Tag: #self-acceptance

Keys to Building Self-Esteem

by Ana-Alicia

When it comes to self-esteem balance is important. Too much or too little can can affect your relationships, your sense of self, your sense of reality, mental state. It is important to have a realistic view of oneself. Learning to appreciate the positive, and accepting the negatives, but not allowing the negatives to define you. Too high of a self-esteem only looks at the positives of oneself, to a point of exaggerating them. Vice versa for a lower self-esteem, having an exaggerated negative viewpoint of oneself, only focusing on the negative parts of oneself.

What is it?

In psychology, the term self-esteem is used to describe a person’s overall sense of self-worth or personal value. In other words, how much you appreciate and like yourself. It involves a variety of beliefs about yourself, such as the appraisal of your own appearance, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors(verywellmind).

Why is it important?

We need a good amount of self-esteem to help us reach our goals. To motivate us. To have the confidence to achieve the things we want to achieve. It helps build you for success. It allows you to be more open, honest, and assertive. It gives you freedom to be who are, no apologies. You learn to focus on your priorities and happiness, rather than on every one else’s.

I would like to discuss a couple of keys that can help build your confidence. These keys listed are from the lovely Julia Kristina. I really enjoy watching her videos, and I love her ideas. I will list the keys, and put my take on these keys.

  • Live mindfully-Being present is always the first step to self-growth and improvement. When you are present. You become aware. Being aware can help you recognize negative self-talk. It can allows you to reason and ask questions. Is this logical? Are these thoughts facts? Are these thoughts true? Would I say these things to a friend who was feeling down? Awareness can help us ask questions, learning to challenge these thoughts, reframe, and look at things more positively and realistically leading one to feel better about themselves.
  • Self-acceptance– A topic I discuss a lot, and the reason is because it is important to have this to live a more fulfilling, happier, and peaceful life. This is all about putting your focus on the positive aspects of oneself, using it to your advantage, and learning to acknowledge the negatives, either learning to grow from them, or accepting them as part of who you are. Acknowledging that no one is perfect and that is okay.
  • Taking responsibility-Learning you have control of what you want to do in life. We are responsible for our actions, our healing, how we cope, our achievements, our goals. No one can achieve your goals for you. No one can heal, or cope for you. No one can make you a happier individual. These are things you got to work for yourself. Giving yourself the opportunity to do things for oneself builds confidence, character, strength etc,. You learn what you are capable of, rather then leaning on others all the time. You can’t grow from that. If you don’t know your capabilities from taking responsibility. You can’t build a healthy self-esteem for oneself. Life situations and other people are out of your control, but your goals, achievements, actions, mindset, coping strategies, and success is up to you.
  • Self-assertiveness-Learning not to be afraid of saying what is on your mind, even if it may hurt others, or embarrass oneself. You as an individual has a voice too, and it should be heard. Now we shouldn’t be hurtful or harmful towards others, the intent shouldn’t be malicious, but if you need to voice an opinion, and get yourself heard, then you should speak up. It could upset someone, but if you speak with kindness and not in an aggressive manner. They may learn to understand your viewpoint. Remember, your voice matters too. Your thoughts matter too. No one is above another person. We all have a right to voice our thoughts and opinions.
  • Living a life of value-What brings you joy? What bring you happiness? What brings meaning to your life? What gives you purpose? What adds value to your life? What can help you evolve as a person? The answer to these questions are important for your well-being and life fulfillment. This also helps build a nice self-esteem. I feel good about myself when I take care of my plants. I feel good about myself when I write these blog posts. I feel good about myself when I had a nice productive, mindful day. I feel good when I practice yoga or meditation, when I listen to soothing sounds. All the things that make you feel good about yourself, that add value, do them! All of these things can help you to think better of yourself.
  • Living with integrity-Learning to live life the best way you can. All you can do is try. Trying to live as honest as you can. Working towards improving your life to bring happiness, wellness and peace to your life. Having a honest relationship with oneself is important. You can’t have a healthy relationship with someone who lies to you, so you can’t have one with yourself if you do so as well. Be as honest and as real as you can be. The freedom of it will set you free. This can teach you to love and appreciate oneself, and help boost one’s esteem.

These last two I came up on my own, while I was doing this research. I felt they should be added.

  • Learning to create more positive self-talk-Being able to build yourself up is so important for your self-esteem. Saying more positive things about yourself. We are so quick to put ourselves down, which leads to lower self-self-esteem and confidence. We got to learn to say more kind things to ourselves. It is easier for us to build others up when they are down, but then neglect ourselves. Try saying more kind things to oneself.
  • Find your strengths-Put your energy on your strengths, and utilize them. Recognizing and appreciating your strengths is a great esteem booster. You may have flaws, but learn to allow your strengths to shine brighter.
  • Focus on self-Giving yourself space to be alone. To become aware of your thoughts and feelings. Learning to have a better understanding of who you are is important to building your self-esteem. If you learn to be content with yourself. You learn to appreciate oneself.

