Coping With Rejection

No one likes to be rejected, but there are some who can cope with it, and others who have difficulty handling rejection. This type of fear of rejection can cause difficulty in relationships, depression, negative self-talk causing a web of internal attributions to the rejection. Some perceive rejection as something being wrong with them, they perceive it as not being lovable, acceptable, or respected. A person with a fear of rejection may have the “clinical syndrome called Rejection Sensitivity (RS) that can undermine your well-being. To you, being refused in love, career, or friendship means something is wrong with you. You have difficulty separating out self-worth and lovability from having a desire or need unreturned. In your mind, if you were only better looking, more agreeable, powerful, wittier, smarter, or thinner, you would have what you want”(Psychology in everyday life). 

Some see rejection as something is wrong with them. They don’t look at things on an external level. I believe having self-acceptance, self-worth, and self-love is an important thing to have to be able to combat the fear of rejection. If you accept oneself and know your worth. One wouldn’t perceive rejection as something’s wrong with them. Sometimes things just don’t work out, or maybe their isn’t much chemistry to the relationship, or maybe there is something about you they aren’t fond of, but that doesn’t mean you are unlovable, unattractive, or unappealing. One person should not validate your worth. Just a reminder, not everyone will like you, and you will not like everyone. Sometimes people just don’t click. Trying to please someone, or make them happy just for you to be liked is a recipe for disaster, and can lead to unhappiness. The thing is, one cannot control how others think of you, but one can control of how you feel and think about oneself, and that is most important. If you know your worth. You won’t fear rejection, or perceive it as something’s wrong with you. The same thing goes for your career life. You may not get the promotion, or a job offer, or one may not like your work. You should not feel down about the situation. One must know that you are doing your best, and if one needs to improve, then it is a good way to challenge yourself. You didn’t get that job, then there will be another job willing to see your worth. Rejection is not the end. There are plenty of jobs and people out there. Being rejected by one job, or person should not destroy your self-worth, and if rejection happens many times. It may be time to make changes to oneself, or one’s life. One should always be willing to improve and challenge oneself.

Now I know saying this is easier said and done. And there are people who has had their worth beaten and broken. It can be from abuse, bullying, etc. This cultivates rejection sensitivity. Hopefully people with rejection sensitivity see a therapist, or get help from someone  who can build up their self-worth and self-acceptance, so they no longer fear rejection.

In the article I read, they mentioned three things that can help you cope with rejection that can be helpful as well.

1.Rejection is state of meaning. It’s true, you can be denied by a person or a situation. But, you decide what rejection means to you, by the way you explain the situation to yourself. Many of you tell me that you are “destroyed” and “can’t go on living” because your affection was unreturned or you didn’t get into the school or job of choice. When you assign life and death meaning to being refused, you have nowhere to go but broken and down.

2.Rejection is a state of bodyResearch shows that a nervous system that is braced on threat is also fixed on perceiving rejection. You perceive rejection like a ferocious tiger was running toward you. But, instead of fighting the situation you fear, you have learned to avoid people and situations that put you at risk of rejection. You may feel safe in the short-term. But, in the long-term, you are avoiding the exact experiences that you need to reduce your fear and grow in the process (Science Daily, Pain Sensitivity and Social Rejection).

3.Rejection informs you as to what you need to grow. Everything that happens to you is grist for personal development, including rejecting experiences. Perhaps, the toughest and also best learning experiences are those in which needs and desires are frustrated. If everything went your way, you’d have little to make you stop and think about what you really need to learn and grow. What a shallow person you’d be, indeed.

Source:http://www.psychologyineverydaylife.net/2013/03/17/rejection-sensitivity-three-ways-to-toughen-up/

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Focus on What we Have, Not What we Lack

There are times when we will be dissatisfied with our life. This may allow negative thoughts and sadness to develop. The thing is we can not allow those negative thoughts to consume us.

When we are dissatisfied with life, it is usually specific things we are not happy with. Is everything in your life really bad? Think about it? I am pretty sure it is not, but we tend to only put our focus on the bad things. What you should do is try to see the good things that are going on in your life, really look? It is there, you just have to focus your energy away from the bad things, and find the good things. Once you find those things, appreciate and embrace those positive things you do have.

