Dealing With Self Sabotaging

This type of habit may not be known to many. We may do it subconsciously and wonder why bad things continue to happen, or wonder why things don’t go our way. All of that can be due to self sabotaging. We tend to do this in the form of procrastination, avoiding promotions, not moving towards personal growth, turning to drugs, alcohol or food. There are plenty of ways we can find to sabotage our success and growth. Most of the time we don’t know we are doing it. So what is it? Why do we do it? And how can we overcome it?

What is it?

“Self-sabotage is when we actively or passively take steps to prevent ourselves from reaching our goals. This behaviour can affect nearly every aspect of life be it a relationship, a career goal, or a personal goal such as weight loss. Although very common, it is an incredibly frustrating cycle of behaviour that lowers our self-confidence and leave us feeling stuck. There are many reasons why someone may choose to self-sabotage but many stem from a lack of belief in ourselves”(lisajeffs.com).

What cultivates it?

There are many things that create self sabotaging habits. I will list a few down here.

  • Self-Congruence- This is when we want our outside world to fit into what we feel on the inside. If you have negative thoughts and feelings on the inside. You will most likely see more negative and focus more on the bad things in your life. This goes for the other side of things as well, but since sabotaging comes from a negative mindset. We will focus on that.
  • Glass ceiling-There is an imaginary ceiling that one believes they can not go over, or below it. They like to stay between the barriers. The person feels they don’t deserve more than their perceived ceiling can give them. They believe they only deserve this much, but not more.
  • Vulnerability avoidance-This is the fear of vulnerability or getting hurt. This is when you rather cut things before you have a chance to get hurt. This can go for relationship and career goals. You rather just avoid getting hurt, but in the process can lose something wonderful, due to your fear of the worse case scenario.
  • Imposter Phenomenon-When you do not believe your success or happiness is a true representation of yourself or what you can do. You don’t believe you can continue this success. Maybe you believe it is just luck. You think to yourself, that you don’t deserve this. You think things will eventually go down hill.
  • Lack of confidence/self worth- This is a really important reason. If you don’t believe in your worth. You will not be able to grow and move forward. You will not be able to reach the places you want to go in life.
  • Fear of failure-We don’t like to fail or make mistakes, so we do whatever we can to avoid doing that not being aware that failure is a part of life.
  • Protect ego-We got our pride. We don’t want to do anything that can hurt it. By taking a leap and doing things outside our comfort zone. It may allow us to see that maybe we aren’t as perfect as we thought, or can’t do as much as we thought. Although we can easily talk down to ourselves. We also don’t want to be a failure.
  • Comfort-We love comfort, so we do what we can to avoid stepping away from it, even if it can make us more fulfilled, successful and happy.
  • Complaining-This type of behavior doesn’t really solve anything. It just keeps you stuck.
  • Comparisons to others-It is hard to get anywhere when you compare yourself to other people’s success. If you don’t match up. You give up. We should try to focus on our growth, rather than others, so we can continue pushing ourselves. You never know how far you can go, but comparisons can halt that.
  • Blaming others-Putting the blame on others takes control away from you. Taking control away from you gives you less power, and makes you less likely to push yourself forward.
  • Putting yourself down-Negative self-talk can definitely cultivate habits of sabotaging oneself. Believing you can’t do something, or don’t deserve something, or that you aren’t good enough. Will keep you stuck.
  • Self concept is fixed-Believing you can never change and that growth is impossible. The thing is you can always evolve. Who you are today can be different than who you are next year. The self is not fixed.

What can be done to overcome it?

