Keys to Building Self-Esteem

When it comes to self-esteem balance is important. Too much or too little can can affect your relationships, your sense of self, your sense of reality, mental state. It is important to have a realistic view of oneself. Learning to appreciate the positive, and accepting the negatives, but not allowing the negatives to define you. Too high of a self-esteem only looks at the positives of oneself, to a point of exaggerating them. Vice versa for a lower self-esteem, having an exaggerated negative viewpoint of oneself, only focusing on the negative parts of oneself.

What is it?

In psychology, the term self-esteem is used to describe a person’s overall sense of self-worth or personal value. In other words, how much you appreciate and like yourself. It involves a variety of beliefs about yourself, such as the appraisal of your own appearance, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors(verywellmind).

Why is it important?

We need a good amount of self-esteem to help us reach our goals. To motivate us. To have the confidence to achieve the things we want to achieve. It helps build you for success. It allows you to be more open, honest, and assertive. It gives you freedom to be who are, no apologies. You learn to focus on your priorities and happiness, rather than on every one else’s.

I would like to discuss a couple of keys that can help build your confidence. These keys listed are from the lovely Julia Kristina. I really enjoy watching her videos, and I love her ideas. I will list the keys, and put my take on these keys.

  • Live mindfully-Being present is always the first step to self-growth and improvement. When you are present. You become aware. Being aware can help you recognize negative self-talk. It can allows you to reason and ask questions. Is this logical? Are these thoughts facts? Are these thoughts true? Would I say these things to a friend who was feeling down? Awareness can help us ask questions, learning to challenge these thoughts, reframe, and look at things more positively and realistically leading one to feel better about themselves.
  • Self-acceptance– A topic I discuss a lot, and the reason is because it is important to have this to live a more fulfilling, happier, and peaceful life. This is all about putting your focus on the positive aspects of oneself, using it to your advantage, and learning to acknowledge the negatives, either learning to grow from them, or accepting them as part of who you are. Acknowledging that no one is perfect and that is okay.
  • Taking responsibility-Learning you have control of what you want to do in life. We are responsible for our actions, our healing, how we cope, our achievements, our goals. No one can achieve your goals for you. No one can heal, or cope for you. No one can make you a happier individual. These are things you got to work for yourself. Giving yourself the opportunity to do things for oneself builds confidence, character, strength etc,. You learn what you are capable of, rather then leaning on others all the time. You can’t grow from that. If you don’t know your capabilities from taking responsibility. You can’t build a healthy self-esteem for oneself. Life situations and other people are out of your control, but your goals, achievements, actions, mindset, coping strategies, and success is up to you.
  • Self-assertiveness-Learning not to be afraid of saying what is on your mind, even if it may hurt others, or embarrass oneself. You as an individual has a voice too, and it should be heard. Now we shouldn’t be hurtful or harmful towards others, the intent shouldn’t be malicious, but if you need to voice an opinion, and get yourself heard, then you should speak up. It could upset someone, but if you speak with kindness and not in an aggressive manner. They may learn to understand your viewpoint. Remember, your voice matters too. Your thoughts matter too. No one is above another person. We all have a right to voice our thoughts and opinions.
  • Living a life of value-What brings you joy? What bring you happiness? What brings meaning to your life? What gives you purpose? What adds value to your life? What can help you evolve as a person? The answer to these questions are important for your well-being and life fulfillment. This also helps build a nice self-esteem. I feel good about myself when I take care of my plants. I feel good about myself when I write these blog posts. I feel good about myself when I had a nice productive, mindful day. I feel good when I practice yoga or meditation, when I listen to soothing sounds. All the things that make you feel good about yourself, that add value, do them! All of these things can help you to think better of yourself.
  • Living with integrity-Learning to live life the best way you can. All you can do is try. Trying to live as honest as you can. Working towards improving your life to bring happiness, wellness and peace to your life. Having a honest relationship with oneself is important. You can’t have a healthy relationship with someone who lies to you, so you can’t have one with yourself if you do so as well. Be as honest and as real as you can be. The freedom of it will set you free. This can teach you to love and appreciate oneself, and help boost one’s esteem.

