Getting Through the Storm

There will be difficult times in your life. Times when it is hard to see the good and be positive. As much as I love positive vibes. We can’t have that mindset all the times. Sometimes situations just suck, but being able to bare through, and accept the situation takes a good mindset and strength. It is easy to fall into the negativity trap, and it will seep through. It is normal. Are minds are set to see the negative. That is fine to allow some negative thoughts in. It is only a problem for our well-being when it is consumed too much.

I had a tough week at work. It was a struggle to remain positive. I decided to just accept what is, and tried to keep thinking that the weekend will come soon, and I can relax again and recharge. I didn’t want to consume myself with too much negativity, so I tried some things to calm my mind and find some inner peace.

Getting up in the morning was tough, but once I was up. I tried some meditation to calm my thoughts for the upcoming work day. I also did some journaling to get my thoughts out and face my emotions. I sometimes just sat in my living room. I really enjoy just sitting in my living room. i like the space and peace of it. I just sat there immersing myself in the moment, in the scenery, and my surroundings. Just sifting through my thoughts and emotions. I also spent some time watching Kpop content, although I don’t like to consume myself with it too much. There are times when I watch it to bring me joy. The content brings me happiness and laughter, and at times like these you need to find the little things that bring a smile to your face.

Another thing you can do to get through it is talk to others. I like venting my thoughts and feeling to my coworkers who are in the same boat as me. The empathy and understanding comes along way to healing. There is something very therapeutic about talking to others and having someone empathize with your words and feelings. Now remember venting is healthy, but constant complaining can get be a bit much and create negativity in your life and others. Complaining won’t get you anywhere. Let your thoughts and feelings out, get some relief, and then move forward. You got to find peace from within yourself.

I took a nice walk this Saturday, which was also very calming and joyful for me. I also spent time with family communicating and connecting which was nice. That is also a good way to get your spirits up. I am now enjoying a nice relaxing day of productive writing. I can use this day to relax and recharge myself before the storm hits again in the new work week.

I accept that work will be challenging, until we get more people. Long days, lots of work. It is what it is. If I want change, I can make changes. If I don’t want to make physical changes, than I must try to change my mindset. There will be times when you are unhappy, annoyed, angry, frustrated. I must remind myself that it is okay to feel these emotions, but I must remember to take a step back, take deep breaths, and let things flow. Embrace the little joys and times of peace.The storm will pass eventually. You just got to build strength to take in these difficult times. See some positive. I at least get the weekend to relax and enjoy the things I like to do. I will get through this. You will get through this. Just keep moving forward.

Things you can do to help get through the storm:

  • Journal
  • Take nature walks
  • Take deep breaths
  • Face thoughts and emotions
  • Connect with others
  • Communicate with others
  • Find little joys
  • Find laughter
  • Create something
  • Make changes
  • Adapt
  • Accept

Coping With Loss

Loss is a tough subject to discuss. It is a subject we like to avoid at all cost. The problem is that it is unavoidable. We will all deal with loss in our lifetime. Avoiding the subject may be our safety net. It gives us comfort and keeps us at ease. But avoiding isn’t always the best solution. Life is unpredictable and we should expect that loss is inevitable. People may think this is a grim way of looking at life, but it isn’t. It is about accepting the reality. Acceptance brings peace of mind and freedom. It will allow an individual to cope, manage loss, and the grieving process will be much easier. It will still be painful. Loss comes with pain. It will just be easier to deal with being able to face the dark reality of life.

I am talking about this heavy subject, because a coworker of mine lost a close friend recently, and discussed his concerns to me about it. He even witnessed it in person. When he was explaining what happened. I felt a lot of empathy and sorrow for him. It is tough knowing what to say in those situations. I am sorry seems so simplistic, but sometimes that is all you can say. We may even say things that can be hurtful to the individual, because we think these words are helpful, or we just don’t know what to say. The one thing you can do as an individual is be there and listen.