  • Be mindful-Practicing mindfulness and learning to be present in the moment can help you become aware of your self sabotaging habits, and the thoughts the come along with it.
  • Self acceptance-Learning to accept the person you are-the good and the bad-can help reduce sabotaging habits. If you accept yourself, you can accept any possibility the comes your way. Whatever happens you know you did all you can do, and you are happy with just that. You learn with acceptance is all you can do is try, as long as you try you achieved something.
  • Gain confidence-This goes along with self-acceptance. Through acceptance you can gain confidence. Being aware of your strengths and using them to your advantage goes along way. Learning to build your strengths and utilizing them to help you grow is all part of confidence. This can push you to achieve the goals you like and to keep you from staying comfortable and stuck.
  • Journal/Self-reflect-This puts your thoughts out there. It gives you a chance to become aware of these habits and figure out ways to move past them. Once you are able to become aware of these thoughts and habits through introspection. You may realize how unhelpful they are to your self growth.
  • Get out of comfort zone/Face your fear-I know it is easier said than done, but comfort can only get to so far. Time to count backwards 5,4,3,2,1 and go! Everything that has helped me evolve, grow and move up has come from getting out of my comfort zone and facing fears. You will feel discomfort and anxiety, but those feelings are normal. Learning to push past it is an important skill to learn to stop us from sabotaging ourselves.
  • Understanding the root cause-Digging deep and learning the real reason for these habits can help you figure out the problem, learn, and improve.
  • Rise above negative emotions-Like I mentioned, feelings of anxiety, discomfort, fear, tension will arise. It is learning how to continue going forward that is important.
  • Set goals and plans-Start small, something manageable to help push you. Every little step counts. With every step you will gain more confidence and feel more comfortable.
  • Accept failures-You will not always succeed. You will make mistakes. It is all part of the human experience. When you accept this it will be easier for you not to sabotage any opportunity or chance you get.
  • Let go of perfectionism-You have flaws. We all have flaws. Accepting you are not perfect puts our ego in check. It also allows you to put yourself out there more.

Self sabotaging habits are harmful for our growth and personal development. It may create comfort and safety. But it also cultivates many negative thoughts and behaviors that keep us stuck. It is important to learn to become aware of these habits, so we can break away from them and live a more fulfilling life.

Source:https://lisajeffs.com/en-us/self-sabotaging-behavior-thoughts-what-causes-it-and-how-to-rise-above-it/#:~:text=What%20is%20self%20sabotage%3F,goal%20such%20as%20weight%20loss.

Dealing With Self-Doubt

“People will never rise above their own opinion of themselves.” I really like this quote. I believe it to be true. Your opinions of yourself can help lift you up and move you forward, or they can pull you down and keep you stuck. Self-doubt hinders our ability to grow, change, evolve and move forward. It keeps us stuck. This mindset is no good for our self-growth and development.

What is it

Self-doubt is a lack of confidence in one’s ability and decisions one makes. Now having a little self-doubt is healthy. It can help foster introspection and enhance performance. It is good to question oneself and challenge oneself. It keeps us humble. You aren’t always right, so self-doubt can help you from making mistakes, or doing something you shouldn’t do, but there are times when self-doubt can be crippling for you growth. Too much of it can hold you back.

“Self-doubt can be understood as a feeling of uncertainty regarding one or more aspects of the self, such as confidence or likability. Some degree of self-doubt is generally held to be normal, because many people may question their ability to master new or challenging situations.”(Good Therapy). There is a healthy and unhealthy way to go about self-doubt. The unhealthy way that keeps us stuck is what we should try to learn to overcome.

What causes it

There are many factors that play into self-doubt. It isn’t a black or white issue. I will discuss some of them. There may even be more, that I won’t state. It is more complex, than most may think.