Now lets talk about the things that are not going right. Dwelling on the things that aren’t going right will just lead to depression and sadness. That is not the route you will like to take. The best thing you can do is be proactive, figure out ways to change the things, and situations you don’t like. Also, don’t expect quick results. It may take time to achieve what you want. The important thing is to apply yourself to make that change. Feeling sorry for yourself is easy, but life is about progress, so we must work to improve ourselves.

I truly believe we as humans will never be truly satisfied with our lives. No matter how successful or rich you are. There will always be something that is lacking in our lives. What we have may be something someone else wants, and vice versa. We are all a work in progress, so don’t feel down if everything isn’t how you expect it to be.

Everyone has their struggles. No one has the perfect life. The truth is we will always be lacking in a certain area, so it is best to focus your energy on the things you do have, and the things you can do. Also, you can always work on improving what you are lacking. Not having all the things you want, doesn’t mean your life is bad. It just means you have something to work on.

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Throwing Away Self-Defeating Thoughts

Self-defeating thoughts cultivates feelings of sadness, anxiety, and low self-esteem. It creates a world of pessimism and negativity. When we have these thoughts we see the world in a glass half empty type of way. We say things like, ‘I am not,’ ‘I will not,’ ‘I can’t,’ ‘I will never.’ These type of thoughts are not healthy, and can cause discomfort and unhappiness.

The way we can confront these type of thoughts is to understand why you are having these type of thoughts. These thoughts stem from past experiences. It could have been a failure, or bad experience, and because of that experience you see things in a more negative light. The thing is these thoughts are just our minds catastrophizing a situation. We are viewing things in an irrational way. We are perceiving things far worse than it really is.

We all do this, but there is a way to train your mind to not see the bad in a situation. It is much easier for us to focus on the negative, than to focus on the positive, but we must train our minds to look at things more realistically, and see the positive. This way of thinking can help us live a happier and healthy life.

As I stated, it is important to see the why behind your thoughts. That is the first thing you should do. Then you should challenge those reasoning’s. See if you can find factual arguments for your thoughts. Try to see the situation for what it really is. We make statements like, ‘I am a failure,’ ‘I am ugly,’ ‘I am not smart,’ ‘I will never be able to achieve what I want to achieve,’ ‘my life is miserable,’ etc… So why do you think this way? Are there facts to back up your belief? Once we look at that. You can start reframing your thoughts.

This is when you start looking at things in a different way. ‘I am a failure,’ this statement is quite vague, it would be good to point out exactly what the failure is, and maybe things are not going the way you want to-that doesn’t make you a failure, sometimes things in life are a struggle, but there must be some things that are going right, maybe there is something different you should try. I am sure one is not a complete failure. ‘I am ugly,’ maybe see things as beauty is subjective. There is no objective truth about beauty.

We may have flaws, but that is what makes us unique. Don’t see that in a negative way, but find ways to embrace it. ‘I am not smart,’ well no one is smart at everything. Intelligence varies in different areas. You just have to find what you are best at. Focus your attention on what you are smart at.

You see reframing is about focusing your attention on the reality and positive side of the situation, rather than seeing things negatively. When you are able to do this you can start focusing on taking action to make whatever you want to happen become a reality. You can’t do this when you constantly have these self-defeating thoughts.

These self-defeating thoughts mainly cultivates a self-fulfilling prophesy. If we perceive things in a way, things may go that way, because we tend to act in self-defeating ways. For example, when I was in high school. I didn’t think I was smart, because of those thoughts. I didn’t try hard in school, because I didn’t try hard. I didn’t get good grades. This made me think I wasn’t smart. It is a cycle. This is a self-fulfilling prophesy.

Once I went to college, and actually applied myself. I realized I was smart, and that gave me confidence, which then I graduated with a 3.8 GPA. These type of self-defeating thoughts can really have a negative impact on your life. This is why it is important to reframe your mindset, and then take action. Taking action is a very important step. Nothing you want to achieve can happen without action.

So in summary one must see the why behind your self-defeating thoughts, then challenge those thoughts, then reframe those thoughts, and then take action. When you can do this. You will see an improvement, and much more happiness in your life.

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How to Cope in an Anxious and Depressed World

Stress and Depression are two of the most common mental disorders. They both hinder our ability to live normal lives. Sometimes the two can even occur together. Many people find it difficult to distinguish between the two.