As he was telling me his story, he felt said he felt guilt for not doing more to save him. This is a very normal reaction to witnessing a death. Guilt is one emotion that will most likely be felt, during the grieving process. It is understandable, but as I reminded him that at the moment you can only do all you can do. It is a stressful environment and it can be hard to think logically in that type of environment. The best thing you can do for yourself is be kind and compassionate towards oneself, during grief. An individual is dealing with enough, during that time. You don’t want to add self-blame to the mix.

Sadness, sorrow, and even depression will be felt, during the process of grief. It is okay to feel these emotions. It is best to not mask it with external means(alcohol, drugs, food). We need to endure the pain and sadness, so that we can move forward and accept.

It does get better, but one must go through the pain of loss. Talking to others who understand can be very helpful. Be it family, friends, support groups, people who dealt with loss as well can be comforting. I gave him as much comfort as I can, but having someone there to listen can be enough. If there is no one there to listen, than journaling can be another outlet to get your feelings out there. Also crying, screaming, or just taking some time off to just grieve is perfectly okay. If you want to stay in bed and not do anything, that is okay as well. No one should feel ashamed of grieving or sadness. There is no quick fix or happy pill. We all have our own journey through the grieving process, some take longer than others. There is no timetable to grieving. You get through when you are ready, no one else should define that for you.

Not just a loss of someone can create discomfort, but a loss of a job, home, financial security, divorce, and accident(cultivating a loss of an ability to walk/see etc,.). We need to be aware that loss is part of life. It is better to be aware and prepared as much as you can, because the unavoidable will happen. Preparation and awareness can help you heal and find peace much sooner. It will still hurt, but it won’t be as devastating to your well-being if one chooses to avoid the subject.

Understanding & Coping with Loss and Trauma | Dr. Christina Hibbert

Understanding Your Emotions

How I am feeling? This is something you should try to ask yourself as often as you can. Asking this question is a great tool to become more aware and understanding of your emotions. Not being able to be mindful of your emotions can create confusion, frustration and negativity. The ability to immerse ourselves in our emotions can allow us to understand the why of the feeling. This can then help you work through and resolve the emotions, and this can allow you to move on.

We live in a society that has taught us to push away feeling that creates discomfort. That shouldn’t be the case. We should learn to embrace both types of emotions. Now emotions aren’t innately good or bad, positive or negative. We associate these good or bad qualities to these emotions with how they make us feel, it is perceived. Good/positive emotions make us feel comfortable, at ease. Bad/negative emotions gives us discomfort,they makes us feel like crap. Both emotions should be embraced by us. The emotions that we perceive as good/positive bring us peace, joy and happiness. The emotions that bring discomfort teach us lessons, challenges us, and help us evolve. Both are needed.

Emotions are part of being human. They are unavoidable. They are part of we are. This is why it is important to check in with yourself and see how you are feeling. Be mindful of them and try not to push them aside. Immerse in it, understand it. Accept it part of your life. Avoiding the feeling will just exacerbate it, but actually feeling it will give it less power, and gives you the chance to resolve why you felt the way you did. Feeling it creates clarity and peace of mind.

Some ways to help you get in tune with your emotions are:

  • Journaling
  • Taking mindful breaks
  • Take deep breaths when you are feeling an emotion that creates discomfort
  • Daily or weekly emotion check in logs

Learning the why’s of your emotions can help you resolve the thoughts, feelings and behaviors one gets from these emotions. It allows one to cope with challenges and struggles much better. It can help you bounce back from negative emotions much faster. Emotions come and go. They are not you. They do not define you. Just ride the wave of emotions, the good, the bad, and the in between. Allow it to flow through you and keep moving forward. The only way you can do this is by understanding and accepting the emotion. If you don’t understand at the moment, that is okay, it will come eventually. So how am I feeling? Am I…

Positive/Good emotions:

  • Excited
  • Energized
  • Joyful
  • Happy
  • Grateful
  • Appreciative
  • Confident
  • Motivated
  • Inspired
  • Refreshed

Negative/Bad emotions:

  • Tense
  • Lethargic
  • Sad
  • Angry
  • Anxious
  • Somber
  • Worried
  • Guilty
  • Lonely
  • Fear

Neutral emotions

  • Content
  • Satisfied
  • Relaxed
  • Nonchalant
  • Tired

What are you feeling? There are many emotions to feel. Getting in touch with all the emotions one feels. Helps us to understand ourselves much more. Which ones do I feel more? Why do I feel this emotion? Do I feel more positive or negative ones? Why does it cause me discomfort? How can I cope? Checking in with your emotions more often can help you answer these questions and more. Don’t be afraid of your emotions. They are there to guide you, and to help you understand yourself and the world around you.