  • Fear-This is a big one when it come to self-doubt. We as humans do not like the unknown. It is scary. We like to know everything. It creates comfort, and we love comfort. We think the worst case scenario will happen. We fear failure.
  • Comfort-As I mention we love comfort. Getting out of our comfort zone is tough. We like things to go as smoothly as possible. We like ease. We like safety. Staying comfortable does that. But staying comfortable allows our self-doubt to continue to rise. If we never rise above our comfort. We never know what we can do. If you don’t know what you can do. Self-doubt will always follow you. You can’t do this, but you can’t do something, because you never done, or tried it. How would you know?, unless you try.
  • Guilt-Feeling like the decisions or actions you make can hurt others, even if it can benefit oneself. You as an individual may doubt what you want to do, due to hurting others.
  • Shame-Being embarrassed that your decisions and actions may not fit to the standards of others and society can create self-doubt.
  • Victim mindset-Seeing oneself as a victim gives the individual less control. The individual may believe they have no control over their life. This can create doubt in their ability to take control of their life. Mel Robbins(motivational speaker and author of the 5 Second Rule) made a statement that I really liked. “Even if you were victimized. It does’t always mean you will always be the victim.” You can always take control back.
  • Lack of confidence-Not believing your strengths can pull you up, and putting emphasis on your weaknesses. Putting focus on just the negative aspects of oneself. The individual believes they have more weaknesses, than strengths, or that their strengths aren’t good enough. This mindset can absolutely create doubt in one self. How can one believe in themselves if they can’t see their strengths?
  • Lack of trust-Not believing you can make the right decisions or actions can hold you back from moving forward. This goes along with confidence. Once you gain confidence. You can be able to trust the decisions you make.
  • Approval-Doing things for others and wanting their approval, and not focusing on your own approval can create doubt in oneself. You look to others to make decisions for oneself, but you don’t look to yourself to make decisions.
  • Perfectionism-The all or nothing mentality. Everything must be perfect and go as smoothly as possible, or it is a disaster. If any mishap, mistake, or a bit of failure comes along, doubt arises. As I mentioned, a bit of doubt is okay, but if it is used to not move forward, and if you let these things keep you down, than it can get to an unhealthy stage and keep you stuck. Perfection doesn’t exist. Use the mistakes and failures to learn, not doubt your abilities.
  • Past experiences-Your past can help cultivate doubt in oneself. How others treated you, what things were said to you, bad experiences etc,. Your past plays a huge role in who you are today.

How can one overcome it

  • Confidence-I mentioned how lack of confidence can create self-doubt, so obviously confidence in oneself can help reduce doubt in oneself. Confidence is an important skill to have. It starts with awareness and acceptance of oneself. Accepting ourselves is learning to accept our flaws, learning not to put energy into them. Appreciating our strengths and putting energy into growing and using them to our benefit. By focusing and appreciating our strengths, and putting them into action. One can learn to gain confidence. This may take time for people who lack it, but you can always build it up. Nothing is ever lost. You got to start somewhere.
  • Take action-You just got to do it. Make the decision. Take the action. The more you give yourself time to think. The less likely you will do something about it. Thinking about it for too long creates what ifs, it creates excuses. It creates doubt. Mel Robbins mentions the 5 second rule. Count backwards, not forwards, you can always keep counting. So 5,4,3,2,1 and go. Make the decision. Take the action. She mentions the idea sounds stupid, but it works. I am not sure how well the 5 second rule works, but I will say she has a point on taking action. There were plenty of times I thought about starting something, but my thoughts kept holding me back, until I just did it. Once I did it. I couldn’t believe it took me this long to just do it. You realize it isn’t as bad as your thoughts make it out to be.”Doubt creates mountains. Actions move them.”(Mel Robbins).
  • Overcome the emotions-One thing you should realize is fear, anxiety, guilt, shame will arise. There is nothing you as an individual can do about that. What you can do is take action despite those feelings. These are normal feelings to have. It is part of being a conscious being. If the decision or action helps benefit your growth. You got to learn to push through these feelings. They will eventually fade. In the short-term it may be easy to find comfort to ease these feelings right away, but in the long-term you will just allow these feelings to build and keep you stuck, because you aren’t overcoming these emotions that will never go away. Once you are able to keep moving, despite these emotions. You learn that you can overcome these emotions, and still move towards growth. Doubt in oneself will become weaker.
  • Journal/Talk to others/self-reflect-All these things can make you aware of your thoughts. It outs it out there to the world. Awareness is important. Once you are aware of your thoughts. You may realize that your doubt isn’t warranted. Maybe talking to someone else and their thoughts can help you realize that you shouldn’t doubt yourself. You may come to see that your doubt is ridiculous,or your overthinking too much, and that you are capable of handling what comes your way.

