Pros and Cons of Complaining

I wanted to write this post, because I recently decided I didn’t want to partake in complaining anymore. I don’t believe it is useful to me, and it permeates negativity. Now there can be some benefits to complaining, which involves venting. There is nothing wrong with expressing our troubles from time to time as long as it is not habitual. I read an article on complaining titled Hidden Benefits and Pitfalls of Complaining (verywellmind). I thought it would be helpful to discuss these benefits and pitfalls.

Pros

Venting is Necessary

Bottling in your thoughts and emotions can take a toll on a person. Sometimes it is necessary to let things out. It can give you relief. It can help you feel heard. When I get to a point when I have to let it out. I always feel much better. It can relieve stress. Letting it all out can finally help you get some answers as well. It can be from the help of the person you are venting to, or maybe now that you found relief. You can move on to figuring out what can be done to help you.

It Provides Validation

Knowing that someone gets it, and that you are not alone can be helpful. Having someone sympathize with you, or agree with you showcases that you have a right to feel and think the way you do, and that something isn’t wrong with you. Complaining to others gives us that validation we need to move forward.

Now this pro can also be a con as well. If you talk to the wrong person who validates complaints that put you in the wrong, or they agree with a distorted point of view. That type of validation can be harmful.

Getting Another Perspective

By complaining to others you may be able to gain some other perspectives on the situation. When we complain, we tend to focus on our perspective, we may see things in black and white terms, or blow the situation out of proportion. Talking to another person may help you see that your perspective may not align with reality. This can help give you new insight to the situation. You may realize things are not as bad as you think, or you shouldn’t really be as angry or upset as you feel.

Finding Solutions

It can be easier finding solutions when you have more people involved. Complaining to others may make it easier for you to find a solution. It can help open you up to others input, and possible solutions you didn’t think of.

Complaining Leads to Action

Sometimes it is important to complain to the right people who can help make changes. I once complained to my bosses about a situation at work. They heard it, and fixed it, problem solved. Sometimes it is that easy. Complaints that are work related, or any situation that is outside your control. It is best to complain to people who can help you. I had coworkers complain to me about work related stuff that can probably be solved by talking to a supervisor or lead. I can’t help them with these problems, so it is useless complaining to me. This is why it is important to complain to the right people. If you do, then things can get done to make things better for you.

Cons

Focusing on the Problem, Not the Solutions

This is a big one when it comes to cons of complaining. Putting your attention on the problem will leave you stuck, feeling hopeless, depressed, angry, and frustrated. You will never be satisfied, and your perspective will only focus on the negative. This type of mindset when it comes to complaining can cultivate misery for an individual.

Pessimism

Constant complaining can lead to a pessimistic outlook. Being a habitual complainer cultivates negativity.

Negative Groups

Misery loves company. Complaining can be contagious. Complainers may gravitate towards others who complain. A complainer may get you going, and get you to complain as well. It may start out as validating each other, but end up turning into an angry mob, or a negativity circle of friends.

Drain on Others

Constant complaining can definitely be a drain on others, and bring others down. People have their own problems. They don’t want to be dragged down by someone else’s problems. We should try to build and lift others up, not bring them down. Constant complaining can push others away from you, leaving you with no support system to help.

I will say this if complaining leaves you feeling worse, gets nothing done, and it is constantly about the same topic. This type of complaining is toxic. It serves no purpose, but to drain you of life, happiness, and peace of mind. Complaining has its good moments from time to time. When you need someone to listen. When there is a solution on the horizon. When you had enough, and need to voice your thoughts.

I am not against complaining if it can help you, or myself in any way. I will only complain if it benefits me, if it doesn’t, I will let it be, and keep moving forward. Sometimes things in life sucks, sometimes things don’t go your way, sometimes people disappoint, that is life. There is no need to wallow in negativity about it. Tell yourself, things may suck now, but there will be plenty of things to brighten your life as well. Life has its good and bad moments. You got to deal with the bad ones, to appreciate and enjoy the good moments.

Source:https://www.verywellmind.com/complaining-why-do-we-do-it-3144857

Mindful Break Time(Mindfulness Reminder)

I needed a break from the information overload I was getting online. I found this lovely passage in my mi dullness book. I appreciate the awareness I have from mindfulness practice to take mental breaks and be mindful.

It does a great job of clearing my mind, and helps rejuvenate my spirit. I absolutely can’t wait for the nicer weather to be able to enjoy the freshness of the outdoors, and beauty of the natural scenery.

Mindfulness is a wonderful thing. It opens you up to opportunities, new adventures, shifts in thoughts and behavior, and creative power. I now feel refreshed and ready to start my shift.