Mild anxiety is quite normal. You may get it before a job interview, a performance, a test, or presentation. Sometimes stress can be good. This is called Eustress. This stress can help you with motivation and performance. It keeps you sharp. But stress has a limit, and if it goes over that limit it can hinder your ability to do things. This is when one experiences anxiety. Anxiety is a persistent, exaggerated fear of a situation or event. This can interfere with your daily routine.

Depression usually occurs from loss, or hopelessness. Hope and seeing the brighter side of things keeps us going, but if one losses those thoughts it can lead to low moods and persistent sadness. Depression is known to occur in more women than men. Men tend to show more anger and frustration, while women show more worthlessness and guilt. Children and teenagers also experience depression. Children may become depressed due to separation from parents when they start school, or fear of parents dying. This may manifest as school refusal. Depressed teenagers can become sulky, irritable, and get in trouble in school.

Anxiety focuses more on future events, while Depression tends to stem from past events. They are both disabling disorders, as all disorders are. This is why Mindfulness and having a positive mindset is important. I do believe these two things can help reduce these two disorder from recurring. Having this mindset has reduced my anxiety, and my depression is close to non-existent. Although, a recent loss made me a bit sad, and I did have lots of negative thoughts. I was able to overcome the sadness in a couple of days. Depression tends to occur when one has persistent low moods for more than two weeks. Now you may still get anxious and depressed. These things are unavoidable, but these approaches can help you cope with a troubling situation better. And as I mentioned, it can decrease the likelihood of getting anxious or depressed. Just use everyday to try to mindfully see what you are doing, try to mindfully listen to what you hear, including music you listen to, try to mindfully see what is around you. When I say mindfully, it mean awareness of the moment you are in without judgment, no negative or positive thoughts. Just see the moment as it is. Also, go into everyday with a positive mindset. Even one positive thought can do wonders. You got to start somewhere. I think these things can help calm your mind and cultivate happiness and peace in an unpredictable and unstable world we live in.

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Bring Positive Thoughts Back to Your Life

As I spent two days in sadness. My mind was filled with negative thoughts. I couldn’t get out of this negative state of mind. This is how one feels when they are sad or depressed. It is worse when one is depressed. It is hard to break a way from those negative thoughts. I couldn’t even think of anything to write on here, even though I wanted to make a motivational post. I just couldn’t think of anything positive or motivational to write. I was stuck.

I decided to listen to music, since that always helps me. I kept listening to sad music at first, but then I decided I would try inspirational music.  I am happy I did that, because listening to inspirational music made me see the brighter side of things. It made me see there is hope, and there is positive things in the world. I was focusing too much on the dark side of depression, but there are also stories of people who have overcame depression and are stronger.

Mental illness is a struggle, but it can be overcome. We are not as weak as we think. We can be pretty damn strong. Not everyone can win the battle, but when we can, it is a beautiful feeling. You learn so much about yourself when you can. You just have to find that one thing that can break you out of that negative mindset. I think inspirational songs and stories can be helpful. Maybe try reading stories of people who overcame depression. Other things like hanging out with friends, exercising, mindfulness, talking to an empathetic person, doing activities you enjoy, going out in nature, writing,  reading, keeping busy, can all be helpful.

I would also recommend staying away from social media, or the internet. Take time to focus on yourself. There can be a lot of triggers on there. I felt so much better staying away from the social media sites I regularly visit. It just gave me a sense of peace not having those reminders. Just stay away from anything online that triggers your sadness.

I know it is hard to break away from the negativity when depression or sadness hits, but the feeling of despair is not something you want to consume and permeate your life. Push yourself to see the light. Find that something that can push you to see the light. I found music, but we are all different. Just find that one thing that can bring you hope and positive thoughts. It is there. You just have to find it. Don’t give in to a void of hopelessness, despair, and negativity.