Mel Robbins mentions that self-doubt is a habit. We all know habits are hard to break, but they can be broken. You may doubt yourself now, but you can teach yourself to gain confidence, take action and reduce your doubt. Nothing is ever lost. It may take time, but you can eventually get there with practice. Always remember to keep moving forward, towards growth.

Positive Self-Talk

“Positive self talk isn’t about knowing all the answers or thinking you’re amazing, it’s simply about reframing how you view things, removing negative bias, and approaching life with the idea that you can tackle things – and even if it doesn’t go perfectly – you’ll learn from it for next time”(positivepsychology.com).

I was watching a video from this amazing vlogger Psychologist Julia Kristina Counselling (if you like motivational/self help videos, please look into her.). She mentioned something about positive self talk. I just wanted to post something about it, because I think it is very important what we say or think to ourselves. Having a more positive self-talk can allow us to be more compassionate, accepting, and appreciative of ourselves. It can allow you to learn and accept your flaws, rather than using it against yourself. It can allow you to be more confident, and more willing to take on challenges and accept failures. It can also allow you to push ourselves to success and to reach our goals.

In an article What is Positive Self-Talk? (Incl. Examples) by PositvePsychology.com. They mention some interesting things about negative and positive self talk that I like to put here for some perspective.

Negative Self-Talk

“Our patterns of self-talk are all too often negative – we focus on preconceived ideas that we’re ‘not good enough’ or ‘always a failure’ or ‘can’t do anything right’. Our brains are hardwired to remember negative experiences over positive ones, so we recall the times we didn’t quite get it right more than the times we do. We then replay these messages in our minds, fuelling negative feelings (Jantz, 2016).” Negative self-talk focuses on our flaws and weaknesses and doesn’t accept less than perfect results. Failures and mistakes are unacceptable. We beat ourselves down if it happens.

Positive Self-Talk

“Positive self-talk, as you may have guessed, is the flip of negative self-talk. It’s not about narcissism, or deceiving ourselves into thinking things that are inaccurate. It’s more about showing yourself some self-compassion and understanding for who you are and what you’ve been through (Jantz, 2019).”

“Positive self-talk sees our internal narrative switching to ideas like ‘I can do better next time’ or ‘I choose to learn from my mistakes, not be held back by them’.” Positive self-talk allows you to focus on the good qualities and strengths of oneself and learning to accept and be kind to yourself if mistakes or failure happens. It lifts you up and allows you to stand up against challenges.

Reminder that our thoughts are not based on facts, they are perceived. We tend to become what we think. If we see ourselves in a positive light we can gain much from this. We can build from it. We can become better individuals. We can learn to take on whatever challenges come our way. If you see yourself in a negative way. You can self sabotage, remain stuck, and never move forward and grow. There is no learning from this state. It is much easier being negative towards oneself, but easier isn’t always better for us, and our well being and happiness. Taking steps to have more positive thoughts about oneself can allow you to be the person you want to be, allow you to reach your goals, find success, have more happy days, rather than sad ones, move forward much quicker, and have peace of mind. You can’t really argue against that right?

Positive Self-Talk - The Pathway 2 Success

Source:https://positivepsychology.com/positive-self-talk/#:~:text=Positive%20self%2Dtalk%20isn’t,from%20it%20for%20next%20time.

Focus Your Energy on Things That Aid Growth

If it is being creative, or being productive, if it is focusing on your mental and physical health. Watching and reading inspirational things, or watching and reading things that make you think. Just think, is the thing I am doing benefiting me in any way. If it is, keep doing it, if it is not, try to step away.

SNS may fill a void and be distracting, but it doesn’t fill it for long, and may make things worse. The void won’t be fulfilled by distractions. It can most likely be filled by silence, creativity and knowledge. I realize how much time is wasted on scrolling.

Recently I have been focusing my energy on things that can help me evolve and learn. What can I gain from this experience? How can I grow? What can I learn? How does this benefit me? Are the questions I ask myself when it pertains to the things I do.

I have been looking into clean eating recently. I am always looking into eating better. I also watched a couple of minimalism videos, and other self-growth videos to make me think and figure out ways to live better and have a more fulfilling life. I have also been looking at some others videos about things in general to get me thinking and gain new knowledge about the world. I also continue to find time to write things for my book.