Focus Your Energy on Things That aid Growth

If it is being creative, or being productive, if it is focusing on your mental and physical health. Watching and reading inspirational things, or watching and reading things that make you think. Just think, is the thing I am doing benefiting me in any way. If it is, keep doing it, if it is not, try to step away.

SNS may fill a void and be distracting, but it doesn’t fill it for long, and may make things worse. The void won’t be fulfilled by distractions. It can most likely be filled by silence, creativity and knowledge. I realize how much time is wasted on scrolling.

Recently I have been focusing my energy on things that can help me evolve and learn. What can I gain from this experience? How can I grow? What can I learn? How does this benefit me? Are the questions I ask myself when it pertains to the things I do.

I have been looking into clean eating recently. I am always looking into eating better. I also watched a couple of minimalism videos, and other self-growth videos to make me think and figure out ways to live better and have a more fulfilling life. I have also been looking at some others videos about things in general to get me thinking and gain new knowledge about the world. I also continue to find time to write things for my book.

Although, I do scroll occasionally(it is not as interesting anymore now that I stepped away from it more often). And I do love my kpop. These things don’t pervade my life as much anymore, due to my awareness of how wasteful it can be. These things don’t enable my self-growth. They can be enjoyable, but should only be indulged every so often. There may be things in your life that may be stalling your growth and development. Whatever it is. Finding ways to put your energy away from those things and on to things that can help you grow is key. This is the only way to get to where you want to be, or get the things you want in life.

Creativity, positivity, knowledge and inspiration have been flowing through me the past two weeks. And this is due to my more mindful approach to life, and making more use of my time that benefits my self-growth. There is so much, we as individuals, can learn from out there. There is so much we can do. Putting effort into these things is what makes or breaks us. Falling into distractions is easy, and we will continue to fall into them from time to time. We just got to learn to do it less often. I definitely do, and will continue to strive to do things that aid my self-growth, and reach my goals.

Give Yourself Space(Little Reminder)

Give yourself space to allow thoughts to flow, creativity to cultivate, to immerse yourself in the moment and to check in with your emotions. It is important to get in tune with yourself from time to time. We live in a busy, distracted world. It is easy to get caught up in it. Finding the calm and silence as much as we can can be good for the soul.

I usually like to sit on the comfy sofa of my living room and just sit there. I like looking out my window. Listening to the sounds around me. Allowing my thoughts to flow through me. I always find some type of inspiration or creative outlet through this practice. This space also gives me the time to appreciate the things around me, and in life in general, also the people. I truly enjoy doing this before going to the noisy environment of work. It helps recharge me for the day.

We spend most of our time focusing on others, but we should remember to put the focus back on ourselves. You may think you are too busy, but anyone can spare at least five minutes to do this. You may be surprised how wonderful the experience can be. So what does giving yourself space cultivate?

  • Ability to be in the moment
  • Awareness and understanding of emotions
  • Self awareness
  • Self-growth
  • Inspiration
  • Creativity
  • Appreciation
  • Clarity
  • Problem solving
  • Recharges oneself
  • inner peace
  • Peace of mind

My Week off the Grid(Mostly)

I just wanted to write about my experience of less online distractions. I didn’t plan on not going on social media as much this week. It just happened. I believe I spent a total of 2 hours on SNS. On Monday I was feeling somber, unmotivated, uninspired, and mood was low. I honestly did not want any distractions from the online world. I just wanted to be in my own world. I did some journaling, some reflecting, some yoga, some sudoku, just mindful stuff. I spent the whole day offline, and I really enjoyed. I just felt being online would just bring me down more, and I wanted to immerse in my feelings to get an understanding of it. I didn’t want to distract myself with outside information and thoughts. I wanted to work though my own thoughts. It worked.

