Dealing With Victim Mentality

This mindset holds the belief that the world, and others are against you. That one cannot change anything, so the individual does not bother to try. It creates helplessness. It creates dependency. They put the blame on others, and the world for their misfortune. One can be a victim, but one should try to eventually move forward, rather than stay stuck in the past. This mindset can leave you stuck in self-pity and blaming others, rather than searching from within to find solutions to help you improve your situation. I am not talking about victims of traumatic experiences, but rather people who make themselves victims in times of struggle.

Victim mentality keeps you a prisoner in a state of helplessness, paranoia, frustration, depression and misery, to name a few. The blame is on others, which makes it easier for the individual to sit back and do nothing. Although, others can be at fault. It isn’t helpful to put all your energy on blaming and hating others, and the world. You can’t control life situations, and you can’t control others. How exactly can that help you?

What we can use that energy on is making changes on an individual level. Focus on changing our thoughts, feelings, and actions towards the situation. Everyone will be wronged in life. Unfair crap will happen to everyone. We will all have a shot at a bad experience. No one is exempt. You can trap yourself in why me’s?, but honestly why not you? I can guarantee when you have a bad day, so our many others. The best way to cope is to accept the situation, learn, grow, and move forward. Each day will get better.

Just remember that you may perceive life as horrible, but in reality it is not all bad. Even through our struggles, there is also good in our lives. You may lose a job, but you still have a supportive family to help you out. Your car may break down, but you still got a roof over your head. You may break up with a partner, but you still have loving family and friends to lean on and talk to. We tend to blow up the negative, and downplay the positives.

It is normal to feel this way when something bad happens, and that is okay, but there is a point when you got to stop playing victim, and figure out way to move forward, and grow on a personal level. You become stagnant when you focus your energy on changing others. It is easier to put the blame on others. It takes pressure of us. You can’t make the world magically fit into what you would like. This attitude doesn’t make you feel better. It just makes you bitter, unproductive and miserable.

People will crap on you sometimes. People will do things that you perceive as hurtful and wrong. You may also do things that hurt others. Life isn’t black and white. There are more sides to the story, than your own. Bad things happen to good people, because bad things happen to everyone. Life is a lesson. Don’t focus your energy on being the victim. Focus on being a fighter instead. Having victim mentality takes away our accountability. It takes away our freedom of choice. It takes away our control to change.

I like to end things with a quote that fits well with this topic. I am really enjoying this book Radical Awakening by Dr.Shefali. She has such insight, and knowledge to become a truly awakened and authentic individual. I recommend picking this one up.

“When we realize that both the problem and the solution lie in ourselves, the process of change begins…Without this, even if the other person changes, we render ourselves beholden to their change. When we see ourselves as our own enslaver, we create a path towards liberation…When we release all external tethers, we unbridle our inner power and free ourselves to be unapologetically autonomous.” Dr.Shefali(Radical Awakening)

The Good and Bad

The world is full of good and bad moments. Good and bad people. Good and bad events. Wins and losses. Life and death. There is no black and white. All or nothing. The world has a balance. We can choose to focus on the positives or negatives. It is all in our hands, or minds. The world can be tumultuous, and it can be peaceful. It depends on the experience you are having at the moment. A bad day for you, can be a great day for another, and vice versa. The world can suck, but it can also be a wonderful place. There is beauty, and there is ugly.

I just wanted to put a reminder out there that life has its ups and downs. Its lows and highs. We may think all is bad or good, but in reality it is a mixture of both. Life isn’t a smooth, peaceful ride. As there is day and night. There is always light and darkness. It may be hard to see light in a cloud of darkness, but it is there. And although, it is wonderful to be bright, accept that darkness will come into your life. Be appreciative of the peaceful times, and accept the difficult times. Both experiences can be learned from. A bad experience, or horrific event can push you to only see the negative, but remember that light surrounds you. Hopefully it can seep into your life sooner, rather than later. Good and bad are all around us, which one would you rather focus on?

Quotes about Bad experience (129 quotes)

Give Yourself Space

Give yourself space and time to get away from the information overload or the distractions of the world. I sit here viewing the scenery of my plants in my room. I am listening to the sounds of the rain playing, and the thunder outdoors. I am looking at the grey clouds outdoors. It is quite nice to just sit and breathe. Giving my thoughts the air to breathe. I find this very relaxing and therapeutic.