Although, I do scroll occasionally(it is not as interesting anymore now that I stepped away from it more often). And I do love my kpop. These things don’t pervade my life as much anymore, due to my awareness of how wasteful it can be. These things don’t enable my self-growth. They can be enjoyable, but should only be indulged every so often. There may be things in your life that may be stalling your growth and development. Whatever it is. Finding ways to put your energy away from those things and on to things that can help you grow is key. This is the only way to get to where you want to be, or get the things you want in life.

Creativity, positivity, knowledge and inspiration have been flowing through me the past two weeks. And this is due to my more mindful approach to life, and making more use of my time that benefits my self-growth. There is so much, we as individuals, can learn from out there. There is so much we can do. Putting effort into these things is what makes or breaks us. Falling into distractions is easy, and we will continue to fall into them from time to time. We just got to learn to do it less often. I definitely do, and will continue to strive to do things that aid my self-growth, and reach my goals.

Give Yourself Space(Little Reminder)

Give yourself space to allow thoughts to flow, creativity to cultivate, to immerse yourself in the moment and to check in with your emotions. It is important to get in tune with yourself from time to time. We live in a busy, distracted world. It is easy to get caught up in it. Finding the calm and silence as much as we can can be good for the soul.

I usually like to sit on the comfy sofa of my living room and just sit there. I like looking out my window. Listening to the sounds around me. Allowing my thoughts to flow through me. I always find some type of inspiration or creative outlet through this practice. This space also gives me the time to appreciate the things around me, and in life in general, also the people. I truly enjoy doing this before going to the noisy environment of work. It helps recharge me for the day.

We spend most of our time focusing on others, but we should remember to put the focus back on ourselves. You may think you are too busy, but anyone can spare at least five minutes to do this. You may be surprised how wonderful the experience can be. So what does giving yourself space cultivate?

  • Ability to be in the moment
  • Awareness and understanding of emotions
  • Self awareness
  • Self-growth
  • Inspiration
  • Creativity
  • Appreciation
  • Clarity
  • Problem solving
  • Recharges oneself
  • inner peace
  • Peace of mind

Be Honest With Your Story

I watched a very inspirational TED Talk by a therapist Lori Gottlieb. I found her talk to be very inspiring and insightful. It made me think about this topic. She talks about the stories we tell ourselves and others that serve our ego, but doesn’t necessarily help us in real life.

What do I mean by stories? These are encounters about our lives we retell ourselves and others. It may do with arguments, disagreements, relationship struggles, life struggles etc,. We tend to tell stories from our point of view. We tend to see ourselves as the victim, the good guy, telling the story to make us look like the good guy. In reality, there is always three sides to the story, your side, their side and the reality. I won’t say this type of storytelling is on purpose. It is our way of protecting ourselves. We are hurt, so it is comforting to reflect blame on others and the world. Even if it may not be helpful. It helps to put the pressure off oneself. But by doing this, it also puts control away from oneself.

The thing is we like to label people and situations. This person is awful, bad, annoying etc,. Life sucks, things never go my way, bad things always happen to me etc,. We should try to be honest with ourselves and look into the reality of what is going on. You may even learn to see your own faults in the situation. You are not perfect, they are not perfect, life is not perfect. There is no right or wrong. It is just different perspectives. It is important to be honest with your story. Tell your story. It is okay to be hurt and share your feelings, but remember to also look into the story of the other perspective.

Maybe that person was a ‘jerk’ for a reason? Maybe that person got upset for a reason? Maybe there are other reasons the relationship didn’t work, other than they cheated, or are a jerk. Maybe there is another reason they aren’t talking to you? Think about what exactly caused the situation or reaction, instead of being in defensive mode and seeing things in terms of black and white. All situations have an underlying truth and reasoning. There is a root cause. We all have different backgrounds, upbringings, personalities. How you see things, won’t necessarily be how another sees it. Learning to be aware of the reality of our stories is a wonderful gift to have. That can help us manage difficult situations much better.