I felt much better on Tuesday, but I also wasn’t in the mood to go back online. I enjoyed my time away, and didn’t want to go back, so I used that time to plan a trip to Ocean City. I booked my hotel, and will be going in late September. That just put me in a better mood. I always wanted to have an ocean view and just listen to the sounds of the waves. I wanted to experience something exciting, since I wasn’t able to experience much this year, due to COVID. I was now in a better mood.

Now Wednesday and Thursday I scrolled a bit to catch up, but loss interest quickly. I did watch a couple of videos on Youtube, but did not engage in any comments. Now Friday I took the day off, since I wasn’t scrolling as much. I used that time to continue writing my book. I hit a wall about a week ago, but found inspiration again.

It is now Saturday, I just finished my walk, and I still have no urge to scroll. I have found much inspiration, during this week. I have used my time much more wisely, and used it to be productive. I end the week feeling motivated, inspired, excited and content. I written a draft for my next blog post, and I also decided to write this post.

I have also meditated more than I have had in awhile. It has been nice. Also, I tend to get a bit too attached to these idols I follow, and this time apart from SNS, especially Twitter has removed that attachment. I also don’t have the urge to post my experiences as much either. I usually post some pictures of my walks in nature, but did not think about doing that at all today, during my walk. I just wanted to experience the moment, and did not care to let others know what I was up to. This time off the grid has brought much peace to my inner being. It has inspired me. It has allowed me to just focus on me, and I really needed that in the beginning of the week. I come out at the end of this week feeling rejuvenated, content, at peace, relaxed and happy.

I hope whenever you are feeling sad, uninspired, somber etc,. You also take the time to be mindful and focus on yourself. You might be surprised what that time can do for your well-being.

Dealing With Constructive Criticism

Constructive criticism is the process of offering valid and well-reasoned opinions about the work of others, usually involving both positive and negative comments, in a friendly manner rather than an oppositional one.

It is hard for many to receive any type of criticism. Our ego makes it hard for us to receive it well. It can be hurtful, it stings. The thing is we need to learn to take a more mindful approach when dealing with Constructive criticism. This type of criticism isn’t there to harm you, but it is there to help one improve. We tend not to think of it that way though.

We associate constructive criticism with that person is attacking me, or that person is after me, or that person is picking on me. You may get offended. Have your pride a bit hurt. You may think ‘I am good at what I do, how can they criticize my work?’ The ego makes it all about me. Although we may see our faults and call them out. We definitely don’t like when others point out any faults, or mistakes of ours.

The thing about constructive criticism is that it is used to help you improve, and work more efficiently. The person giving constructive criticism could be doing this to makes things work more efficiently. To help make things become easier for other workers, and to make the customers happy. It may be hurtful, but we as individuals must remember that it isn’t all about you. No one is perfect. No one knows everything. You will make mistakes. You will not do everything right. Learning not to take this type of criticism personally takes getting to understand you are not perfect, and not always right, and being aware of our ego and how powerful it can be.

When it comes to work. There is always something bigger than yourself. You must expect criticism, even if you consider yourself a good worker. It doesn’t change the fact that you could make mistakes, or do things that may not be in the best interest of other workers, the company, or your customers. As we are not perfect beings. There is always something one can improve upon. It may hurt your pride/ego, but it is better to learn and grow, than to keep making the same mistakes repeatedly. I mean we all want to become the best we can be at what we do right? It all part of growing, evolving and learning.

You can only improve from constructive criticism and guidance. Well, that is if you are able to handle it in a mindful manner. You can also turn it against you, and become negative, angry, upset, bitter etc,. Remember that in the end, that just hurts you. Use that criticism as fuel to become better. Don’t use it to destroy your inner peace and progress.

Perfection is unattainable. We can only keep improving and working on ourselves. I know I am a good worker, but I know there are things I can improve upon. I have made mistakes at my work, and have been called out on it. I didn’t take it personally. I just took in their constructive criticism, listened to what they had they say, which made sense. I didn’t push back. I didn’t attack. I didn’t become reactive. I listened and gained new knowledge of things I can do better. I have learned to take it in and not take it personally. It is not about me. It is about getting things done in a more efficient way for the customers.