I enjoy writing my thoughts on paper and meditating as well. Tending to my plants can also give me the space to be in the moment, and let my mind be at peace. It is important not to get stuck in distractions and a busy lifestyle. Take time to be still, and be in the moment. Enjoying the scenery and sounds around you. Allowing your thoughts, and emotions to flow through you, and be heard and understood. Take care of yourself, and everything will fall into place.

Give yourself the space to understand oneself, and deal with emotions you may have. It isn’t easy to sit still, believe me I find it difficult, but a little discomfort is good for us. We should always try to get out of our comfort zone every once in awhile. Take on the challenge. It can only help us build into a stronger individual. Strive to take care of yourself, be appreciative, and be mindful.

Give yourself space to enjoy the beauty of the outdoors and nature as well. I wanted to post this beautiful shot of my favorite place to walk and be at peace.

Live With Discomfort

Although, we like comfort. It is important to learn to embrace discomfort. Use discomfort as a tool to learn and grow. Life would be boring if we didn’t have challenges and room to grow. Life involves changes. Sticking to the same routine cultivates stagnation. Go with the flow of life. Ride the waves. Let the storms come and go. Allow the sun to shine. I admit the anxious feeling isn’t enjoyable, but I do learn to embrace the feeling, because I know the experience will be beneficial to my growth. Living isn’t comfort. Creativity doesn’t come from comfort. There are things in life we will not enjoy. Discomfort is one of them. It does not mean it isn’t necessary in our lives. Pity, blame, anger, frustration, or sadness won’t help you. Accept what is, and this can help you move forward and learn. Attaching yourself to a perfect and comfortable life will lead you to pain and misery. Just remember, we all been through some crap, but we have gotten through it, and we will get through it again.

Oscillation of Mindfulness & Distractions

The continuous cycle, the back and forth. I catch myself entangled in the digital world once again. My bouts of mindfulness and distractions swing from one end to the other. Not much of inspiration or motivation going on at one moment, than the next I get back to immersing myself in my thoughts, meditate, and looking for inspiration and gaining knowledge. It is interesting. but not all that surprising. My mind needs rest, get distracted. My mind needs more fulfilling stimulation, lets get back to mindfulness. I don’t want to guilt myself for not being as mindful, as sharp, or as creative as I could be. I know I won’t be on my A game at all times. I won’t have the will to write all the times. I don’t always want to be mindful. I like distractions from time to time. It gives me the break I need. I know eventually I will get back on track. I always do. The road towards your goals and self-growth isn’t linear. There is some back and forth going on there. You get off the road, but you will get back on it. Getting back to it is what matters. I am now getting some of my juice back, after a week, or so. I continue to practice self-kindness and compassion when I catch myself moving towards distractions. It happens. I am human. Just enjoy, and you will get back to where you need to be. Remember, these distractions should not create harm to your mental health. It should help relax you. It should be enjoyable. If it does, please try to distance oneself, and look for more enjoyable distractions. I will end this here. I just wanted to put it out there that it isn’t easy being mindful all the times, and that it isn’t wrong to find distractions to help stimulate your mind at times. Balance is key.

What Brings Me Happiness

We should all figure out the things that spark happiness in our lives. I learned what truly sparks my happiness when I had to spend a weekend alone indoors at home. I couldn’t go out, or meet up with friends, which made me feel down and lonely. It showed me that being outdoors and connecting with friends are two things that spark my happiness. I decided that if the next had nice weather. I would make an effort to be outdoors and meet up with friends.

It is important to be proactive and take action to bring happiness in to your life. No wallowing in self-pity, thinking about how life sucks, or how lonely I am. Taking action, and doing what needs to be done is how I can help myself. I like you to search for what makes you happy, and implement them in to your life as much as you can. Don’t think. Don’t wish. Just do! After you read this I like you to think of the things that bring happiness to your life. Try to focus your energy on incorporating these things into your life.

