Tag: #advice

Dealing With Disappointment

by Ana-Alicia

Life has its ups and downs. Things will not always go as expected. Expectations cultivate sadness, and disappointment when life doesn’t go as planned. Although articles mention the way to combat disappointment is to not have expectations. I find that a bit unrealistic, as expectations are part of our human nature. 

What you can do is take on those feelings of sadness and disappointment, and be aware that these feelings will eventually fade. Emotions never last. Take it on as a lesson that life doesn’t always go according to your plans. There will be hiccups, but there can always be lessons to be learned from it. If you think others disappoint you, remember that it is coming from your expectations of them, not from them. No one owes you anything. It is normal to expect things, but one must be aware that life is ever changing and unpredictable. This can help one deal with disruptions along the way.

Let Go of Control

by Ana-Alicia

We may be able to control some aspects of our lives, but mostly the universe takes most of the control. Life is unpredictable. Let go of the need to control everything. We can’t fix everything. We can’t change everything. Life is unfair. Bad things happen. Getting angry and upset does nothing for you. Put that energy in making positive changes for yourself and others. Let go a little bit. Life life. Enjoy the beauty it has to offer.

Having a plan for the day is great, setting an intention is also great. Expect the best, but leave room for changes. As someone who plans ahead, this can be hard, but I am also aware life is unpredictable, and things won’t always go according to plan. It helps alleviate the devastation of things not working out. Be prepared and be aware. Improvise and be creative, figure out ways to make the best of unpredictable situations.

Advice for the Week

by Ana-Alicia

Things may be overwhelming. You may be doing too much. There can be confusion, indecisiveness. Lack of boundaries. Lack of control. Focus and mental clarity is lost. There is Lack of clarity and honesty.

We can create storylines in our heads that distort reality. Step back, get focused, and seek truths. Take the steps to move forward, remember every little step counts. Try not to overwhelm yourself with too much.

There is a path to clarity. You just got to give yourself the space to see it. Take a break, breathe and gain some perspective.

Being hard on yourself, or getting upset at the situation won’t help. ‘Everything happens to you, not through you.’ The situation may suck, as life does at times, but remind yourself this will pass. Why me won’t help, but what can I do with this situation can.

It is all about finding that balance. Finding inner peace. Focus on what can bring you the inner peace you need to move forward. Find a way to step away, go out in nature, meditate, journal, or seek something/someone you enjoy.

Aesthetics of Joy

by Ana-Alicia

What brings you joy? What is joy? Joy is sparked by external sources. It is a wonderful feeling to experience, and shouldn’t be ignored. Although this feeling is short-term. I can help increase our happiness levels. There are plenty of outside sources that can help put a smile on our faces, and I think that is a wonderful thing. I just finished reading Joyful by Ingrid Fetell Lee. She talked about 10 sources of joy. I would like to discuss these sources, and share my thoughts on them.

Energy

Light, ripples in water, waves of the ocean, the sound of music/soothing sounds, rain, waterfalls, or feeling the breeze. All these things gives us joy. Colors makes us feel more joyful and safe. Just imagine a colorful house, or bright house, and how much joy you get from it. Being around bright colors can also make us feel safer. Having a bright window can improve mood, productivity and energy.

Abundance

We have this need to want more, to enjoy things in bunches. This made me think of my plant collection, or tarot/oracle collection. I prefer to have bunches of them, rather than just one, or two. I think about how I like to go in nature when there is more life, leaves, and color, rather than in the barren winter months. Looking at lots of colors is better than looking at one. This can also do with liking variety, and have different types of the same collection of things. You can take shoe collections, or book collections. We like lots of varieties of the things we enjoy. It helps heightens our senses. The differences brings excitement. The abundance of the same thing can be exciting as well, like glitter, polka dots, balloons, stripes, or confetti.

Freedom

She makes comparisons to nature, and our sense of freedom amongst nature. In the woods, jungles, beaches, or parks. She also equates it to leaving work. There is a sense of freedom leaving work on a Friday. Your weekend is free to mostly do the things you want, which creates a sense of freedom. We are free from the restrictions of work. Freedom can come from a change of scenery. Nature gives us a sense of freedom, because there can be so much to explore. It seems endless at times. It brings us back to our roots. It makes us feel at home.

Harmony

It doesn’t surprise me that harmony can spark joy. Balance is essential in life, so a preference and enjoyment of harmony makes sense. She compares harmony to the joy of seeing The Rockettes synchronizing kicks. This reminds me of a vegetable arrangement of color coordinated vegetables. It was pretty fun to see. It really caught my attention. The different color of veggies lined up together was pretty cool. We like connections, coordination of similar things. I think of the Kpop groups I like, seeing them dance in harmony is so exciting and joyful. Nothing like an arrangement of things organized together that adds a bit of joy and excitement to our day.

Play

We all like letting our inner child out from time to time. We find joy in going to amusement parks, playing games, playing sports, coloring, painting, going to the beach, or park. From childhood to adulthood. Play is an important aspect of our lives. It sparks joy. I think back to a time I went to a game place. I had a blast playing the games there, especially badminton. There is just something enjoyable about playing around, letting your inner child loose. When you think of a fun place to play. You can think of Disney. No matter what age. That place sparks joy. The rides, the characters, the entertainment. It is a great place to play.