I think it is important to be aware of when to take breaks. Your mind can only withstand so much. A break may be all you need, even if it is 5 minutes. Sit, take a walk, stretch, write etc,. Mindfulness practice isn’t a quick fix, but it can improve your well-being over time with continuous practice.

Sharpen the Saw

I was reading the book 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. There is a chapter about sharpening the saw, and it really resonated with me. I found this concept to be similar to mindful time. The story behind this is that there was a competition between a younger and older lumberjack to see who can cut down the most trees. The younger one continued to cut the trees without breaks, while the older one took breaks throughout the day. The older lumberjack ended up winning, despite being older, weaker, and less energetic. The reason is because he took breaks to sharpen his saw. A sharp saw will win over a dull one anytime.

This story and concept show how important it is to take breaks to sharpen the saw, meaning to gain clarity. Constant working leads to exhausting and cloudiness of the mind. You will be much more effective when you give yourself space. I have to say my best ideas comes from taking time to breathe and be mindful. When I am journaling, taking walks, reading, watching inspirational vloggers, or on vacations. It is important to be present, and in the moment, so that your mind can breathe and gain insight. Our minds need breaks. The mind won’t work well with continuous work and overload. You may think it is a good idea to keep going, but doing that just weakens your clarity and creativity.

I am staying indoors today, due to another snow storm, thankfully not as bad as the last one, but I wanted to be productive and mindful today. This is where this idea came from. I didn’t want to waste my only day off for the next 10 days on distractions only. This is where mindful practices come in handy. I did some reading, some yoga, some writing as you can see. I even found going outside to clean my car therapeutic. Most may see it as a chore or annoying, and I do majority of the time as well, but today I didn’t mind going out. I put some music on, and cleaned the snow off, it was kind of nice. The snow is really fluffy, so it came off easy, and it gave me a nice workout. It was nice to just do something, rather than just sitting inside.

I know this topic has become a recurring theme of my posts, but that just means how important this concept is, and how it never gets old to be reminded of it. Breaks are really important, sharpen the mind, like you sharpen the saw. This can only come from giving yourself the space to think and relax. To be in the moment and enjoy life as it is. Work will always be there, but the moment will not.

Detach From Thoughts & Emotions

You may think, how can I do this? Isn’t these things part of who I am? Thoughts and emotions are part of our life experiences. They don’t necessarily define who we are.

As taught in spiritual teachings. Attachment creates suffering. Detachment cultivates peace. It is our human nature to attach.

Our souls are boundless, timeless, and limitless. Emotions and thoughts are part of humanity. They are not who we are. They do not define us. It is best to observe our thoughts and emotions.

Tell yourself, I am thinking this thought, or I am feeling this emotion. Be aware and observe. These things are a part of the human experience. They can be difficult at times. They can also be enjoyable.

Just remember that observing creates peace of mind. Attaching to them creates suffering. A thought is a thought. An emotion is an emotion. They just are. Giving them less power creates freedom and peace.

A Society of Overstimulation

It just seems more and more difficult to focus, and to do the things that need to be done, be it for work, or for our own self-fulfillment. The digital/technological age has made it hard for us to just focus on one thing. I sometimes find it hard to sit through a 20 minute Youtube video without looking for something else to stimulate my brain.

It has become increasingly hard for us to do the tasks that need to be done, or to just simply sit and be alone, read, mediate, exercise, be creative. We just rather scroll, and watch videos or movies. It is just so much easier to do so. It doesn’t take a lot of energy to do these things. The things that can be beneficial for our mental and physical health takes work, so people tend to choose the latter.

Getting ourselves to focus is hard. Getting ourselves to get motivated and take action takes work. Getting myself to continue writing my book takes work, but I continue to remind myself, or be reminded that the end goal is most important. It doesn’t matter how small the step is, just do something.

I have found reading to be quite easy and pleasurable to do recently. I wanted to read, but never took the steps to read, until recently. Now that I am reading more. I want to read more. So the time I use to scroll. I use to do something more meaningful for myself, which is read. The power to scroll loses its appeal. It is all about learning to build these habits, even starting small makes a difference.

I was just watching a video of how overstimulation is ruining our lives, and it prompt me to write this. I mean, we all know it isn’t good for us to be on social media, watch TV, procrastinate, and do nothing that helps us grow, but we still do it, because it is easy, why not? The things we want in life takes work, and who wants to do that!? No one does, but it has to be done, if you want improvement in your life, if you want inner peace, or if you want to reach your goals.

Overstimulation is ubiquitous in our lives. Doing one task has become incredibly difficult. Enjoying the simple things have become incredibly difficult. People need their quick dopamine fix. Searching for the next thing to entertain them, rather than finding things on their own to entertain themselves. With the likes of Tik Tok(I believe to be the worse SNS platform) that has made it possible.