I also wanted to add some signs of a healthy self-esteem I found on a Psychology Today article. I thought it would be helpful to add. Here they are.

  • Knows the difference between confidence and arrogance
  • Is not afraid of feedback
  • Does not people-please or seek approval
  • Is not afraid of conflict
  • Is able to set boundaries
  • Is able to voice needs and opinions
  • Is assertive, but not pushy
  • Is not a slave to perfection
  • Is not afraid of setbacks
  • Does not fear failure
  • Does not feel inferior
  • Accepts who they are

The list is pretty similar to the keys above. It shows how these keys are important to build a healthy self-esteem. Having a healthy self-esteem is important to living a successful and fulfilling life. Having peace with yourself is key to living the life you want.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/self-esteem

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-self-esteem-2795868

Building Healthy Relationships

by Ana-Alicia

Trust, Respect, love, attention, communication, compromise, and commitment are things mentioned that make up a healthy relationship. A healthy relationship can bring much more joy and happiness to one’s life. The thing is many people struggle to find a healthy relationship, and end up being in one that can be toxic. It is better for our well-being to bring more positive relationships into our lives, rather than negative ones.

Building a healthy relationship is very important in life. This can be for significant others, family or friendships. It is important maintaining healthy relationships. Having someone who we enjoy being around can bring joy, happiness, and enrich our lives. Healthy relationships can also impact us in a positive way. So what goes into a healthy relationship? How does one have a healthy relationship? There are many factors. Here are some I believe can help cultivate a healthy relationship.

The most important factor is first learning to love and accept oneself. You really should know who you are as a person before getting into a serious relationship. I think being mentally stable is also important. You can’t build a relationship if you haven’t built yourself.

It is important to work on yourself first, then work on having a great relationship afterwards. Many people rush into relationships before they are mentally and emotionally mature to handle it. This is what causes problems in a relationship. If you go into a relationship thinking that this person will help improve your self-esteem, or self-image that is not a healthy way to go into a relationship. Self-love comes from you. Your significant other can motivate you and make you a better person, but that has to come naturally. It isn’t something you should force. It is not another person’s responsibility to make you feel good about yourself. That type of pressure is a recipe for disaster. This is why accepting and loving yourself from within you is important.

Remember it isn’t two halves becoming one, but two wholes, becoming a bigger and stronger whole. You are not two halves coming together to make one, but two wholes coming together. In a healthy relationship you both may strengthen each others weaknesses and may help each other to become a better person. That is part of a healthy relationship, but it should happen organically. Everyone should want to grow and improve in life, so it is great to have a significant other, or friend help bring the best out of you. But it all start with you. When you accept and love yourself as a person. It will be easier to have trust and respect in the relationship.

Jealousy in a relationship is due to insecurities, and low self-esteem of an individual. This is not something you want. Also, if you know who you are, then it will be easier for you to know what you want in a significant other. You can weed out the bad seeds a lot easier. When you know your self-worth. You will seek out individuals who will treat you well with love and respect, and you will be less likely to deal with someone who will treat you like crap. We all deserve someone who will treat us with love and respect, but if you don’t have self-love. You will most likely date someone who doesn’t treat you well.

Another factor to a healthy relationship is independence. I think people lose their independence and identity when they are with someone. This is a recipe for disaster. It is great to be together, but everyone needs their space. A couple should not spend all their time together. Both partners should have their time to themselves, hanging out with their own friends, doing their own them. It will keep the novelty in the relationship, so you both won’t get sick of each other. Being with the same person all the time can get boring, and it can lose the spark and interest in the relationship. It is important to have your own life and identity in a relationship, so that when you come together you can talk and learn more from each other.

There are times when your significant other may not enjoy the things you do, so it is best to do those things on your own, or with good friends. It isn’t healthy to only do things that your significant other wants to do, or vice versa. You both should do things you enjoy. If you both enjoy the same things, great! Have a great time together. There also times when you don’t enjoy the same things, and that is when you do your own thing and enjoy what you love. Don’t let anyone hold you back from doing what you enjoy to do, but you also shouldn’t force someone to do something they don’t enjoy either. Many people in relationships want to do everything together, but that isn’t very healthy, and leads to unhappiness in the relationship to eventually breaking up. I am not saying always do your own thing, but in life there should always be balance.

Trust, respect, honesty, equality, support are all parts of a healthy relationship. The two factors I discussed cultivate these things. Self-love and maintaining your individuality are important factors to building a healthy relationship.

Image result for healthy relationships

Finding Validation From Within

by Ana-Alicia

Do you love yourself? Do you value yourself? Do you accept yourself? Many people struggle with these concepts. People tend to be negative, critical, and judgmental of themselves.

