Tag: #coping strategies

Dealing With Grief

by Ana-Alicia

I am writing this post, because I recently talked to a friend who is dealing with the loss of her grandfather. There were laughs, crying, happiness, joy and sadness. Also, feelings of guilt and sorrow. With many questions. This is quite normal when dealing with grief. Emotions are all over the place, and that is perfectly fine.

I was happy to be there for her to vent, and to talk about her grandfather. She had lovely stories to tell. All of these things that happened are totally normal for grief. There will be ups and down, even in a span of 30 minutes. You will not get over it quickly. You will struggle to come to terms with the loss. There will be questions about death. These are ways we cope.

We try to suppress our sadness, the tears, anger, guilt, frustrations, but we have to remember it is part of the process of healing. We want to get over it, but it just isn’t possible. You may even start putting blame on yourself for having these feelings, or putting blame on yourself for not doing too much, or being there enough for your loved one that has passed. This is quite normal, but we must be reminded, during this fragile time to be kind to ourselves, and remember that we are not perfect, and that you most likely did all you can do.

It will take time to recover. In the meantime, allow your emotions to flow through you. It may be hard at times, but it can be really helpful to just let go. Try not to be ashamed of crying. It is your body’s way of letting your sorrows out. It is better to let it out, than to suppress it.

We all grieve in different ways. At a different pace. So cry, some don’t. Some talk, some are silent. Some lash out, some stay calm. Some prefer to be around others, some prefer solitude. There is no wrong or right way to grieve, unless it purposely causes harm to others, others than that grieve how you want. Death is the most difficult thing to cope with in life. It is one of life’s biggest struggles.

The journey to recovery can take time, especially if it was someone close to you. Also, if there is someone close to you who lost someone, please try to take time to be there for them, and check on them. Giving them a space to talk and vent is important. All you have to do is listen and be empathetic.

I also recommend during the grieving process to be creative and productive. Try some meditation, exercise, journal, and read as well. Most importantly, keep your distance from social media as that can hinder your healing process. There will be times when you just want to lay down and do nothing, that is perfectly fine. You’ll need that mental and physical break.

Another thing I like to mention is, I preach living in the moment, but I found the importance of pictures, while visiting my friend. She had many photos of her grandfather. It was nice to see, and it is nice to look back on them. I get being in the moment, but memories fade, and pictures can be helpful in keeping memories alive. It made me realize I should take more pictures.

Mindful Reminder(Dealing With Bad Moments)

by Ana-Alicia

I read this yesterday in my mindfulness book. This passage really resonated with me. Work has been frustrating, exhausting, and annoying these past couple day. It is very easy for me to fall into a negative state.

With practicing mindfulness, I have been able to be aware of my emotions, thoughts, feelings and actions in the moment. I realized these feelings of annoyance and frustration will pass. The day will eventually end, and I will feel better. I decided to take deep breaths every once in awhile. I also took breaks, and told myself to take things step by step, and not do too much. I accepted that the work day will suck. Some moments suck in life. There is no perfection in life. You will get good and bad moments, and moments in between.

All of this really helped me stay grounded and sane. I still felt annoyed, but I did my best to stay as calm and relaxed as I can. I did my best not to take my anger out on others(I did have a bit of an attitude, it happens, I am human, I am not perfect), because these feelings are mine, and it is not anyone else’s fault. I will still able to engage and laugh with my coworkers as much as I could, which I probably wouldn’t have been able to do before.

I realize negative emotions will arise every once in awhile. I can’t stop that. We can’t control our feelings. I do realize we can control how we deal with it. It was a tough day. It sucked. There will be bad days. We just got to try our best to manage those bad days in a calmer and more mindful manner. Just remember it will pass. It is okay to give in to emotions. Just be mindful, take deep breaths, take breaks, and be conscious of your actions.

Doing all this can help reduce the amount of negative emotions one feels at the moment. You can go from being very annoyed and lashing out on others, to just annoyed and coping with it, to just slightly annoyed with a bit of mindful practice. But also, don’t beat yourself up if you give in to these emotions and lash out. You are human. Be kind to yourself, but also remember to be kind to others. Just continue to work on improving how you cope with negative emotions and bad moments in life.

