Just a reminder that your struggles at the moment will pass. I had a day last week where I felt anxious and worried. The unpredictable experiences of life can get to us. Just remind yourself that it may suck, or be bad right now, but the worry and struggle will pass. Having this reminder helped me cope, and allowed me not to be as anxious as I used to be. Life is in constant motion. The feelings and experience at the moment will pass. You will get through this hiccup just like the many ones before. Our thoughts tend to exaggerate the situation. They tend to focus on the negative outcomes. Awareness of this can help us counter those thoughts in a more positive or realistic way. It may not flip our negative mindset entirely, but just a bit of awareness comes a long way.
I discussed Cognitive Distortions a couple of posts ago in Cognitive Distortions. I like to take this post to list some techniques that can help you change those distorted views. Dr. Burns listed plenty of help techniques. I will discuss a couple here. I recommend buying the book to get the full scope of techniques. It is important to remove these distortions from permeating our lives, so that we can move towards healing and living more peacefully.
- Positive Reframing– Putting your focus on the negative thoughts and difficult emotions one is feeling. Ask yourself these two questions: (1) What are the advantages, or benefits to these type of emotions and thoughts? (2) What do these thoughts and emotions tell me about myself and my values that is wonderful?
Feelings of anxiety can show that an upcoming event is meaningful to you, or that you are doing something outside your comfort zone, which can be something beneficial to you in the long run. Looking at these emotions is a different light can help alleviate the negativity associated with these difficult emotions. You may start to feel better about an upsetting situation.
- Straightforward Technique-This one is pretty straightforward as the name states, but as straightforward as it is, this can be difficult for most to do. Try to switch your perspective to a more positive, or realistic approach, rather than negative.
Ask yourself questions, Is this negative thought really true? Do I truly believe it? Is there another way to look at it? I absolutely love this technique, and use it all the time. Switching your perspective can make such a difference to your state of mind.
- Double Standard Technique-Rather than putting yourself down. Try talking to yourself in a way you would talk to a good friend you care about.
It is so much easier to be cruel to ourselves, and lift other up when they are down, but we should learn to show the same kindness to ourselves. When you say negative things to yourself, remind yourself if this is something you would say to a friend who is going through the same thing, or who would say those negative things about themselves.
- Examine the Evidence-Rather than looking at things in a negative light. Try to look into the facts of what you are saying.
Is what you are saying really true? What are the facts? What does it show? Telling yourself you are a failure. Look up the definition, does that truly describe you. In most cases this would not be the case.
- Socratic Method-This is when you take a deeper look into what you are saying, and analyze if it is true or not.
If you think you are a failure, or a awful person, or suck at life. Look into what those words really mean. Do you truly fail all the time to be a failure, or have you had some achievements? Are you really awful?, or did you make a mistake, or make one bad decision out of all the great things you do? Does life truly suck, or are you having one bad moment? Is that really relative to you, or is this something that happens to everyone? This method allows you to look into what you are saying, and find insight to the truth of the matter. It showcases our faulty thought patterns.
- Thinking in Shades of Gray-We usually face problems, because we tend to see things in black and white, but things in life aren’t normally that way.
There are good and bad things about oneself and life. Experiences in life aren’t always great or bad. You are not perfect, and one mistake doesn’t make you a horrible human being. Learning to look at both sides is important.
- Semantic Method-This method is about looking at the language you use to define life experiences. Instead of saying, “I shouldn’t have made this mistake this,” you can say, “It would have been better if I have not made that mistake.” Instead of saying, I can’t do this, it is too hard” try saying, “It will be hard to do this, but I can try my best. Instead of saying, “I hate how I look,” try saying “I don’t look my best today.” Instead of thinking, “I hate my life,” try thinking, “this moment sucks, but it will pass.”
Finding better wording can allow one space to practice self-kindness and compassion. It is all in how you word things. Wording things in a more compassionate, and positive way can help you move through difficult situations much more smoothly.
- Let’s Define Terms-This method allows you to actually look at the definition you are labeling yourself.
When you label yourself a loser, failure, foolish, ugly, horrible etc,. Once you look up the actual term for these things. You realize that doesn’t define you. When you actually look up these definitions. You realize how absurd it is to define oneself in those ways.
- Be Specific-It is important to focus on the specific situation, problem, mistake flaw etc,. It is easy to globalize our problems, mistakes, flaws to other areas. It is just one bad day, one flaw, one mistake. There are plenty of good days, things to appreciate, and strengths to yourself and your life.
- Self-Monitoring-This method is about keeping tracking of all your negative thoughts, either writing them down when you have them, or put the number of how many negative thoughts came to mind on a watch or phone. This can make you aware of how often you have negative thoughts. Having this awareness cultivates a diminishing of the negative thoughts.