These last two I came up on my own, while I was doing this research. I felt they should be added.

  • Learning to create more positive self-talk-Being able to build yourself up is so important for your self-esteem. Saying more positive things about yourself. We are so quick to put ourselves down, which leads to lower self-self-esteem and confidence. We got to learn to say more kind things to ourselves. It is easier for us to build others up when they are down, but then neglect ourselves. Try saying more kind things to oneself.
  • Find your strengths-Put your energy on your strengths, and utilize them. Recognizing and appreciating your strengths is a great esteem booster. You may have flaws, but learn to allow your strengths to shine brighter.
  • Focus on self-Giving yourself space to be alone. To become aware of your thoughts and feelings. Learning to have a better understanding of who you are is important to building your self-esteem. If you learn to be content with yourself. You learn to appreciate oneself.

I also wanted to add some signs of a healthy self-esteem I found on a Psychology Today article. I thought it would be helpful to add. Here they are.

  • Knows the difference between confidence and arrogance
  • Is not afraid of feedback
  • Does not people-please or seek approval
  • Is not afraid of conflict
  • Is able to set boundaries
  • Is able to voice needs and opinions
  • Is assertive, but not pushy
  • Is not a slave to perfection
  • Is not afraid of setbacks
  • Does not fear failure
  • Does not feel inferior
  • Accepts who they are

The list is pretty similar to the keys above. It shows how these keys are important to build a healthy self-esteem. Having a healthy self-esteem is important to living a successful and fulfilling life. Having peace with yourself is key to living the life you want.

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/self-esteem

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-self-esteem-2795868

Random Post(Reframing My Mindset)

Hello my lovely followers<333 I wanted to post something that happened to me last night that is relevant to what I blog about. I thought it would be something interesting to share, and helpful to share as well.

Last night I was having my mindful time. I was journaling, letting my thoughts out. I began thinking about my frustration and anger about having to go to work tomorrow. I was upset that work will be overwhelming, that I will have to work an area I don’t enjoy doing, but needs to be done, since no one else wants to do it. I also thought about how we get work near the end of our shift, making us work 12 hours. I was upset thinking about why we didn’t get work earlier, and how we have no work earlier, but get it at the end of the day. I was growing frustrated how disorganized the place can be. The cycle of negativity just kept spiraling and could keep going. I felt frustrated, tense, annoyed and angry. The thing with negativity, you find one thing, and then keep finding another thing after the other. You continue to dig deeper into the negativity hole.

I then realized what was happening and asked myself, what is this doing? Is this really helping me in any way? I didn’t want to keep spiraling into negativity, so I decided to switch things up, and look at the pros, the joys, the positives, and things I am grateful for in life. I thought about the fun plans I made with friends the next two weekends. That is something joyful to look forward to. I thought about all the lovely gifts I was able to buy this year, due to getting a better paying job. I absolutely love buying gifts!, so this is exciting for me. I also appreciate that this job gave me more financial security. I also realized that a part of me did want to get back to work, because of the movement and exercise I get from it. I also like routine and keeping busy, so getting back to work is important. After, looking at more of the pros. I started feeling more at ease and at peace.

The point of this post is being able to become aware of your thoughts, and where they are taking you is very important to understand, so that you can get to a better place mentally. The ability to reframe your thoughts to a more positive mindset is a skill that will be useful to bring you to a happier and more peaceful place.

Many people are overwhelmed with work. Many people are overworked. Many people deal with BS at work. I am not special. This awareness was kind of humbling. All this realization put me in a place of peace and calm. It has made the transition back to work much more easier. You don’t always have control of your thoughts that come to you, but you can always become aware, reframe and challenge them. It is not completely out of your control. I am now in a better place this morning, and ready to start the work week. I hope you all have a lovely week. Much love, peace and mindfulness.

