would be appropriate. I was inspired to write this, while I was feeling down. The wonderful thing about down, challenging, and tough times. It can invoke inspiration and creativity.

Today may not be a good day. You may not feel positive, happy, talkative, or in a good mood to entertain others. There will be days like that.

Life has its ups and downs. These times are the downs. It is okay to feel this way. It is life. Don’t feel guilty for being sad, or down. You don’t always have to be happy.

Just try not to let the negativity consume you. That can lead down a dangerous path. Just go with the motions, and remind yourself that things will get better. You will move past this, like the many other times. Immerse, and keep moving.

You can try to do things that bring you joy, or comfort. You can also look into the specific thing, or things that are bringing you down. Write them down. Look at the specific problem, or problems. Become aware. See if you can solve what is bothering, if there is an answer to the problem, or is there another way to look at the issue. Take a different perspective. It can help to understand, and accept what is bothering you.

Embracing sadness is healthy. The problem is when it lingers. When the negativity is persistent. Occasional sad times is perfectly normal. Life isn’t perfect, and neither are you. It is okay. There is nothing wrong with feeling down.

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Image result for embracing sadness

Ways to Expand the Mind:Road to Personal Growth/Development

Life is a journey. Full of exciting experiences, struggles, and all the things in between. Gaining knowledge, perspective, and insight is another wonderful part of our journey. I think it is an important part. Learning and growing as an individual can help you know more about yourself, and the world around you. It can cultivate happiness, peace, excitement, and content.

Practicing mindfulness has helped me grow, and develop as an individual. There are many ways to help you develop as a person, and enhance your mind. Our minds are powerful tools, so we must try to utilize it as much as we can.

I have a list of a couple things that has helped me on my journey of growth, and that could be helpful to you. It may get you thinking of some ways that can help you. Maybe you have some other ways that help you. It is always important to keep growing, learning, and improving yourself.

  • Learning/doing something new-This one is an obvious one. New gives us a different perspective, a fresh outlook, a start to something else, adding value to our lives. It is rejuvenating, also can be stressful for some, but once it is done, it is quite an exciting experience.
  • Reading-My grammar, creativity, and knowledge of the world has been enhanced by reading. There are always new words I pick up from reading. I always feel a bit more knowledgeable reading a book.
  • Find new recipes to cook-I love food, so finding different recipes to make is fun. It is also nice to look for healthier meals that benefit your body and mind.
  • Going somewhere new-There is a lot out there in our world. Exploring new places is quite an experience. It is sometimes nice to get outside your bubble. Creativity, perspective, and knowledge can be enhanced from going somewhere new. You may also experience, or see something different, and novel visiting somewhere new. It is also rewarding knowing I went somewhere different, even if it scares me.
  • Meditate-I learn more about myself, and how I can cope with life when I meditate. I learn patience, and how to sit still in a busy world. In the end, it brings me to a state of peace, happiness, and calm.
  • Practice Mindfulness Exercises-Mindfulness helps you see the world in a different light. There is always something new when practicing mindfulness. These exercises help me gain perspective, and insight to myself, my emotions, and the world around me.
  • Watch Educational/Informative Videos-I enjoy learning new things about the mind, and the world. Their is a lot of information out there. Enhance your knowledge.
  • Learn a new skill-Anything new you like to learn, try it! Having many skills is a plus.
  • Work on developing you skills-Working on, and improving skills you already have can be beneficial as well. There is always more to learn.
  • Challenge Yourself/Getting outside comfort zone-Going to new places can be a challenge, and uncomfortable for me, so that is what I try to do to challenge myself. Whatever may be a challenge for you, try it sometime! You will feel good about yourself accomplishing it, and you will learn more about your potential, and what you can do.
  • Variety puzzles/Word Searches-These can definitely improve your knowledge, vocabulary, math, logic etc.
  • Journal-I learn more about myself, my journey, my improvements, and my goals through journaling.
  • Working on healthy habits-This can pertain to food habits. Figuring out different ways to exercise that is right for you. You can also find healthy habits that help the environment. It is a nice feeling knowing I am doing things to improve my physical, and mental health, and also helping the environment. I have recently been trying to eat healthier, and reduce my plastic intake.

I am sure there are plenty of other things that can help you grow, but these are ones that pertain to me on my journey. Hopefully some of these can work for you, or can give you an idea of what you can do to expand your mind, and yourself.

I hope you all have a lovely weekend! Thanks for reading.

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Food for Thought Post/How to Perceive Everyday

Try not to see everyday as just another day, but see it as another day to grow, learn, and work on your goals. Everyday should bring something new and enjoyable. Make your days something to look forward too, not something to dread.

This mentality can promote a positive, and happier state of mind. It is all about perspective, and how you take on the day. Working on your goals, learning/doing something new, and doing productive things that help you develop as a person are things that make your day a lot more exciting.

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