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Focus Your Mind on the Positive

Focus your mind on the positive things in your life, rather than the negative. Let the positive outweigh the negative. There will always be things that stress us out in life, but there also things that makes us happy. Try to focus on the things that makes you happy. Don’t allow that negative mindset to bring you down. At this moment I have a school loan that I can not pay off at the moment. I also do not have my own car, and have to save up for one, which is hard with the little pay I get. I am also trying to look for a better paying job, and all the Case Management jobs I would like to apply for have lots of applicants where it will be difficult to get a job. They also require me to have a reliable car, which I don’t have. Now I can focus my energy on these distressing situations, and stress myself out, and become depressed, or I can focus on all the things that make me happy-writing this blog, hanging out with friends, viewing nature, meditating, reflecting, reading books, watching videos of my favorite K-Pop groups. Now think about what makes you happy, and put your energy towards that.

We can also try to appreciate the things we do have, instead of focusing on what we don’t have. Try to write, or think about all the things you do have. The problem is we focus too much on the negative, and not enough on the positive. I am sure everyone who is reading this is struggling with something right now, but try to take the time to be mindful-live in the moment-and try to look at things with a positive mindset. Focus your energy on the things that make bring you happiness. You have the choice to see the good, or the bad. What will you choose? It is all up to you.

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Positive Mindset

Having a positive outlook on life is a beautiful thing. It helps one cope with things in life, and allows oneself to live life to their full potential. Having negative self-talk, and being pessimistic hinders your potential.  Negative thoughts come from a place of no control. If your thoughts are towards negativity. You think the situation is out of your control. And that is furthest from the truth, because you do have control. You have the power! Whatever situation that causes distress try to look at the positive of the situation. Even in your everyday daily activities. Having a positive mindset takes work and patience, but you don’t want negative thoughts pervading your life. Negative thoughts about life, turns to negative thoughts about oneself, and leads to negativity towards others. It is a toxic mentality. The neurons in our brains will strengthen with negativity to where negativity pervades our thoughts and way of life. A pessimistic outlook can lead to depression, anxiety, and difficulty coping with life struggles. It could effect you physically as well. Now, I am not saying be happy about things in life that causes discomfort. I understand, it is unsettling. We all go through it, but it would be helpful to try to make an effort to see the positive in that situation. I think it will benefit you greatly. You can see things much more clearly when you have a positive mindset, and you can get things done much easier with a positive mindset. There was an interesting article I read in the Huffington Post The Science of Positive Thinking: How Positive Thoughts Build Your Skills, Boost Your Health, and Improve Your Work. In this article they talk about a study by Barbara Fredrikson. In the study people were put into different groups, some with positive emotions, others with neutral emotions, and other groups with negative emotions. The results showed that the group with positive emotions wrote down more responses to different situations than the neutral and negative group. The negative emotions group also had the fewest responses. This study showed that positive emotions open people up to lots of options. Negativity closes you off to any solutions, or ideas, because there is a sense of no control. With that negative mindset you will most likely not get anything done, there will be no action. And as I said before, if there is no action, nothing will be achieved in life. You can’t achieve your goals with that mindset. Instead of I can’t, say I can! Instead of it won’t happen, say it will happen! The laws of attraction, if you believe in something, it will happen. So allow those positive thoughts to lead to positive results in your life. Yeah, it is hard to believe that a positive thought can lead to results. It isn’t just the thought. That is where it starts. If you really believe in something, you will take action, and that is where the results come from. You can start with little positive thoughts each day. Start your day with a positive thought. You can say it will be a great day, or it is nice out, my breakfast is delicious, or I look great today. Just find some positive in your day. Believe me you can find it, you just have to look. We all have those days when something bad happens and we say we will have a bad day and guess what?, we have a bad day. That is because that negative mindset pervaded our thoughts and mind, and gave us the perception of a bad day, but you can switch that around to a more positive mindset. Small bits of positive thoughts can cultivate more positive neurons, so that they can one day override those negative neurons, so that positive thoughts are permeating our lives. We can rewire our brain to be more positive. A positive mindset promotes creativity. It can reduce stress and depression. It can lead to a healthier immune system. You can live longer. I believe it can help you see yourself in a more positive light as well, because a positive mindset can showcase your best qualities, and bring them to light. Aren’t these wonderful benefits? And it helps you to live healthier and become happier. I admit I struggle sometimes with the positive mindset, and we all will, but we must push ourselves to see the brighter side of things, because in the end, it only benefits us, and anything that makes our lives easier and better is worth trying. It is easy to let everything fall on us, and have the mentality that the sky is falling, but it takes strength to see things at it is, and look at the sunshine. Lets show our strength and look on the bright side.

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