I fall for this trap, so I am not hear to preach to you all. I am part of this need for overstimulation. It is ingrained in us. I have a TV, computer, Alexa, and phone in my room. So I am surrounded by over stimulating objects. I do try to use one at a time, and be intentional with how I use them to the best I can.

I now have my phone behind me, out of sight for now. I think it is best when working on a task, or doing something mindful that you keep your phone out of sight. It is easy to get dragged into the notification whole. It is also easier to pick it up, and look at it just to check if you have any notifications, man I do this a lot. I was able to do some writing today, and I started reading a new book as well. I also did my Saturday morning plant maintenance routine as well. I believe it was a successful proactive Saturday morning.

I am just trying to be more mindful, and trying to focus on one task at a time. This isn’t easy, especially watching videos, but it can be done with a certain amount of will. We can easily be distracted. I know I can, so I want to take this day to be intentional with how I put my focus on to things. One thing at a time. Be proactive. Be intentional. Keep distance from overstimulation. Things to remind myself, and hopefully I can remind you as well.

Motivation

Recently I haven’t had much motivation. I was on a high weeks ago, but fell to a low this week. This happens. Motivation to do things comes and go, but what actually motivates us? I am sure we all asked that question. You may think why am I never motivated? You may also ask how do I get motivated? I will try to answer these questions to the best of my ability.

Definition

-the reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way.

-the general desire or willingness of someone to do something.

-Motivation is the desire to act in service of a goal.

There are 4 types of motivation:

  • Extrinsic Motivation-Comes from outside of us. We do it, because we feel we have to, or there will be consequences to the decision. It is done for external reasons.
  • Intrinsic Motivation-Comes from inside us. Doing something important or valuable to us. It is done for internal reasons.
  • Introjected motivation-If the action is not done, one will feel guilt.
  • Identified motivation-Where a person knows something needs to be done, but hasn’t done it yet.

What motivates us?

I came up with five, there could be more, but I felt these five were factors that help motivate us to get things done.

  • The end goal must be meaningful and important to you-You got to really want this thing to happen for your well-being. My example is, I eat healthier and exercise, because I really want to be healthy as I grow older. This is important to me, and keeps me motivated to stay healthy.
  • You prefer the positives over the negatives-To put it simple, the positives outweigh the negatives of doing something, so you choose to do it.
  • For the sake of your happiness/peace of mind-This is when life is unbearable not taking action, or not doing anything creates suffering and unhappiness. This pushes you to do something. For example, if I don’t write, I feel unaccomplished, this pushes me to write. I think this is one of biggest motivators.
  • Listening, or watching others/Reading-Other people can help motivate you to get things done. I recently watched Amy Landino’s Youtube video on Motivation, which pushed me to write this post, and write more in general. All you may need is some words of inspiration or knowledge to get you moving.
  • Life experiences-Situations that happen in life can get someone motivated to do things. For example, my grandma passed at a young age, due to diabetes, and poor health. This pushed my aunt’s and Mom to live a healthier lifestyle.

How do you get motivated?

It takes two things, effort and action. Motivation doesn’t just come to you. Waiting around for it to strike will do you no good. You got to push yourself to do the things you want to do. It isn’t always easy to start, but once you get going you may not want to stop. I don’t want to go for a run today, but I know how important it is for me to get a workout, so I push myself to do it, which keeps me motivated. The important thing is pushing yourself to take action, and get it done.

Motivation is a wonderful thing, but it takes work. It doesn’t come easy. You don’t just wake up, and become motivated. You got to do the work. You got to push. You got to really want change. The short-term may not be fun, you may struggle, and you may not enjoy it, but you will eventually see a whole lot of benefits in the long-term, which will cultivate a more happier, healthier, and peaceful you. Remember, short-term pains lead to long-term gains.

20 Fitness Motivation Quotes to Break Out of Your Comfort Zone | Goalcast

Dealing With Grief

I am writing this post, because I recently talked to a friend who is dealing with the loss of her grandfather. There were laughs, crying, happiness, joy and sadness. Also, feelings of guilt and sorrow. With many questions. This is quite normal when dealing with grief. Emotions are all over the place, and that is perfectly fine.

I was happy to be there for her to vent, and to talk about her grandfather. She had lovely stories to tell. All of these things that happened are totally normal for grief. There will be ups and down, even in a span of 30 minutes. You will not get over it quickly. You will struggle to come to terms with the loss. There will be questions about death. These are ways we cope.

We try to suppress our sadness, the tears, anger, guilt, frustrations, but we have to remember it is part of the process of healing. We want to get over it, but it just isn’t possible. You may even start putting blame on yourself for having these feelings, or putting blame on yourself for not doing too much, or being there enough for your loved one that has passed. This is quite normal, but we must be reminded, during this fragile time to be kind to ourselves, and remember that we are not perfect, and that you most likely did all you can do.