Overcoming Adversity

by Ana-Alicia

Dealing with difficulties, struggles and problems in life is part of our journey. We don’t enjoy it, but it is part of our life cycle. With mindfulness practice, you learn not to fight it, but cope with it. Being aware and accepting the reality of the instability and unpredictability of our world can help one cope with adversity better. It will still hurt and shock you, but a little awareness and preparation can help buffer the process.

Accidents, illnesses, losing loved ones etc,. It is possible and most likely we will deal with something that shatters our world and beliefs. It can either destroy you, or make you stronger. It is all in what mindset you choose to go with. You may not see it, but it is your choice in how you cope with it. You can blame others and the world. Would it help? Not really. It would just exacerbate negativity and won’t help you move forward. It will just keep you stuck.

Taking on adversity can help cultivate courage, strength, resilience, confidence, and it can inspire one to make changes and help others. It could also make someone more creative. You can turn it against you, or use it to aid your self-growth. You can use it to bring you down, or lift you up. You can’t control the circumstances, but you can take control in how you handle those circumstances. Rather than confront it with why me’s?, blaming, hate, self-pity, and focusing on the unfairness of it all. Yes, life is unfair unfortunately. Remember this doesn’t help you at all. Try something more useful for oneself. You can use it to learn, grow and become much stronger.

“Of course, since we are human, it is very easy to get caught up in the self pity, unfairness of life, or ‘why me?’ traps. When we do, we fail to recognize the opportunities for wisdom and growth that accompany adversity. However, as soon we allow ourselves to think more clearly, we are able to let go of self-defeating and unproductive thoughts and get down to the business of dealing with what’s before us.”(Essential Life Skills.net). Yes, we are human, so we will fall into that trap of negativity, but we can learn to step away from it much sooner with healthier coping strategies.

Adversity is a way for you to grow, learn, build character, gain strength, inspire others, help others and create new meaning in life. It isn’t the end of something, but a new beginning to something else. Life isn’t fair, it isn’t perfect, it isn’t predictable. We will all have to deal with something we think we can’t handle, but once you are faced with it. You may be surprised with what you can handle. You always have the choice to cope, thrive and move forward, or sink, wallow in despair, and stay stuck in negativity. Life makes choices for us, but it doesn’t make all the choices. You have the choice in how you deal with that adversity. Down below are some things you can do to help aid you when dealing with adversity.

Some ways to cope with adversity:

  • Having a good support system
  • Talking with others
  • Surround yourself with positive people
  • Be aware and accept the reality
  • Be creative
  • Help others
  • Work on your inner self

Source:https://www.essentiallifeskills.net/overcoming-adversity.html

Coping Through Uncertain/Difficult Times

by Ana-Alicia

Plans, vacations, appointments, schedules are all postponed, cancelled, or uncertain. Some are facing job losses, and financial instability. These times are difficult for everyone in one way, or another. It is hard to stay positive and calm all the time. Lots of thoughts may overwhelm you with all this uncertainty. With all of this, we must figure out ways to manage and cope. It is either that, or self-destruct, and fall into depression and despair. You, nor I, want that. I wanted to write down a list of ways that can help one cope through these tough times. So how do we cope?

Do what you can control:There are many things we can’t control about this situation, but all is not lost. There are also many things you can do. Things are not black or white, or all or nothing. There is grey area to work with. If you lost a job, maybe find ways to fill out resumes, and do job searches. I am sure there are plenty of places hiring, maybe some people you know may have some ideas, ask around. If you can’t go to the gym, do some home workouts, or do some exercises outdoors. If you can’t meet with friends, call them, or virtually hang out with them. There are things that you can do in this situation. It is all about working with what you got.

Find little joys&happiness:I just went for a walk Saturday. I also did some fun kpop reviews on my other blog. I really enjoyed doing this, and it made the weekend exciting. I was also excited to try these frozen fruits I bought yesterday. Finding little things like this that bring you joy is important through these times that may make you perceive the world negatively. Finding the little things that can make you happy can bring some excitement back to your life.