Letting Emotions Out

We are taught to embrace and express “positive” emotions, but told to repress the “negative” emotions. This mindset isn’t necessarily healthy for us to do so. All of our emotions should be expressed and accepted, even appreciated. I know that may sound strange, but things can be learned from “negative” emotions. One can learn to evolve and grow from these emotions. It is important to let out these “negative” emotions, so that we don’t allow them to fester and permeate our minds and lives. It won’t help to keep them in, to use drugs, alcohol, food, or other unhealthy habits to repress them. Bottling in emotions can lead to lower level of well-being and makes one less likely to achieve goals.

I put quotations for positive and negative emotions, because emotions are not necessarily good or bad. It is how we perceive them. Emotions just are. They are there to tell us something. They are there to guide us. We tend to see the more difficult/uncomfortable ones as bad/negative, and see the more comfortable/uplifting ones as positive/good emotions. Difficult emotions tend to make us feel worse about ourselves and our lives. Uplifting emotions tend to make us feel better. It makes sense, we as humans like categorizing things to make things simple, but I like you to be aware that emotions in itself are not good or bad.

With practicing mindfulness, you learn to feel, understand and accept all emotions. You learn is okay to feel these emotions “good” or “bad.”. You may even see the beauty in it. Emotions is what makes us human. It shows that we are caring. If you don’t feel any of these, than that may be something to be concerned about. So what are some ways to express and let out these emotions?

  • Cry-Sometimes you just got to let out a good cry.
  • Take deep breaths-This is always a helpful strategy to help calm and sooth an individual.
  • Vent to others-Let others know what you are feeling. It always feels good to let out what you are thinking, having others listen, and getting some empathy from others.
  • Journal-Sometimes you don’t want to vent to others, or have no one to vent to. This is also a good way to let your thoughts and feelings out. Just getting your thoughts out on paper can be therapeutic.
  • Exercise-Can help reduce stress, helps increase brain health, thinking and memory. Increases levels of endorphins, dopamine and serotonin(feel good neurotransmitters and hormones). It also gives you a nice sense of accomplishment and makes you feel good about oneself.
  • Get creative-Fuel that energy into something creative can be helpful and can help you create something beautiful.
  • Listen to comforting music-It can be uplifting music that can help you get into a happier place, or sad songs that help comfort you, knowing others have gone through the same thing.

Another important reason why we should express our emotions.

  • You won’t be able to enjoy happiness and joy: You won’t be able to appreciate the good times as much. Feeling joy, happiness, excitement, accomplishment, appreciation are wonderful feelings to have, but if you try to repress the more difficult emotions. It will be just as hard to express the more uplifting ones as well.
  • Fighting emotions leads to more suffering: The more you fight it, the harder it will be to move one. The more you repress it with something else, the longer it will stay with you. Facing it is the best to heal.
  • It doesn’t allow you to live life fully: Feeling emotions makes us human. It allows us to experience life. It pushes us to evolve and grow. It shows us we are caring and compassionate individuals. It shows us we want to improve and become better individuals. It keeps us alert. It keeps us moving. We need emotions to live.

We don’t want emotions to be expressed in a harmful, hurtful way, or become persistent. The point is to feel the emotions, cope in a healthy way and move forward. You don’t want to ruminate over the emotions for a long period of time, but you also don’t want to skim pass and repress them. There needs to a balance. Allow yourself to feel the emotion, but recognize that the show must go on eventually, express it in a healthy manner, and this should allow you to move on from it.

Mindful Reminder(Taking the Small Steps)

I just bought this book to remind myself if a task is too daunting, or overwhelming. It is best to take small steps to reach your end goal. There are times when I am not motivated to do something I want to do, like working on a blog post, or answering the questions to my online course tests. When I lack the motivation, I decide to just do a bit at a time, rather than write a post in one shot. I space it out in a couple of days, writing a bit each day, and for my online course questions, I answer a couple of questions each day, instead of doing it all at once. This helps a lot. So by the end of the week it is done. I am able to accomplish my goal without overwhelming myself in the process. It is better to get a bit done at a time, rather than doing nothing. You still get that rewarding feeling of getting something done, rather than nothing.