My list:

  • Connecting with friends/family
  • Going outdoors in nature
  • Taking care of plants
  • Mindful breaks
  • Meditation
  • Writing
  • Reading
  • Listening to music/dancing

Self-Discipline

What is it? It is taking action despite your feelings/desires/motivation. It is about focusing on the long term, rather than the short-term. You can’t always wait, until you feel like doing something. We rather do what is easy and comfortable, but that isn’t always the best for us.

Self-discipline is about diving into the uncomfortable, and doing things that can be considered difficult to oneself, but recognize it must be done to help you grow, and achieve your goals. To be able to reach the goals you like, self-discipline is an important factor. Procrastination, unhealthy habits, indulging in distractions are all due to lack of self-discipline. Now we all lack self-discipline from time to time, so don’t be hard on yourself, some more than others, but learning to build more self-discipline can go a long way in helping you be the person you want to be, and achieve what you want to achieve. To be mentally, physically and emotionally at your best. So how exactly does one gain self-discipline? There are a couple of factors I like to explain that can be helpful in gaining self-discipline.

  • Get uncomfortable-As I mentioned, you have to learn to live with some discomfort to move forward, to push through, and get where you want to be. Comfort can keep you stagnant. We as humans like to remain as comfortable as possible, but it doesn’t always have a positive effect on us to do so. Getting uncomfortable once in a while can be beneficial to our development and creativity.
  • Take action-As I mentioned above, you can’t always wait for motivation to strike. You won’t always be motivated. You got to just do it. No thinking, just do. No feelings, just do. Action goes a long way. I did not feel like writing this morning, but I still did it, because I know it is better for me mentally to write.
  • Be Aware-Learning to become cognizant of your unhealthy, or unwanted habits can help you focus your energy on steering away from these habits. When you are aware of what you should not be doing, or you are aware that this habit makes you feel worse and doesn’t benefit you. It makes it easier to make changes. Most bad habits are done mindlessly. Being more mindful can help you build better habits, and become more disciplined. When I am mindful of when I am wasting time by scrolling. I learn to shut it off, and do something more productive/beneficial for my mindset.
  • Meditate-Man, does this help build your discipline. I think this is better than anything. It is the hardest thing for me to do. Staying still is just so hard for us to do. We like keeping busy. If you are able to sit still for 10-20 minutes, take deep breaths, and allow your thoughts to flow. This can help build discipline in other areas in your life. Doing this helps me gain clarity, and to become focused on what needs to be done.
  • Replace habits-Learn to swap unhealthy habits to healthier habits. Rather than scrolling, or watching TV, use that time to read, or create something, or take a walk. Rather than eating cookies, chips or cake, swap for a healthier snack, like fruits or nuts. Rather than sitting down and watching TV to defeat boredom. Get some music on and dance to get you moving, and get some exercise. Not easy to implement, but can be done. It is best to switch to healthy habits you enjoy, so it is easier to make the transition. I was bored and lazy yesterday. I spent most of my day scrolling and watching TV, but I decided to switch it up, and be a bit more active, so I got some music and danced. It felt good to move. It gave me more energy. It made me happier. Switching from just laying down, doing nothing, to moving and dancing, and listening to some upbeat music can make a difference in your mood, and it helped benefit my mental and physical state. I realize I should do this more often when feeling bored. It is important to switch things up, and to not stick to the same habits, especially if they don’t benefit you physically and mentally. Pushing yourself to make some changes can help build discipline.

I will say having a lazy day is perfectly normal and totally okay. Sometimes you want to get out of your head and indulge in something. Sometimes you want to rest and chill. Sometimes you want food that isn’t the healthiest for you. That is okay. We just want to limit the amount of times we do these things, so we can improve mentally and physically.

  • Understand long-term gains, rather than short term pains-Focus your energy on what you will get out of something in the end, rather than the discomfort you will feel in the short-term. This is probably one of the biggest reasons I push through the discomfort. The short-term pains/discomfort will be gone, but if you let it linger, it will create guilt, shame, bitterness, stagnation, sadness, among other things. I know if I don’t write. I will feel unaccomplished. I know if I don’t get exercise or movement. I will feel incomplete. I know if I don’t eat my required nutrient intake. I am not giving my body the fuel it needs to thrive. All this keeps me on track. I focus on the long-term benefits, not short-term.
  • Believe in yourself-This may be hard for some of you, but if you talk down to yourself, have no confidence in yourself. You are what you believe. If you think you are a failure, you will be one, brutal, but true. The reason is, if you believe that, you will most likely not try. If you believe you can make change, then you will work to make it happen. Be kind to yourself, trust yourself, and you can go a long way to achieving what you like to achieve. You can’t go far beating yourself up.