We tend to ignore and label people and situations. But we must remember our stories are from our perceived mind. We should learn to be aware that are stories aren’t always based on truth. Be honest with yourself. Also be honest with others. It is hard to tell others how we truly feel/think, but it is the one way to come to an understanding. Another way is to look at their perspective and see their story. It is not about the mindset of you are right, they are wrong. You are the victim, they are the problem. I am good, they are bad and vice versa. It isn’t that simple.

Sometimes you got to look at, maybe I was wrong, maybe I helped create some problems in this relationship, maybe I could have done more to help my situation. There is nothing wrong with being honest with your faults. It is not about self-blame or criticism.This is about having self compassion and respect for your imperfect qualities as a human being. Doing this can only help you grow and improve. Remember you can’t help others change, but you can do things for yourself. Asking yourself, how could I have handled the situation better?, what can I improve on? These questions can be very empowering and can only help your journey to self growth. This can allow you to not continue to do the things that creates problems in your life.

All this can help you grow and become a better version of oneself. This will allow you to come to an understanding. It will allow you to have peace of mind. Worrying, being angry, bitter upset about what others, and what life has done to you serves you no purpose. It is human to have these feelings and you should, but there is a time to come to an understanding, look within yourself, improve what you could have done and move forward. Learning to change your story.

So what is the point of my post. Here are the things to take from this.

  1. Be honest with the story you tell yourself(it starts with you)
  2. Be honest with the story you tell others(communication is the key to understanding others and others understanding you.
  3. Look into the stories of others(look at different perspectives)
  4. Put control back on you/Change your story(We are as trapped as our minds/thoughts are.We can do whatever we want if we don’t allow our thoughts to control us.)
  5. Understand and accept the reality of the stories we tell of our lives

People will hurt you. Life will hurt you. This is all part of life. You can focus on the story of how they hurt you, or you can focus on the story of how you can learn, and grow from the hurt. You can change you. Others and life not so much. Do what you can control. Focus your story on you and your growth.

Evolving or Changing as a Person

I had a nice conversation with my friend, and it made me think of what the differences are between these two. I was asked what is the difference, aren’t they the same? Yes, they can be seen as the same, but from my perspective I don’t see it that way. They can go hand in hand. They can be used interchangeably, but I see them as different when it comes to changing as a person, and evolving as a person.

When I think of someone wanting to change as a person. I see it more as a person not accepting who they are, and wanting to push away from the person they are. I see it as the person wanting to focus more on the parts of them they are not happy with, than the parts they are happy about. When someone says they want to change, do you really want to change yourself completely?, do you really want to rid of the amazing qualities you do have?, or do you want to change the qualities you don’t like? Wanting a change to me is changing who you are. Do you not like who you are?

I think we should all appreciate, and accept who we are, the things we like, and the things we don’t. Wanting to change pulls us away from who we really are. It is like you don’t like the person you are. I don’t want individuals to pull away from who they are. I don’t want them to not like who they are. We are all wonderful. We all have qualities, and quirks that make you, you. I just like an individual to expand on who they are.

This is where evolving comes from. I like the phrase evolving as a person, rather than changing. It is expanding on who you are. It is about developing and growing. It is about an expansion on the already awesome person you are. It is about improving on the qualities that you are not to proud of, but keeping the qualities you love about yourself. It is adding value, positivity, insight, knowledge, and wisdom to your being that you may not have had before.

Life is all about evolving. We have done it, since the beginning of time. It allows us to survive in this ever changing world. Evolving gives us room to learn, to be more knowledgeable, to be more compassionate, to be more mindful, to be more creative etc. It gives us room to grow, but it allows us to keep parts of who we are that we love and accept. There are amazing qualities in all us that we must retain. We can learn to accept the flaws as well. The great thing about evolving is that we can improve, and work on them. Life would be boring if we were all perfect. Growing and expanding is an important part of our life journey.

So in conclusion, wanting to change to me is more about pulling away from who you are. Not accepting the person you are. Mindfulness is all about accepting who you are, appreciating the qualities that make you awesome, and learning to accept the ones you aren’t proud of. It is all still part of you. We all have these type of qualities. That is what makes us human.