I have written about Self-Love/Self-Acceptance in the past, but I always think this is a topic that should continuously be discussed, since many struggle with it. There are a couple of ways that can build your concept of self-love, self-worth, and self-acceptance.

Self love and acceptance comes from within. Seeking outside sources for approval can be detrimental to your well-being, and concept of self. It is always best to find validation within yourself. This is where the power lies. Now being praised, rewarded, and complimented is wonderful, but if you don’t  appreciate yourself. They really don’t mean anything.

Learning to accept your flaws is important for a healthy self-concept. Perfection does not exist in this world, and it does not exist in humans. There are things you may not like about yourself. There are mistakes you will make. It is all a part of being human, and that is okay. Remind yourself that perfection is unattainable. This can help lessen the burden of self-hatred, and criticism.

Another important thing is to remember you may not be the best. You may not be the most beautiful, most skilled, most talented etc., but you do have you own beauty, talent, and skills that makes you unique, that makes you, you. It is about learning to appreciate your strengths, and putting focus on them. You may not be the best. You may not be perfect. But there are strengths that you can build on, and focus on. Appreciate your talents!

Remember, you can’t control outside sources, but you can control your thoughts about yourself. You can’t force others to accept, appreciate, and love you. How others feel, and think about you is out of your control. The one thing you can control is how you think of yourself. The best thing is to work on how you think, and feel about yourself.

There are a couple of concepts that can boost your self-worth/self-love/self-acceptance.

  1. Accepting you are not the best/make comparisons.
  2. Accepting your flaws.
  3. Focusing on strengths.
  4. Not seeking outside sources.

Image result for self love quotes

 

Self-Love=Acceptance

by Ana-Alicia

Most people are not aware that self-love comes from acceptance. They may think it comes from external things- beauty, money, objects, other people, achievements- but that is not the case. It comes from accepting yourself, your unique qualities, your flaws, your strengths.

Understanding your true nature, what makes you happy, sad, what triggers your emotions, why you do the things you do, what you want in life. Knowing, and learning about yourself cultivates self-love.

You can’t find it outside yourself. Once you are able to accept, and appreciate who you really are. Self-love will emerge, and set you free. This doesn’t happen over night. It takes time, but can be done, and should be for your well-being.

Image result for self love

Image result for self love

Embrace Your Unique Beauty

by Ana-Alicia

The problem is we try to be like everyone else, instead of just trying to be our own unique, quirky self. Focus on your unique beauty. We are all beautiful in our own way. How boring it would be if we were all the same. Strive to be yourself, not to be like, or look like others. That is them, you are you. Be too focused on loving and accepting yourself to worry about, or envy others. We all have something special about us. It is about finding it.

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Building a Healthy Relationship

by Ana-Alicia

Building a healthy relationship is very important in life. This can be for significant others, family or friendships. It is important maintaining healthy relationships. Having someone who we enjoy being around can bring joy, happiness, and enrich our lives. Healthy relationships can also impact us in a positive way. So what goes into a healthy relationship? How does one have a healthy relationship? There are many factors. Here are some I believe can help cultivate a healthy relationship.

The most important factor is first learning to love and accept oneself. You really should know who you are as a person before getting into a serious relationship. I think being mentally stable is also important. You can’t build a relationship if you haven’t built yourself.

It is important to work on yourself first, then work on having a great relationship afterwards. Many people rush into relationships before they are mentally and emotionally mature to handle it. This is what causes problems in a relationship. If you go into a relationship thinking that this person will help improve your self-esteem, or self-image that is not a healthy way to go into a relationship. Self-love comes from you. Your significant other can motivate you and make you a better person, but that has to come naturally. It isn’t something you should force. It is not another person’s responsibility to make you feel good about yourself. That type of pressure is a recipe for disaster. This is why accepting and loving yourself from within you is important.

Remember it isn’t two halves becoming one, but two wholes, becoming a bigger and stronger whole. You are not two halves coming together to make one, but two wholes coming together. In a healthy relationship you both may strengthen each others weaknesses and may help each other to become a better person. That is part of a healthy relationship, but it should happen organically. Everyone should want to grow and improve in life, so it is great to have a significant other, or friend help bring the best out of you. But it all start with you. When you accept and love yourself as a person. It will be easier to have trust and respect in the relationship.

Jealousy in a relationship is due to insecurities, and low self-esteem of an individual. This is not something you want. Also, if you know who you are, then it will be easier for you to know what you want in a significant other. You can weed out the bad seeds a lot easier. When you know your self-worth. You will seek out individuals who will treat you well with love and respect, and you will be less likely to deal with someone who will treat you like crap. We all deserve someone who will treat us with love and respect, but if you don’t have self-love. You will most likely date someone who doesn’t treat you well.