I am sure there are plenty of other ways to build self-discipline, but I’ll leave it with these. I find these really help keep me in check. I hope they help you in some way as well, or they do help you in some way. We want to aim to grow, become healthier, and more content and at peace. Self-discipline can help us on that journey.

Life Of Uncertainty

I had an idea of what m Sunday was going to be. I was excited to go the park, sit on a blanket under a tree, and relax with my books, and connect with a friend, but things did not turn out the way I planned. That is the thing about life. You can’t predict the future, or expect things to go the way you thought.

My car didn’t start on the way over there, so had to use my friends car to get to the park. Once we were there. I was still a bit upset about my car, so my excitement died down a bit. The lot where I wanted to go was full, so we had to go to a spot I didn’t like as much. We were also surrounded by cicada’s, and the noise was a bit distracting. We also couldn’t sit under a tree, so we had to stay under the sun, which was unpleasant. We were there for about 30 minutes, so the day didn’t go at all how I planned.

I could have called it a day, said the day was shot, and be miserable, but I recognized this is all part of life. Yes, I am a bit upset nothing went to plan, but not all is lost. I ended just hanging out on my friends porch, in the shade, and we ended up having a nice time. I got to read, listen to music, and connect with my friend. I realized being on her porch was pretty nice, and that we should do that again, instead of going to parks, and dealing with multiple bugs, and also having a bathroom.

So in the end, these bumps brought something new to my horizon. I was able to still enjoy my time, and find a new place to hang out. By the end of the day I felt much better. I was still a bit stressed about my car, but the stress wasn’t too strong. The thing is you will always feel the emotion, but acceptance of uncertainty will lesson the severity.

The day did not go how I planned it, but sometimes life doesn’t go the way you planned. What you envision for the future is not reality. Once reality hits. You got to be able to handle what life has to offer, good or bad, because life isn’t smooth or perfect. And in the end, you may find a silver lining like I did, something good can come out of all of it. I found a new spot to hang out, and I found some good writing material.

Regret

Regret is a feeling of sadness, repentance, or disappointment over something that has happened or been done. It is hard to live mindfully and peacefully when we have regrets. Regret can be helpful when you are able to learn from it, so that it can help shape your future actions. If you continue to live in the past, and ruminate over what went wrong, rather than trying to figure out how it can help you today, then that is when it can be a problem.

I don’t really like having regrets, and I don’t have any at the moment. Regret is living in the past, and not really coming to acceptance of what happened. Regret steers me away from being mindful and present, so I try not to focus on what went wrong, or didn’t go as well as I liked to. Ruminating over doesn’t help me. Learning and growing from it does.

Life isn’t perfect. Mistakes will happen. Life doesn’t always go the way you planned. What you thought was the right choice back then, may not see like it now. It is easier to judge in retrospect. There may be aspects of my life that didn’t go the way I wanted. I may have made choices that weren’t great, but there are aspects that are good learning experiences. A choice can either be good for you at the moment, or teach you a lesson for the future. There is no place for regret. We don’t know everything. Experience helps us learn.

You live. You learn. At that point in your life you thought it was the right decision. We grow. We change. Regret shows that you had a learning experience. Try not to wallow in self-pity or blame. You are here now. You can always make better choices in the present moment. Don’t allow your past to hold you hostage. Set yourself free by being present. Accept the past. Appreciate your ability to learn and evolve. Use regret as a tool to learn and gain strength. Not as a tool to punish yourself.

Just remember, people regret they didn’t do, rather than the things they did do. Life is an experience. There will be bumps, mistakes and failures. That shows you are truly living.