As long as you take the steps, no matter how small you will eventually get there. It isn’t all or nothing. So remember if a tasks seems too much, or you lack motivation. Just take it small and easy. You want to try to make a task as manageable as possible, so you are able to achieve what you want to achieve. If you do this, you will get there with a much calmer mind. Lesson the stress load, it doesn’t have to be done in one day. I recommend this book if you struggle with getting things done and feel overwhelmed. Small steps is key and very powerful. Getting things done as quickly as possible is nice, but often leads to more stress and things not being done as efficiently.

Ways to Gain Mental Strength Part 2

I would like to continue my conversation on mental strength from my last post Ways to Gain Mental Strength. I stated that I will make another post on some other ways I have found online and through my own experience. As I mentioned, there are plenty of ways to gain mental strength. I will discuss a couple more habits that can be helpful. Through experience and practice you can learn to develop more of these habits to build on your mental strength and health.

  • Write positive aspects of every challenge-I really liked this one when I saw it. We tend to put more focus on the negative, but there could be a lesson learned, a better opportunity, a new way to learn, or maybe it can help you inspire others, and create a new path for you. There can be something there if you look for it, and change your perspective.
  • Practice 30 minutes of self-careGive yourself space to pamper yourself. To make yourself feel good. Remember, you can’t be your best to others, if you don’t treat yourself right first.
  • Say nice things to yourself-This may seem ridiculous or embarrassing to do, but starting with saying nice things to yourself, even small things, can help build self-kindness and compassion, to eventually love and confidence.
  • Practice more gratitude and less complaining-I mentioned many times that complaining solves nothing, and creates more negativity. Working on being more grateful can do wonders. I try my best to focus my energy on the good things in my life when I find myself getting into a negative space. It has helped my mental health vastly.
  • Accept adversity and challenges-It is important to recognize that challenges will arise. Being able to overcome obstacles and keep moving takes strength. It is tough, but you’ll get through it. This is something you want to remind yourself. This is all part of life experiences.
  • Learn to be alone-Some like more alone time, than others. There are some who really need to be around others, but we all need space from time to time. It doesn’t have to be a long period, but you got to allow yourself to think and feel for yourself. Giving yourself that space leads to more self understanding and awareness. Self soothing and reflection are very important, no one can truly help you, but yourself. Getting to know yourself better leads to a better mindset.
  • Practice self love-Once a person is able to love themselves. It is very hard to break that person down and deter them. They know who they are. They know what they want. They stand strong, and go after what can give them a better life.
  • Getting power over your emotions-Okay, you can’t control your emotions, but the power is how you handle them. Allow yourself to feel it. Give yourself space to let it out in a healthy way. Understand it is part of being human. Push through. Figure out ways to move forward, whatever way works best for you. Just try not to let the emotions consume you.
  • Seeing the other side-Having the ability to empathize and seeing others perspective helps build a stronger mindset.
  • Eat healthierStudies and research has shown that an unhealthy diet can lead to higher rates of low moods, depression and anxiety. Feeding your body with the right nutrients can help build mental strength and clarity.
  • Meditate-This cultivates inner peace, mental sharpness and clarity. When your mind is clear. There is much potential.
  • Be mindful-Practicing mindfulness had definitely played a part in being more mentally strong as an individual. Once you start being mindful, all of the other things above start to come into play. For me, it starts at learning to be present.

I can list many other things that can help one to become a mentally strong individual. There is a plethora of habits and practices out there. There are plenty of practices, but sometimes difficult for people to put into practice. It is all about awareness of where you are right now, and what can be done to improve your mindset, situation and circumstances.

A Different Type Of Holidays

As the covid cases continue to rise. It seems like the holidays will be a bit lonelier this year. My family has made the decision to cancel are Thanksgiving celebration. This is my favorite time of year to get with the family, eat some delicious foods. My favorites are my Aunt’s lasagna. I also enjoy some coquito, but our safety comes first.

I was a bit disappointed that I won’t be celebrating Thanksgiving with the family. I most likely won’t be for Christmas, or going anywhere for New Years as well, since I expect things will still be bad. I am sure many of you are in the same boat.