You may think doing things your way is the best option. The thing is the ego likes us to think our way is the right way. Sometimes you got to step back, and learn to be open minded to others opinions and advice. It may turn out their way is more efficient, or they may have some helpful advice. Some may have more experience, so they may know more than you do. There are a couple of times I thought one way was a good way, but then was taught another way that was more efficient. There is nothing wrong with learning and owning up to your mistakes. It can be hard. It can hurt your pride, but what is better, keeping your ego/pride intact, or growing and learning as an individual?

Now there can be some criticism that can be hurtful for an individual. Criticism that isn’t helpful in anyway, but is just plain hurtful is the wrong type of criticism you should not take. We should remember to tell the difference. Constructive criticism is there to help and guide you. It is there to help you improve, grow and learn. Regular criticism usually comes from a negative place, from a negative individual. Remember that type of criticism is a reflection of them, not you. It is best to ignore this type of criticism. There is no place for negative people, and their criticism in your life. Try not to allow them to pull you down with them.

Constructive criticism is good for us. The ego makes it hard for us to accept it. We must learn to break away from the ego. Be mindful and learn to take on constructive criticism to help improve. In the end, you want to do your best. You can’t do that by ignoring mistakes and flaws in your work. Remember, there is nothing to learn from perfection, and wouldn’t life be boring if there was nothing to learn?

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Learning to Adapt

I had a topic in mind this week, but I like to talk about a personal experience of mind. I tend to find inspiration to share my experiences of my mindful practices. I am always gaining some new enlightenment or reminders through my practices. With practicing mindfulness for a couple of years now. My ability to adapt to change in plans, or disappointment has improved.

I usually spend my weekends taking walks in the morning, but this Saturday the weather wasn’t particularly the best for walking. It was rainy and stormy. I was a bit disappointed I couldn’t go for a walk. It is really refreshing to take my walks in the morning, but as I realize plans don’t always go the way you want, weather is unpredictable, life is unpredictable.

I didn’t want to wallow in disappointment and let it defeat and consume me. I decided to use this negative emotion in a positive way. I wanted to use this rainy day to do some writing I have been holding off for a year now. I have been thinking about writing a book, but never really got to it. I decided to use this extra time at home to work on it. I am most creative and motivated in the morning, so this was my chance to work on it. I was happy to get a couple of things done. It was really rewarding to start it. I didn’t do much, but every little step towards your goal helps. I always think it is best to do thing little by little, instead of overwhelming yourself to get as much done. It puts a lot of pressure on oneself.

I was proud of myself that I was able to do something productive and positive with my extra time home, instead of wasting it on being sad and disappointed. I started to appreciate the time I got to be home. This was my chance to relax. I am always moving with work, during the work week. This rainy day was my opportunity to relax my body. Although, I have become aware of it. I like to be reminded that change can be a wonderful experience if you learn to focus your energy on the positives of it, and make use of it.

I also found it relaxing and soothing to just sit there and listen to the sound of rain. It was quite nice. It made me appreciate rainy days like these. Sometimes we need days like these to find inspiration, be creative and relax our bodies. I was reminded Saturday that a day at home can be just as wonderful as a day exploring. It is all about perspective.

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Rodolfo Costa Quote: “Learn to adapt. Things change, circumstances ...

Be Honest With Your Story

I watched a very inspirational TED Talk by a therapist Lori Gottlieb. I found her talk to be very inspiring and insightful. It made me think about this topic. She talks about the stories we tell ourselves and others that serve our ego, but doesn’t necessarily help us in real life.

What do I mean by stories? These are encounters about our lives we retell ourselves and others. It may do with arguments, disagreements, relationship struggles, life struggles etc,. We tend to tell stories from our point of view. We tend to see ourselves as the victim, the good guy, telling the story to make us look like the good guy. In reality, there is always three sides to the story, your side, their side and the reality. I won’t say this type of storytelling is on purpose. It is our way of protecting ourselves. We are hurt, so it is comforting to reflect blame on others and the world. Even if it may not be helpful. It helps to put the pressure off oneself. But by doing this, it also puts control away from oneself.