It will take time to recover. In the meantime, allow your emotions to flow through you. It may be hard at times, but it can be really helpful to just let go. Try not to be ashamed of crying. It is your body’s way of letting your sorrows out. It is better to let it out, than to suppress it.

We all grieve in different ways. At a different pace. So cry, some don’t. Some talk, some are silent. Some lash out, some stay calm. Some prefer to be around others, some prefer solitude. There is no wrong or right way to grieve, unless it purposely causes harm to others, others than that grieve how you want. Death is the most difficult thing to cope with in life. It is one of life’s biggest struggles.

The journey to recovery can take time, especially if it was someone close to you. Also, if there is someone close to you who lost someone, please try to take time to be there for them, and check on them. Giving them a space to talk and vent is important. All you have to do is listen and be empathetic.

I also recommend during the grieving process to be creative and productive. Try some meditation, exercise, journal, and read as well. Most importantly, keep your distance from social media as that can hinder your healing process. There will be times when you just want to lay down and do nothing, that is perfectly fine. You’ll need that mental and physical break.

Another thing I like to mention is, I preach living in the moment, but I found the importance of pictures, while visiting my friend. She had many photos of her grandfather. It was nice to see, and it is nice to look back on them. I get being in the moment, but memories fade, and pictures can be helpful in keeping memories alive. It made me realize I should take more pictures.

Thoughts Are Our Stories

Thoughts are just thoughts. They are stories of the mind. Be it retelling stories of the past, or pondering stories for the future. Our thoughts are not based on reality. They are bias, and they tend to be negative. Thoughts are our mind’s way of trying to understand the complex world around us. It is there to try to understand the difficult emotions and situations we face. It tries to provide comfort, but usually ends up making us feel worse.

We must remember thoughts are stories of the mind. They tend to focus on the past, or future. The reality is in the moment. You can have thoughts about the future, but it isn’t reality, until you are in the future moment, experiencing the situation. You can have thoughts of the past, but it isn’t reality, it has already happened, and usually your thoughts of the past are distorted.

Thoughts about ourselves and others are also distorted. Talking down to ourselves. Judging others. These thoughts are not based on reality. They can be negativively biased. They make us feel worse about ourselves and others, than we really should. Our mind’s want to protect us from getting hurt by painting this brush of negative thoughts and worse case scenarios, but it doesn’t work. It doesn’t help. It tends to make us feel worse.

We have negative thoughts about others, because we want to feel better about ourselves, but it doesn’t help us fix our own struggles. We have negative thoughts about ourselves, because we have high standards for ourselves and want to be perfect, but that is impossible, because all humans have flaws and make mistakes. It is important to be aware that thoughts are just thoughts, thoughts are stories, thoughts are bias, thoughts are distorted to fit your perception. They do not reflect reality. They do not define you.

35 Things That Improved My Life/Things I Appreciate

Today I will be celebrating my 35th birthday. Some people see their birthdays as getting older, but I look at it as celebrating another year of life on this earth. I made it another year! That is something to celebrate. I wanted to make a post of the 35 things that improved my life, or things I appreciate to celebrate 35 years. It is good to put focus on the good, and look at the bright side, so I wanted to make this. The list isn’t in order of anything. I appreciate all these things equally.

1.Becoming aware

2.Practicing mindfulness

3.Appreciating connections with friends and family

4.Drinking more water

5.Eating healthier

6.Consuming less sugar

7.Creating this blog

8.Journaling

9.Learning not to strive for happiness/seek contentment

10.Accepting my flaws

11.Getting a better paying job

12.Having mindful time

13.Taking deep breaths

14.Meditation

15.Getting a dependable car

16.Taking small steps

17.Getting at least 30 minutes of exercise a day

18.Reading

19.Not allowing Social Media to control my thoughts & emotions

20.Learning to accept all emotions

21.Taking nature walks

22.Appreciating the people who love me/like me

23.Not caring about likes and attention

24.Expressing myself without worries

25.Appreciating being in my own skin

26.Taking in the moment as much as I can

27.Looking at the positives

28.Appreciating my strengths

29.Learning happiness comes from within

30.Finding appreciation for the people and things in my life

31.Finding the joys of life

32.Becoming a plant owner

33.Learning patience

34.Embracing the struggles

35.Accepting life for what it is

While writing this I found a couple of other things that I could list as well. You don’t realize how many things you appreciate in life, until you start looking. I implore you all to do a list like this, not just for your birthday, although that would be fun, but just in general to show you how much their is to appreciate in life. Yes, there are negatives and bad things that happen in life, but there is also plenty of good and positives. Putting your attention on the good brings peace and happiness.