Take deep breaths/meditate:Whenever my thoughts overwhelm me. There can be times when all my thoughts about this uncertainty overwhelm my mind. I use the technique of taking deep breaths. This helps calm my thoughts. If you like to dig deeper. Closing your eyes, and doing some meditation can help calm your thoughts, and bring some clarity to the uncertainty.

Find Inspiration/Guidance: Looking for others for a different perspective, and outlook on life can be helpful. If I feel a bit down, I like to read my mindfulness books, and watch my favorite inspirational Youtube channels to guide me back to a more positive mindset. Doing this allows you to see things from a different perspective, and view things from a different light that you may not have thought of, or maybe just needing the reminder.

Express gratitude:We tend to put our focus on the negative. Try to take some time to write down 5 things you are grateful for. This could show you there are some good things going on in your life, and that not everything is bad. This could bring a bit of positivity back into your life.

Be productive/creative:This gives you a sense of accomplishment and achievement. It may be hard to do some things in these times, but there are plenty of creative, and productive things one can do to counteract the uncertainty, and difficulty of these times. It may even bring you joy after accomplishing these things.

Be kind to yourself:Remind yourself that it is okay to feel sad, anxious, lazy, lonely etc,… through this. These emotions are normal. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling this way. Show compassion and empathy for oneself.

Avoid News-The news likes to catastrophize, they like to show things that will shock their viewers. They rarely posts good news, because that isn’t what grabs attention. They tend to make things seem worse, than it is. Sometimes it is best to keep your distance from it. Be informed, but try not to consistently check up on it.

Talk to others/journal:Letting your concerns out to the world is very therapeutic. Try to use these outlets to help you cope. I always feel better writing my concerns down on paper, or talking to someone about it. Releasing it out, and not bottling it in can be very helpful.

Reflect on past coping skills: I saw this in one article I was reading for my research on this topic. I really liked this one. Delve into the past, and reflect on what you did in the past to help you cope through these times. We all been through something in the past, but you got through it obviously, what was it?, and can you apply it now? I like this one. This can help build your coping skills strength.

Take mindful breaks:I was on the computer yesterday, and I was getting overwhelmed with all the information being thrown at me. I was starting to feel lethargic and down. I decided to take a mindful break, and I felt so refreshed, rejuvenated, and relaxed once I did it. Being with your thoughts. You are able to find clarity, which then can help you problem-solve, and figure things out. Too much information being thrown at you can get overwhelming. It can also make it hard to confront your thoughts and concerns about life, so you may not be able to find clarity, and figure things out. A mindful break may be needed to gain perspective. It also allows you to live in the moment, and truly live. One is truly living when they are aware of the moment.

Accept:Last coping strategy, but certainty not least. These times make one aware that life is uncertain, unpredictable, and reminds you that losses will happen in life. Use this situation as lessons for the future. Uncertainty and difficulty will happen again. It is a natural part of life. Security, safety, and stability are not certain in this life. Situations like these helps bring us back to reality, and away from our perceived safety net of stability. Also, things can be much worse. Just think about all those movies & books about pandemics, or past diseases and viruses that killed many more people. See the reality of the situation, and keep moving forward.

We are all dealing with some type of difficulty, or struggle, but that is something we deal with daily, not just through this pandemic. That is life. There are good. There are positives as well. I hope these strategies can be helpful in some way. We just got to keep hanging on. Work through it. Keep moving forward. We will get through this, like the many other struggles we have gone through in the past. I hope you all have a lovely week.