The thing is we like to label people and situations. This person is awful, bad, annoying etc,. Life sucks, things never go my way, bad things always happen to me etc,. We should try to be honest with ourselves and look into the reality of what is going on. You may even learn to see your own faults in the situation. You are not perfect, they are not perfect, life is not perfect. There is no right or wrong. It is just different perspectives. It is important to be honest with your story. Tell your story. It is okay to be hurt and share your feelings, but remember to also look into the story of the other perspective.

Maybe that person was a ‘jerk’ for a reason? Maybe that person got upset for a reason? Maybe there are other reasons the relationship didn’t work, other than they cheated, or are a jerk. Maybe there is another reason they aren’t talking to you? Think about what exactly caused the situation or reaction, instead of being in defensive mode and seeing things in terms of black and white. All situations have an underlying truth and reasoning. There is a root cause. We all have different backgrounds, upbringings, personalities. How you see things, won’t necessarily be how another sees it. Learning to be aware of the reality of our stories is a wonderful gift to have. That can help us manage difficult situations much better.

We tend to ignore and label people and situations. But we must remember our stories are from our perceived mind. We should learn to be aware that are stories aren’t always based on truth. Be honest with yourself. Also be honest with others. It is hard to tell others how we truly feel/think, but it is the one way to come to an understanding. Another way is to look at their perspective and see their story. It is not about the mindset of you are right, they are wrong. You are the victim, they are the problem. I am good, they are bad and vice versa. It isn’t that simple.

Sometimes you got to look at, maybe I was wrong, maybe I helped create some problems in this relationship, maybe I could have done more to help my situation. There is nothing wrong with being honest with your faults. It is not about self-blame or criticism.This is about having self compassion and respect for your imperfect qualities as a human being. Doing this can only help you grow and improve. Remember you can’t help others change, but you can do things for yourself. Asking yourself, how could I have handled the situation better?, what can I improve on? These questions can be very empowering and can only help your journey to self growth. This can allow you to not continue to do the things that creates problems in your life.

All this can help you grow and become a better version of oneself. This will allow you to come to an understanding. It will allow you to have peace of mind. Worrying, being angry, bitter upset about what others, and what life has done to you serves you no purpose. It is human to have these feelings and you should, but there is a time to come to an understanding, look within yourself, improve what you could have done and move forward. Learning to change your story.

So what is the point of my post. Here are the things to take from this.

  1. Be honest with the story you tell yourself(it starts with you)
  2. Be honest with the story you tell others(communication is the key to understanding others and others understanding you.
  3. Look into the stories of others(look at different perspectives)
  4. Put control back on you/Change your story(We are as trapped as our minds/thoughts are.We can do whatever we want if we don’t allow our thoughts to control us.)
  5. Understand and accept the reality of the stories we tell of our lives

People will hurt you. Life will hurt you. This is all part of life. You can focus on the story of how they hurt you, or you can focus on the story of how you can learn, and grow from the hurt. You can change you. Others and life not so much. Do what you can control. Focus your story on you and your growth.

Thoughts to end the Work Week

I always enjoy reading my mindful day book, before heading off to work. I thought this message was perfect for these times. It is easy to get caught up in the negativity storm out there. Just remember there is beauty out there. There are things to be positive about. Things may look grim now, but we can get through this with a calm and positive mind. It is easy to be filled with hate and anger, but change can only happen from a peaceful, calm and positive heart and mind. I know this is hard to practice, but try not to look into the worries of tomorrow. Try not to dwell on the sorrows of yesterday. Look into the wonders of today. You can only change what happens in the moment. The moment is your chance to grow, learn, challenge oneself, evolve, make change etc,. Struggles are lessons to overcome. Try to live each day as happily as one can. See the good, see the possibility, see the positivity. I know for some it is hard, I get it, I empathize. Just remember a negative mind and soul does nothing for your peace of mind and well-being. I wrote a bit more than I thought I would. I hope you all have a lovely weekend. Try to do something that invokes peace and happiness within yourself.