I really like the self-monitoring technique. Awareness is very important to self-improvement and recovery. Having a visual really can open our eyes, and allow us to make changes.
I believe all these techniques above can be beneficial to changing our distorted ways of thinking. It can help cultivate a healthier mindset, and peace of mind. There are plenty more techniques in the book, but wanted to limit it to the ones I liked the best. I recommend the book if you like to know more, but I think these techniques suffice. It is important to be aware of our faulty thought patterns, so we can figure out ways to cope and manage them, so that our lives can be more fulfilled.
I wanted to write this post, because I recently decided I didn’t want to partake in complaining anymore. I don’t believe it is useful to me, and it permeates negativity. Now there can be some benefits to complaining, which involves venting. There is nothing wrong with expressing our troubles from time to time as long as it is not habitual. I read an article on complaining titled Hidden Benefits and Pitfalls of Complaining (verywellmind). I thought it would be helpful to discuss these benefits and pitfalls.
Venting is Necessary
Bottling in your thoughts and emotions can take a toll on a person. Sometimes it is necessary to let things out. It can give you relief. It can help you feel heard. When I get to a point when I have to let it out. I always feel much better. It can relieve stress. Letting it all out can finally help you get some answers as well. It can be from the help of the person you are venting to, or maybe now that you found relief. You can move on to figuring out what can be done to help you.
It Provides Validation
Knowing that someone gets it, and that you are not alone can be helpful. Having someone sympathize with you, or agree with you showcases that you have a right to feel and think the way you do, and that something isn’t wrong with you. Complaining to others gives us that validation we need to move forward.
Now this pro can also be a con as well. If you talk to the wrong person who validates complaints that put you in the wrong, or they agree with a distorted point of view. That type of validation can be harmful.
Getting Another Perspective
By complaining to others you may be able to gain some other perspectives on the situation. When we complain, we tend to focus on our perspective, we may see things in black and white terms, or blow the situation out of proportion. Talking to another person may help you see that your perspective may not align with reality. This can help give you new insight to the situation. You may realize things are not as bad as you think, or you shouldn’t really be as angry or upset as you feel.
It can be easier finding solutions when you have more people involved. Complaining to others may make it easier for you to find a solution. It can help open you up to others input, and possible solutions you didn’t think of.
Complaining Leads to Action
Sometimes it is important to complain to the right people who can help make changes. I once complained to my bosses about a situation at work. They heard it, and fixed it, problem solved. Sometimes it is that easy. Complaints that are work related, or any situation that is outside your control. It is best to complain to people who can help you. I had coworkers complain to me about work related stuff that can probably be solved by talking to a supervisor or lead. I can’t help them with these problems, so it is useless complaining to me. This is why it is important to complain to the right people. If you do, then things can get done to make things better for you.
Focusing on the Problem, Not the Solutions
This is a big one when it comes to cons of complaining. Putting your attention on the problem will leave you stuck, feeling hopeless, depressed, angry, and frustrated. You will never be satisfied, and your perspective will only focus on the negative. This type of mindset when it comes to complaining can cultivate misery for an individual.
Constant complaining can lead to a pessimistic outlook. Being a habitual complainer cultivates negativity.
Misery loves company. Complaining can be contagious. Complainers may gravitate towards others who complain. A complainer may get you going, and get you to complain as well. It may start out as validating each other, but end up turning into an angry mob, or a negativity circle of friends.
Drain on Others
Constant complaining can definitely be a drain on others, and bring others down. People have their own problems. They don’t want to be dragged down by someone else’s problems. We should try to build and lift others up, not bring them down. Constant complaining can push others away from you, leaving you with no support system to help.
I will say this if complaining leaves you feeling worse, gets nothing done, and it is constantly about the same topic. This type of complaining is toxic. It serves no purpose, but to drain you of life, happiness, and peace of mind. Complaining has its good moments from time to time. When you need someone to listen. When there is a solution on the horizon. When you had enough, and need to voice your thoughts.
I am not against complaining if it can help you, or myself in any way. I will only complain if it benefits me, if it doesn’t, I will let it be, and keep moving forward. Sometimes things in life sucks, sometimes things don’t go your way, sometimes people disappoint, that is life. There is no need to wallow in negativity about it. Tell yourself, things may suck now, but there will be plenty of things to brighten your life as well. Life has its good and bad moments. You got to deal with the bad ones, to appreciate and enjoy the good moments.