Now wanting to evolve gives us the opportunity to become a better version of ourselves, and work on those things that we may not like. I like to say I am evolving as a person. It just sounds much better to me. I appreciate my whole being, and I truly hope others start to as well.

Image result for evolving as a person quotes

Change

I am going through a change in my life right now. This change has inspired me to write the post below. This may be something I like to remind myself. Hopefully this helps you in any way.

Change can be uncomfortable. It is comforting doing things you are used to. Growth can only be obtained by change, something new, or different. It can get boring doing the same thing.

Challenging yourself can be interesting and exciting. Not knowing what to expect can be nerve-wrecking, but doing something new can help improve yourself, and your life.

Try not to fight change, or avoid it. We must learn to embrace it, so we can grow. It may be difficult at first, but it will be beneficial in the long run. We must try to think of the long-term effects when it comes to searching for a better way of living.

Change, growth, evolving is an important, and much needed part of life.

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Image result for change quotes images

Lessons Learned

When something bad happens don’t think why me? Tell yourself what are you trying to teach me? What can I learn from this? I saw a quote similar to this, and it really resonated with me.

This is something I tell myself, or try to tell myself whenever a struggle, or difficulty happens in my life. Wallowing in self-pity, blaming oneself, others, or the world just brings more negativity.

You can learn to flip it around, and reframe your thoughts about the situation to a place where you can get something beneficial out of the situation. At the moment it may be difficult to see it, but eventually it will become clear.

Learning to take a step back, letting the frustration and anger go. Learning to think what can this teach me?, and how can I grow from this? This can promote a healthy and positive mindset, and can help you move through this low point in life to a place of peace and content.

Remember struggles, and challenges in life will happen. There is no avoiding, as much as one may like. It is all about how to handle the situation. Acknowledgement that it will happen can help you cope with it better. It is also important to remember that this low point won’t last forever. It is just a part of your journey through life.

I am believer that we are here on earth to learn, experience, and yes struggle amongst the beauty of this world. The ying and the yang. The good and the bad. We must take it all. So learning not to ask why questions, instead asking how can this help me become a better and stronger individual can do wonders for your journey to a peaceful and content life.

I won’t say difficult times/struggles are easy. Yes, it does suck at the moment. It isn’t enjoyable. But having a healthy mindset about the situation can help you move through this difficult part in life much more smoothly and quickly.

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Image result for struggles quotes

Find Contentment

Content is a state of satisfaction. In Hinduism it is called Santosha. I am discussing this topic, because I believe this is what we should strive for in life.

Happiness is a wonderful feeling. We all strive for happiness. Although happiness is great. It should not be the end goal. I used to believe that we should look for happiness, but I learned like many emotions. The feelings of happiness come and go.

Content is what we should look for. This feeling is much more consistent, and obtainable. Like I mentioned it is all about satisfaction in your life, and your self. Acceptance of the good and bad, the mistakes, challenges, and struggles. It is knowing that you, and life aren’t always going to be perfect.

Happiness only looks at the positive. It is more idealistic. It is less stable and consistent. There are expectations that are attached to happiness. This can lead to misery and disappointment when we don’t achieve what we think can make us happy. Even if you do achieve it. You most likely won’t be happy for long, because happiness isn’t consistent.

Content is learning to be satisfied with what you have, who you are, and where you are going. There are no expectations. There are no high standards. It is just learning to be.

I am not saying don’t strive to be happy, or have goals, or strive for anything in general. I just think it shouldn’t be the end goal. Learning to ride the wave of life brings much more peace to your life.

We must remember we will not always be happy. If you think you must be happy all the time. It can make you feel guilt, or you may hate yourself, and your life for not feeling that way.

We must learn it is okay not to be happy sometimes. That is why happiness shouldn’t be the ultimate goal. Finding contentment is where you will find peace with yourself and your life. So we should think lets be content, instead of being happy. We may even learn to appreciate the happiness a bit more this way.

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