Stress and Anxiety

by Ana-Alicia

Stress is ubiquitous. Society has created this world of stress. We are more stressed today than ever. Stressing about money, paying bills, work, school, relationships etc. It is all around us. The stress can sometimes develop into something more severe. They can develop into anxiety disorders. We all have our worries, and fears. Sometimes it can control our thoughts, change our brain structure, and cause physical symptoms out of our control. There were plenty of times I left school with a huge headache from all the talking I had to do. I have Social Anxiety, so having to speak up in class was a chore for me. I didn’t mind doing it. I liked speaking my mind, but my body didn’t like it. I would get heart palpitations every time I thought about speaking up, sometimes I wouldn’t attempt to speak up, because I was too nervous, but sometimes I decided to fight through it, because I really wanted to say what I wanted to say. This would end with me having a headache everyday, which wasn’t fun. When it comes to an anxiety disorder, you know your thoughts are irrational, but the limbic system of the brain-the emotion center of the brain-and the chemicals of the brain take charge, and cause physical symptoms. Anxiety can cause nausea, sweating, heart palpitations, shortness of breath, dizziness, and other things. Now I like to discuss some anxiety disorders.

Generalized Anxiety Disorder-People with generalized anxiety disorder display excessive anxiety or worry for months and face several anxiety-related symptoms(NIMH).

Panic Disorder-People with panic disorder have recurrent unexpected panic attacks, which are sudden periods of intense fear that may include palpitations, pounding heart, or accelerated heart rate; sweating; trembling or shaking; sensations of shortness of breath, smothering, or choking; and feeling of impending doom(NIMH).

Social Anxiety-People with social anxiety disorder (sometimes called “social phobia”) have a marked fear of social or performance situations in which they expect to feel embarrassed, judged, rejected, or fearful of offending others(NIMH).

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder-PTSD is a disorder that develops in some people who have experienced a shocking, scary, or dangerous event(NIMH).

Anxiety is something cultivated by the world we live in. It is extremely hard to control, because your brain is restructured to become anxious and stressed in a given situation. Now it may be hard to get rid of anxiety and stress. There are ways to manage and cope with stress. Not everyone deals with these severe cases, but we all deal with stress and anxiety. There is no avoiding it. So what we should do is find ways to cope with it when it happens and also find ways to restructure our brain to handle stress in a better way. The chemical imbalances in our brain can be restructured, so that we don’t become more susceptible to stress.

One way that has helped me cope with Social Anxiety is the mindfulness approach, and meditation. I have and will speak on this a lot, because it a helpful tool. Mindfulness is all the present. Focusing myself to the moment gives me less time to worry about the future, and all my negative perceptions about it. Meditation always has a way of bringing me to a calmer state. My thoughts consume me at first, but after 10-15 minutes the thoughts subside, and I am at peace. I feel much more relaxed after it. Another thing that can be helpful is changing your mindset from a negative one to a positive. When it comes to anxiety, and thinking about the future. We think the worse, but we never think it will be better than we think. We don’t see the bright side. You probably think, ‘this is going to go awful,’ ‘this will be awful. You say all these negative things to yourself, but you can also flip that, and say ‘it will be fine,’ ‘I may enjoy it,’ or ‘it will go great.’ Remember, a situation is never as bad as you think it will be, it never is for me. I always think after the fact that is wasn’t as bad as my mind thought it would be. Just remember that the feelings of stress will pass, just like all emotions pass. We get happy, sad, anxious, it is cyclical. No emotion is stable through life. Things in life are too complicated for our emotions to stay stable. Just think about things you were stressed about a year ago, and if you are still stressed about it today? More often than not, you have moved on. You bounced back, and got through it. We are pretty tough, and can handle a lot more than we think, so try to believe you can get through the stressful time. Better times will come. As I mentioned the mind is a powerful tool, so let’s try to use it for some good for our own well-being. Psychotherapy, Cognitive Behavior Therapy, Exposure Therapy, Aerobic exercises, Self-Help and Support Groups can also be helpful. Medication is also used, but using only medication will only alleviate symptoms. It will not help you cope and learn how to deal with stressful events. If you like to read more about those her is a link. https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders/index.shtml

It all depends on what can be helpful for you, whatever works for you, try it. Maybe you can try doing something you enjoy, going out for a walk, listening to calming music, writing, drawing, doing puzzles. We all just have to find our own way to cope with stress, because if we can’t cope, it will consume us in a negative way mentally and physically.