Hello my lovely followers. I am staying home preparing for the storm coming. I just wanted to post some mindful reminders I use for myself. I remembered having them, while doing my mindful evening routine. I haven’t read them in awhile. It is nice to look back on them. Some are more relevant to me at the moment, than others. Maybe they can be helpful for you, or maybe you have, or can make some of your own. I did revamp some of them. I also make new reminders if something new pops up, and I want to make a reminder for future references. I think these are nice to have around whenever you need that reminder. Please don’t mind the handwritten, not the best hand writer, but still wanted to show them, because hey, we all got our flaws. I still think these are useful.
There is also something else I like to write. I wrote down some phrases as well. At first I wrote down ‘Be this’ or ‘Be that,’ but then switched it to ‘Find this’ or ‘Find that.’ I realized that saying “be” makes it sound easy, it isn’t, find is a better word, because you got to search and work for these things in life. It won’t come easy, but it is available to you at all times. Have a lovely day or night everyone. Much love<333
When it comes to self-esteem balance is important. Too much or too little can can affect your relationships, your sense of self, your sense of reality, mental state. It is important to have a realistic view of oneself. Learning to appreciate the positive, and accepting the negatives, but not allowing the negatives to define you. Too high of a self-esteem only looks at the positives of oneself, to a point of exaggerating them. Vice versa for a lower self-esteem, having an exaggerated negative viewpoint of oneself, only focusing on the negative parts of oneself.
What is it?
In psychology, the term self-esteem is used to describe a person’s overall sense of self-worth or personal value. In other words, how much you appreciate and like yourself. It involves a variety of beliefs about yourself, such as the appraisal of your own appearance, beliefs, emotions, and behaviors(verywellmind).
Why is it important?
We need a good amount of self-esteem to help us reach our goals. To motivate us. To have the confidence to achieve the things we want to achieve. It helps build you for success. It allows you to be more open, honest, and assertive. It gives you freedom to be who are, no apologies. You learn to focus on your priorities and happiness, rather than on every one else’s.
I would like to discuss a couple of keys that can help build your confidence. These keys listed are from the lovely Julia Kristina. I really enjoy watching her videos, and I love her ideas. I will list the keys, and put my take on these keys.
- Live mindfully-Being present is always the first step to self-growth and improvement. When you are present. You become aware. Being aware can help you recognize negative self-talk. It can allows you to reason and ask questions. Is this logical? Are these thoughts facts? Are these thoughts true? Would I say these things to a friend who was feeling down? Awareness can help us ask questions, learning to challenge these thoughts, reframe, and look at things more positively and realistically leading one to feel better about themselves.
- Self-acceptance– A topic I discuss a lot, and the reason is because it is important to have this to live a more fulfilling, happier, and peaceful life. This is all about putting your focus on the positive aspects of oneself, using it to your advantage, and learning to acknowledge the negatives, either learning to grow from them, or accepting them as part of who you are. Acknowledging that no one is perfect and that is okay.
- Taking responsibility-Learning you have control of what you want to do in life. We are responsible for our actions, our healing, how we cope, our achievements, our goals. No one can achieve your goals for you. No one can heal, or cope for you. No one can make you a happier individual. These are things you got to work for yourself. Giving yourself the opportunity to do things for oneself builds confidence, character, strength etc,. You learn what you are capable of, rather then leaning on others all the time. You can’t grow from that. If you don’t know your capabilities from taking responsibility. You can’t build a healthy self-esteem for oneself. Life situations and other people are out of your control, but your goals, achievements, actions, mindset, coping strategies, and success is up to you.
- Self-assertiveness-Learning not to be afraid of saying what is on your mind, even if it may hurt others, or embarrass oneself. You as an individual has a voice too, and it should be heard. Now we shouldn’t be hurtful or harmful towards others, the intent shouldn’t be malicious, but if you need to voice an opinion, and get yourself heard, then you should speak up. It could upset someone, but if you speak with kindness and not in an aggressive manner. They may learn to understand your viewpoint. Remember, your voice matters too. Your thoughts matter too. No one is above another person. We all have a right to voice our thoughts and opinions.
- Living a life of value-What brings you joy? What bring you happiness? What brings meaning to your life? What gives you purpose? What adds value to your life? What can help you evolve as a person? The answer to these questions are important for your well-being and life fulfillment. This also helps build a nice self-esteem. I feel good about myself when I take care of my plants. I feel good about myself when I write these blog posts. I feel good about myself when I had a nice productive, mindful day. I feel good when I practice yoga or meditation, when I listen to soothing sounds. All the things that make you feel good about yourself, that add value, do them! All of these things can help you to think better of yourself.
- Living with integrity-Learning to live life the best way you can. All you can do is try. Trying to live as honest as you can. Working towards improving your life to bring happiness, wellness and peace to your life. Having a honest relationship with oneself is important. You can’t have a healthy relationship with someone who lies to you, so you can’t have one with yourself if you do so as well. Be as honest and as real as you can be. The freedom of it will set you free. This can teach you to love and appreciate oneself, and help boost one’s esteem.