Although, it is a bit disappointing and disheartening. We got to do our best to keep our spirits up. I am now starting to get in the Christmas spirit. I usually wait, until after Thanksgiving, but since that day will just be a regular day for me. I am ready for the Christmas spirit. How I just love the ornaments, lights, music, and feel of Christmas, also the cookies and mint chocolates! You may not be able to spend time with loved ones, but there are still plenty of things to cheer about.

We must remember that safety is most important, and that you can always call, text, or video call your loved ones. Also, you don’t have to worry about the hassle of cooking a big meal, or traveling, so that can be a plus. The holidays will be different, but it doesn’t mean it has to be bad. Making the best out of it, and looking at the positives is important.

Life is always changing. Things don’t always stay the same. We got to learn to take on every challenge that comes our way, and do what it takes to make it work for us. How can you benefit from it? What are the positives? Learn, accept and keep moving. Do whatever you can to bring as much peace and happiness in your life. Things may seem bad, but it is in how you perceive it. Please stay safe out there everyone.

Take A Step Back to be Mindful

The past couple days have been a bit stressful. I have been glued to the screen, seen a bit too much negativity, but I also did see hope for a better tomorrow. I thought today will be a nice day to take a break from it, and get back to being more mindful. It has been really nice these days, so I took the opportunity to step outside for some fresh air, and view the beautiful scenery around me. This walk, along with doing a bit of running, yoga, and some journaling helped put me in a better place mentally and physically.

There will be times when you step away from mindfulness practices, but you can always step back, and reclaim your peace of mind. Journal to get your thoughts out, and confront them. Take a walk outside to get fresh air, and see the beauty of this world. Exercise to get some movement, and strengthen your body, and to increase our feel-good hormones(dopamine, serotonin, endorphins). Practice yoga to stretch and relax the body & mind. Meditate to calm the mind and gain clarity. Work on your goals, and be productive to gain a sense of accomplishment.

If you are feeling a bit stressed or down. Just remember that a bit of mindfulness can help bring you back to a better place mentally and physically. You may fall off track, but it will always be there when you need it. Giving yourself space to be present, and giving yourself space to focus on you is truly important, and something we should remember to do. I allowed too many of others opinions to consume my mind. Time to give my thoughts a time to shine. Always remember to look within yourself.

Mindset Phases

We will go through phases in our life journey. We will have phases of motivation, creativity and productivity. We will also have phases of laziness, unproductivity, lack of motivation, or creativity. We can’t be on at all times. It is okay to have lazy days. Don’t beat yourself up over it. I can get caught up in mindless activities from time to time, and not be as mindful as I usually can be. That is okay. As long as you always find your way back. Even during those times, you can always try to find a bit of time for mindfulness, or take baby actions towards some type of productive work, so you don’t feel completely unaccomplished, or lazy.

Just remember that these phases will always happen, and there is nothing wrong with some lazy time. That time is just preparing you for some more creativity. It is giving you the rest to become more productive in the future. Phases are all art of the human experience. Learn to ride along with it, rather than fight against it. You will eventually get back on track. Accept all that comes your way. Learn from the low phases. Give yourself a rest. Enjoy some mindless activities. This will give you the energy to get back on track to the high phases.

Finding Joy & Peace

Whatever can spark joy and happiness in your life, however small it is, look for ways to implement them into your daily life. I think it is important to find joy and peace in life however way you possibly can.

As I mention in other posts, work has been a struggle lately. I am exhausted, tired and overwhelmed from work. I don’t always look forward to going, or look forward to the work day weeks. I also don’t want these feelings about work to spill into my everyday life, the times I am away from work. I don’t want negative thoughts and feelings to pervade my life, so I try to find ways to bring some enjoyment to my life.

One thing I enjoy is drinking a cup of Dunkin coffee before work. Coffee gives me energy. It also puts me in a better mood. This helps get me through the work day, and actually makes me look forward to Mondays and Fridays(those are the days I get coffee). It is a nice little treat before work. Any little thing that can bring happiness is all that matters.

