Dealing With Grief

I am writing this post, because I recently talked to a friend who is dealing with the loss of her grandfather. There were laughs, crying, happiness, joy and sadness. Also, feelings of guilt and sorrow. With many questions. This is quite normal when dealing with grief. Emotions are all over the place, and that is perfectly fine.

I was happy to be there for her to vent, and to talk about her grandfather. She had lovely stories to tell. All of these things that happened are totally normal for grief. There will be ups and down, even in a span of 30 minutes. You will not get over it quickly. You will struggle to come to terms with the loss. There will be questions about death. These are ways we cope.

We try to suppress our sadness, the tears, anger, guilt, frustrations, but we have to remember it is part of the process of healing. We want to get over it, but it just isn’t possible. You may even start putting blame on yourself for having these feelings, or putting blame on yourself for not doing too much, or being there enough for your loved one that has passed. This is quite normal, but we must be reminded, during this fragile time to be kind to ourselves, and remember that we are not perfect, and that you most likely did all you can do.

It will take time to recover. In the meantime, allow your emotions to flow through you. It may be hard at times, but it can be really helpful to just let go. Try not to be ashamed of crying. It is your body’s way of letting your sorrows out. It is better to let it out, than to suppress it.

We all grieve in different ways. At a different pace. So cry, some don’t. Some talk, some are silent. Some lash out, some stay calm. Some prefer to be around others, some prefer solitude. There is no wrong or right way to grieve, unless it purposely causes harm to others, others than that grieve how you want. Death is the most difficult thing to cope with in life. It is one of life’s biggest struggles.

The journey to recovery can take time, especially if it was someone close to you. Also, if there is someone close to you who lost someone, please try to take time to be there for them, and check on them. Giving them a space to talk and vent is important. All you have to do is listen and be empathetic.

I also recommend during the grieving process to be creative and productive. Try some meditation, exercise, journal, and read as well. Most importantly, keep your distance from social media as that can hinder your healing process. There will be times when you just want to lay down and do nothing, that is perfectly fine. You’ll need that mental and physical break.

Another thing I like to mention is, I preach living in the moment, but I found the importance of pictures, while visiting my friend. She had many photos of her grandfather. It was nice to see, and it is nice to look back on them. I get being in the moment, but memories fade, and pictures can be helpful in keeping memories alive. It made me realize I should take more pictures.


Losing someone or something you love is something that can hurt us deeply. It is something we don’t want to see happen, but unfortunately in life losing someone/something is unavoidable. As it is unavoidable it is best to find ways to cope with a loss. There will most likely be sadness, and in some cases depression. Your thoughts will be filled with lots of negativity. I had a lot of negative thoughts when I experienced a recent loss, although this person wasn’t a close loved one. They had some impact in my life and it was sad to hear of this person’s passing. I just saw the bad and negative things in life. This is quite normal with grief. One thing you should know that you shouldn’t feel guilty or shame for being sad. I preach happiness, and yes, we should strive for happiness, but losing a loved one is tough, and sadness will happen. The best thing is not to push away these feelings, or use defense mechanisms, like alcohol, drugs etc. Avoiding your sadness is not going to help you get through this tough time. We must learn to understand our sadness before we can move on. It is not a fun feeling being sad, but we have to learn to allow our emotions to go through the process of grief. I had many mixed feelings, and lots of questions. I also let out a couple of tears, which is okay as well. We are told we need to get over it, and be happy, but losing someone or something is hard, and we have every right to be sad. Once we are able to ruminate over our thoughts and feelings during this time. That is when we are able to eventually move on and get back to as normal as we can. Avoiding our sadness will not help us move on. The sadness will persist, and you may even get addicted to those unhealthy defense mechanisms to keep you from thinking about those thoughts and feelings. That will only have a negative impact on you. You should find healthy ways to cope and help you progress towards a normal life.

I was able to find music. After being sad for two days. I decided I didn’t want to be sad anymore. I ruminated over my sadness, but now it was time to get my life back to ‘normal.’ I decided to listen to music. I listened to songs about loss at first, but realized that wasn’t helpful, then I moved on to inspirational music, and that really helped me change my perspective on things. It made me see the good and positive things in life. That is when I was able to get back to ‘normal’ and become happy again. Meditation was also helpful. It helped me deal with my thoughts, and put me in a state of peace and relaxation.  Now we all grieve differently, and have different ways that can help us cope with grief. You have to find ways that can help you. It can be writing, drawing, reading, dancing, exercising etc. Anything that can help you deal with your emotions and get you back to ‘normal’ life. Talking to others who can relate, or who are going through what you are going through can be helpful, but there may be times when you just want to be alone and not be bothered. That is okay as well. Just as long as the isolation doesn’t go on for too long. Support groups can be helpful as well. I just want to say it is okay to be sad, cry, want to be alone, lay in bed, stay home. It is okay to grieve, and you should take as long as you need to grieve, some grieve longer than others. We are all different and no one should tell you how, or how long to grieve. Now grieving is healthy, but there is a point when it can lead to depression. If the sadness persist for a long period of time, then that is when professional help is needed.

I put normal in quotations, because after a loss your life is never the same. It won’t be as normal as it was, but it will be close, and you may even learn something, and come out stronger from this experience.