These last two I came up on my own, while I was doing this research. I felt they should be added.
- Learning to create more positive self-talk-Being able to build yourself up is so important for your self-esteem. Saying more positive things about yourself. We are so quick to put ourselves down, which leads to lower self-self-esteem and confidence. We got to learn to say more kind things to ourselves. It is easier for us to build others up when they are down, but then neglect ourselves. Try saying more kind things to oneself.
- Find your strengths-Put your energy on your strengths, and utilize them. Recognizing and appreciating your strengths is a great esteem booster. You may have flaws, but learn to allow your strengths to shine brighter.
- Focus on self-Giving yourself space to be alone. To become aware of your thoughts and feelings. Learning to have a better understanding of who you are is important to building your self-esteem. If you learn to be content with yourself. You learn to appreciate oneself.
I also wanted to add some signs of a healthy self-esteem I found on a Psychology Today article. I thought it would be helpful to add. Here they are.
- Knows the difference between confidence and arrogance
- Is not afraid of feedback
- Does not people-please or seek approval
- Is not afraid of conflict
- Is able to set boundaries
- Is able to voice needs and opinions
- Is assertive, but not pushy
- Is not a slave to perfection
- Is not afraid of setbacks
- Does not fear failure
- Does not feel inferior
- Accepts who they are
The list is pretty similar to the keys above. It shows how these keys are important to build a healthy self-esteem. Having a healthy self-esteem is important to living a successful and fulfilling life. Having peace with yourself is key to living the life you want.
I would like to continue my conversation on mental strength from my last post Ways to Gain Mental Strength. I stated that I will make another post on some other ways I have found online and through my own experience. As I mentioned, there are plenty of ways to gain mental strength. I will discuss a couple more habits that can be helpful. Through experience and practice you can learn to develop more of these habits to build on your mental strength and health.
- Write positive aspects of every challenge-I really liked this one when I saw it. We tend to put more focus on the negative, but there could be a lesson learned, a better opportunity, a new way to learn, or maybe it can help you inspire others, and create a new path for you. There can be something there if you look for it, and change your perspective.
- Practice 30 minutes of self-care–Give yourself space to pamper yourself. To make yourself feel good. Remember, you can’t be your best to others, if you don’t treat yourself right first.
- Say nice things to yourself-This may seem ridiculous or embarrassing to do, but starting with saying nice things to yourself, even small things, can help build self-kindness and compassion, to eventually love and confidence.
- Practice more gratitude and less complaining-I mentioned many times that complaining solves nothing, and creates more negativity. Working on being more grateful can do wonders. I try my best to focus my energy on the good things in my life when I find myself getting into a negative space. It has helped my mental health vastly.
- Accept adversity and challenges-It is important to recognize that challenges will arise. Being able to overcome obstacles and keep moving takes strength. It is tough, but you’ll get through it. This is something you want to remind yourself. This is all part of life experiences.
- Learn to be alone-Some like more alone time, than others. There are some who really need to be around others, but we all need space from time to time. It doesn’t have to be a long period, but you got to allow yourself to think and feel for yourself. Giving yourself that space leads to more self understanding and awareness. Self soothing and reflection are very important, no one can truly help you, but yourself. Getting to know yourself better leads to a better mindset.
- Practice self love-Once a person is able to love themselves. It is very hard to break that person down and deter them. They know who they are. They know what they want. They stand strong, and go after what can give them a better life.
- Getting power over your emotions-Okay, you can’t control your emotions, but the power is how you handle them. Allow yourself to feel it. Give yourself space to let it out in a healthy way. Understand it is part of being human. Push through. Figure out ways to move forward, whatever way works best for you. Just try not to let the emotions consume you.
- Seeing the other side-Having the ability to empathize and seeing others perspective helps build a stronger mindset.
- Eat healthier–Studies and research has shown that an unhealthy diet can lead to higher rates of low moods, depression and anxiety. Feeding your body with the right nutrients can help build mental strength and clarity.
- Meditate-This cultivates inner peace, mental sharpness and clarity. When your mind is clear. There is much potential.
- Be mindful-Practicing mindfulness had definitely played a part in being more mentally strong as an individual. Once you start being mindful, all of the other things above start to come into play. For me, it starts at learning to be present.
I can list many other things that can help one to become a mentally strong individual. There is a plethora of habits and practices out there. There are plenty of practices, but sometimes difficult for people to put into practice. It is all about awareness of where you are right now, and what can be done to improve your mindset, situation and circumstances.