Another factor to a healthy relationship is independence. I think people lose their independence and identity when they are with someone. This is a recipe for disaster. It is great to be together, but everyone needs their space. A couple should not spend all their time together. Both partners should have their time to themselves, hanging out with their own friends, doing their own them. It will keep the novelty in the relationship, so you both won’t get sick of each other. Being with the same person all the time can get boring, and it can lose the spark and interest in the relationship. It is important to have your own life and identity in a relationship, so that when you come together you can talk and learn more from each other.

There are times when your significant other may not enjoy the things you do, so it is best to do those things on your own, or with good friends. It isn’t healthy to only do things that your significant other wants to do, or vice versa. You both should do things you enjoy. If you both enjoy the same things, great! Have a great time together. There also times when you don’t enjoy the same things, and that is when you do your own thing and enjoy what you love. Don’t let anyone hold you back from doing what you enjoy to do, but you also shouldn’t force someone to do something they don’t enjoy either. Many people in relationships want to do everything together, but that isn’t very healthy, and leads to unhappiness in the relationship to eventually breaking up. I am not saying always do your own thing, but in life there should always be balance.

Trust, respect, honesty, equality, support are all parts of a healthy relationship. The two factors I discussed cultivate these things. Self-love and maintaining your individuality are important factors to building a healthy relationship.

 

Empower our Strengths and Accept our Weaknesses

by Ana-Alicia

I am currently reading a book called Living, Learning, and Loving by Leo F. Buscaglia. I recommend you read this wonderful book, because he talks about learning to love and accept yourself. I think it is very important for one to love themselves, and not just parts of themselves, but to fully love one self. He talks about learning to celebrate your craziness, loneliness, and inadequacies. I really like that he mentioned parts of us we don’t like to embrace, and we see them as negatives, or things we hate about ourselves. But those parts are what makes us who we are as well. We must learn to accept our flaws. I don’t think one should focus too much on it though. When we focus too much on our flaws. It cultivates negative feelings towards oneself, instead try to focus on your strengths. We all have something that we like about ourselves, something we bring to the table. Put your energy into what you are good at, and be proud of the strengths you have. Don’t get too down about your weakness. All humans have weakness. No one is perfect, and honestly how boring would it be if we were all perfect. There would be no room to improve or grow, nothing to overcome. I just think we should take some time to look at the qualities of ourselves that we do like. I think this could cultivate a more positive self-image, and would give you a chance to see yourself in a more positive light, which can bring about self-love and acceptance. Accepting that you have flaws is also helpful, but the focus should be on what you think is beautiful and special about you. We all have it in us. You just have to look, so try looking into the qualities that make you awesome.

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Self-Love/Self-Acceptance

by Ana-Alicia

This is a tough concept for many people. We tend to be very critical and negative towards ourselves. The important thing is, if you don’t love yourself, how can you fully love others.

I believe there are some things that create our lack of self-love. One being, we allow others to dictate how we think and feel about ourselves. He/She doesn’t like me, so I must be an awful person?, or he/she doesn’t think I am attractive, so I must be ugly? We must remember that what others think of us is a reflection of them, not you.

Another thing to remember is not everyone will like you, or think you are beautiful, because those things are subjective. Just like you will not like everyone, and think everyone is attractive. This is something people don’t comprehend, which causes distress and self-hatred. This is why you can’t look to others to discover self-love. You must look from within yourself. You may ask, how do I do that, how do I love myself?

It starts with accepting your flaws, and weaknesses. We all try and want to be perfect, but perfection doesn’t exist. We also want to try to find a perfect partner, and that is a mistake as well. That will only leave you disappointed. No one is perfect. What we can do is learn to accept our flaws, and instead of over-blowing our flaws and seeing them as negative traits. We can see them as flaws that help us grow and evolve.

Life is a learning experience. You can’t learn from perfection. You can’t evolve from perfection. I think perfection is overrated.  Yes it is easier just to have good qualities, but nothing will change, and isn’t that boring? I also think that we should learn to focus on our good qualities. We overrate our bad qualities, and underrate our good qualities. That is also the problem.

What are your good qualities? Lets put that to the forefront. Be proud of those qualities, embrace them. Then look at your weaknesses, embrace them as well, and find ways to learn from them as well. You can always get better with practice, but if you don’t accept them. You can’t learn from them. You’ll just let those bad qualities define you, and destroy your self-worth.

Self-love is so important, and honestly the concept should be taught in schools, because so many lack self-love, and this lack of self-love can destroy relationships and families. It also cultivates hatred, jealousy, envy, violence and many other negative concepts.

Self-love cultivates compassion, love and happiness. Who doesn’t want that? All you got to do is accept yourself fully-the good and the bad. We are all beautiful in our own way. Find that way.self-confidence-is-a-byproduct-of-self-acceptance-zero-dean.jpg