I also have been into buying plants. I truly enjoy having them around my room. Just looking at them, brings me joy. I usually go to a plant nursery on Saturdays to pick new ones out. I really enjoy just looking around seeing all the pretty plants around me, and picking the ones that I like. I truly enjoy being surrounded by plants at home. Coming home after an exhausting day to my lovely plants is something that brings life back to me.

One thing that helps keep me at peace is doing meditation before going to work. I try to do a session to calm my mind and body, before I head into the craziness of work. It definitely helps calm me down more. It helps me handle the stressors of work much better. I still get stressed, but not as stressed if I didn’t meditate. It also puts me in a more positive, happier mood going into work. As I mention in my last post, I also try to take deep breaths whenever I feel overwhelmed as well. This also helps.

Some things in life can be stressful and difficult, but not everything in life is that way. There will be times of joy and peace that you can embrace and enjoy when it arrives. It is all about making the time to do so. Be in the moment. We allow our minds to be preoccupied with the bad parts of our lives. We forget to take time to enjoy the good moments.

I work majority of the time. We spend most of our time at work. I get how being at a job you don’t enjoy can be a bummer, but we can’t allow our feelings towards work, or any difficult part in our lives pervade our mind into a negative place. Now I actually don’t dislike my job. It just gets overwhelming. All jobs have stressful parts to it. If you don’t enjoy your work, than it may be time to get out of your comfort zone, and look else where, because as I mentioned, your job makes up most of your life. It can be hard to enjoy life, if you don’t enjoy what you do.

We should try to strive to find joy and peace in life when we can. It is important for our mental health and well-being. It can be something little, something big, or in between. Just find something that can lift you up, and help keep you in the moment. To appreciate and embrace the joys and peaceful moments in life.

Years go by fast, months go by fast, weeks go by fast, and so do days. We are already near the new year. We try to rush by the days(I do this as well), but maybe we can use everyday to find some joy and peace in it. Maybe we can learn from the difficulties of that day as well. We should learn to embrace each day, and take the moments of that day in as much as we can, because sooner, rather than later, the years will have passed by and you truly haven’t lived, or enjoyed life as much as you wanted. Be mindful of the moments in life. Enjoy, find peace, and live as fully as you can.

Mindful Reminder(Dealing With Bad Moments)

I read this yesterday in my mindfulness book. This passage really resonated with me. Work has been frustrating, exhausting, and annoying these past couple day. It is very easy for me to fall into a negative state.

With practicing mindfulness, I have been able to be aware of my emotions, thoughts, feelings and actions in the moment. I realized these feelings of annoyance and frustration will pass. The day will eventually end, and I will feel better. I decided to take deep breaths every once in awhile. I also took breaks, and told myself to take things step by step, and not do too much. I accepted that the work day will suck. Some moments suck in life. There is no perfection in life. You will get good and bad moments, and moments in between.

All of this really helped me stay grounded and sane. I still felt annoyed, but I did my best to stay as calm and relaxed as I can. I did my best not to take my anger out on others(I did have a bit of an attitude, it happens, I am human, I am not perfect), because these feelings are mine, and it is not anyone else’s fault. I will still able to engage and laugh with my coworkers as much as I could, which I probably wouldn’t have been able to do before.

I realize negative emotions will arise every once in awhile. I can’t stop that. We can’t control our feelings. I do realize we can control how we deal with it. It was a tough day. It sucked. There will be bad days. We just got to try our best to manage those bad days in a calmer and more mindful manner. Just remember it will pass. It is okay to give in to emotions. Just be mindful, take deep breaths, take breaks, and be conscious of your actions.

Doing all this can help reduce the amount of negative emotions one feels at the moment. You can go from being very annoyed and lashing out on others, to just annoyed and coping with it, to just slightly annoyed with a bit of mindful practice. But also, don’t beat yourself up if you give in to these emotions and lash out. You are human. Be kind to yourself, but also remember to be kind to others. Just continue to work on improving how you cope with negative emotions and bad moments in life.