99 Of The Best Quotes About Having Regrets | Regret quotes, Never regret  quotes, Relationship regret quotes

Habits That Keep Me At Peace In A Digital World

Being on social media can have its drawbacks. It can create anxiety, frustration, and depression. It is easy to fall into the negativity trap when you immerse yourself into that world. I have been able to stay on social media and still have a peaceful mind and soul. How? I like to discuss the reasons that helped me stay sane and at peace. Some people detox, which is great for them, but I don’t necessarily feel the need, since it doesn’t negatively impact my life. These habits have made it easier to live peacefully without allowing social media to destroy my peace, or should I say. I haven’t allowed social media to destroy my positivity and peace.

  • Awareness-When it comes to mindfulness. Awareness is very important. This is also the case for my social media use. When I recognize that I am being wasteful, or I am starting to feel any uncomfortable emotions. I shut it off. When I start to feel negativity creep in. I take a step back, recognize where I am going, and revert back to where I want to be. I tell myself none of this is that serious, it is just social media, and I move forward. Being able to be aware of where my thoughts and emotions are going. Helps me pull away from negativity, and push toward a more positive and peaceful mindset.
  • Don’t engage in negativity-People can say some hurtful things on social media. It is easy to engage and react. There are times I start typing something, but then I become aware of what I am doing, delete it, and move on. I try to ignore negativity on social media. I rather engage in positive things. I rather use it to fangirl over my favorite kpop groups, look at pictures of nature and plants, read inspirational quotes, watch inspirational or funny videos. When you put your energy into the positive aspects. You don’t have much time for the negative aspects.
  • Acceptance-This is another big point of mindfulness, and a huge way of keeping yourself at peace. There will be comments that upset and frustrate you. The news can be depressing. I follow lots of news on SNS. Not everyone has the same set of values as I do. Not everyone has the same opinions as I do, I recognize this. There are some depressing things that show up on my timeline, but as I recognize there is bad things in this world. There are also good things, and plenty of things to appreciate. Life sucks, but life is also good. I feel bad for the people suffering in this world, but getting depressed doesn’t help them. I can’t help them much. I will just focus on the things I can help, which is my happiness, and helping others seek happiness and peace. The world is filled with good and bad things. That is part of life. Accepting this can help you navigate the digital world much better.
  • Objectivity-Do not take things personally! Majority of the people on social media are strangers. Their opinion should not have much affect on you. Everyone has different perspectives. Social media is not about being the moral police. I am not perfect, so I will not judge others for their words. Bullying others to fall in line does not make you a happier person. I may disagree with others, and their opinions may be hurtful to others, but that is their opinion. Most of the time I can’t change it, so I rather just keep moving. I recognize we are all different, and have a different set of values. Once you recognize this it will be easier to navigate social media without feeling anger, resentment and frustration.
  • Seeing the grey-Recognize not everything is black and white, all or nothing, right or wrong. Look at understanding other perspectives. My opinion may be right, but for another opinion it can be right to. Open yourself up to other opinions. You may be surprised that you agree a bit with them. Another opinion from myself doesn’t equate to a wrong opinion, it is just different. Opening yourself up to different opinions makes things easier, and also a learning experience. It makes you more understanding and compassionate, which will make you a more relaxed and happier individual.
  • No need for validation-I try not to use social media for validation. It is nice to get noticed, but I normally just use it to express myself, that’s it. There is so much freedom in recognizing you don’t need others approval to create a post. I honestly love not having a lot of eyes on me. It is easier to post what I want, and not feel any pressure.
  • Step away- It is important that you don’t use these platforms all the time. When it is getting too overwhelming. I shut it off. When I recognize I am just wasting time there and mindlessly scrolling. I get off. When I am out. I don’t use it. Social media is not my life. I do other things to occupy my life, which is important to staying at peace. Get out, read, be creative. There is so much more out there. Once I step away. I realize how unimportant things are on social media. The things that upset me don’t matter as much. Real life is more important. This brings me back to reality, and brings me back to a peaceful place.

All of these habits have made my social media experience much more easier to deal with. I very rarely feel any stress, or sadness from being online. Social media is a platform for people to express themselves. It isn’t my life, or your life. The real world is out there. Explore that more, rather than putting your attention on a virtual world. It isn’t that serious. I hope these habits were helpful, and that you learn to use social media with a more mindful heart. I hope you continue to find peace, happiness and love in your lives.