Surprise

She discusses how the moment of surprise can spark joy. Surprise is a wonderful thing, because it can center us back in to the moment. Think of surprise parties, surprise engagements, or a gift. I remember the joy I felt when someone gave me a gift I didn’t expect. The same events tend to happen daily, so when something new pops up, it creates joy, only when it is a welcomed surprise though. Surprise can be doing something different or unconventional. I think of being surprised by deer’s, or other creatures on my walks, and how joyful that can be for me. We all like to spice things up a bit, surprise is a good tool to do so. We get stuck on familiarity, but maybe adding a little surprise to our day can help spark a bit of joy in our lives.

Transcendence

Seeing balloons in the air, or a hot air balloon, or going on a hot air balloon ride, or watching the sunrise. There is something about seeing things go up, or one being in the air. I enjoy spending my mornings at the beach watching the sunrise. I take at least one day to do so. We find joy in seeing birds in the air, wondering what it would be like to do so ourselves. There is something about going above. It helps one gain perspective, and see the world from a different view. Although, I am no fan of planes. It is quite an experience to see the city from above. Joy and happiness tend to associated with upwards movement. Feeling up, uplifted, high spirits, high energy, or being on cloud 9. While sadness and misery are associated downwards. Feeling low or down, low energy, or hitting rock bottom. The sky is the limit. There is so much potential from above that sparks joy in our hearts. Being above, going higher can allow us to see the big picture, and appreciate things from below more.

Magic

Magic shows incite excitement and joy for people. Magic creates more possibilities. It creates more meaning. It is also something different out of the mundane ordinary life that passes by us daily. Santa clause, the tooth fairy, Easter bunny excites children. Movies like Harry Potter excite people of all ages. Even as we grow older the thrill of magic excites us. I think of tarot cards bringing excitement and joy to my life. There is a sense of magic when reading cards. As we get older, we get a bit more realistic, but mystery and possibilities of things still stick with us. She talks about the Aurora lights, although there is a scientific reasoning to it, it still seems magical to experience. You can say the same for a rainbow. The excitement seeing a rainbow brings. Magic incites curiosity, creativity, insight and discovery. Things out of the ordinary showcases there is a possibility for more, and that excites us.

Celebration

Coming together with others, communicating, dancing, laughing, and eating together. We as humans enjoy coming together with our loved ones. Birthdays, holidays, wedding, anniversaries, baby showers etc,. They all spark joy, although the preparation can be stressful. The actual event is quite fun. The cake, food, drinks, decorations, music, people. All of these things together spark joy. Nothing like being around the people you care about, and celebrating great moments together. We also enjoy celebrating are own moments. Promotions, awards, a new job, or home. We find ways to celebrate for those things as well. Celebrations have been part of society, since the early historic days, and it stays with us to this day.

Renewal

I find the beginnings of a new season to be the most joyful, and most exciting. She mentions the excitement of the first snowfall, or a flower blooming. I find excitement seeing the leaves turn colors in Autumn. I also enjoy seeing the leaves on trees become full in Spring, and seeing more green around me. I remember being really excited to start my new job, although there was some anxiety, it was mostly excitement. It feels great to start anew. A new home, a new job, the birth of a first child, a marriage beginning. The possibilities excite us. Transitions and beginnings can spark joy and excitement.

These are the 10 aesthetics of joy. I quite agree with this list, and think all spark joy in my life. Which one resonated with you most? I really enjoyed reading this one, and discussing it. I think it is important to always find joys throughout your days, even if it is minimal. Applying any of things, or being mindful of these things can help bring a little more joy and spark to your daily life. I also recommend picking up this book as she discusses much more in the book, and shares more examples.

Getting Out Of Comfort Zone(Experience Life)

by Ana-Alicia

I recently went to D.C on my own. Although it can be scary going to places on your own. It is better to face whatever fears you have. I ended up having a really great experience. I was able to explore more of the city, and see a museum. I now plan on going again later this year to explore more places there. I spent most of my winter days at home, so I felt I needed a change of pace.

I also recently went to a Birthday celebration for my friend. I was nervous/anxious to go, because there would be others there I am not familiar with. I decided to go regardless of my fears, one for my friend, and the other reason was just to do something I don’t normally do, and just live. I ended up having a blast, and enjoying the company of all the people there. It is important to experience life, have fun, and do new things. You will most likely not regret it, and end up having more fun, than you thought. You will also make some great experiences. Try not to let your fears stop you from living life, and gaining new experiences.

Balance is Key

by Ana-Alicia

It is important to remember that life is about balance. The yin and the yang, the dark and light, night and day, the good and bad, positive and negatives. All are a part of life. The all or nothing, black and white thinking isn’t good for our mental health.

Life is filled with good and bad moments. The good makes you feel happiness, comfort and peace. The bad ones cultivate creativity, strength, resilience and lessons. You will have high and low emotions. The high emotions bring us comfort, and they are enjoyable. The lows can tell us about ourselves, others, and can teach us valuable lessons.

Being productive helps you reach your goals and achieve your dreams, but there will be times when you need to relax and do nothing. We are humans, not machines. Give yourself permission to be human. We can’t always be on the go.

Too much of anything, or too little isn’t good for us. We need balance. Eating whole foods is great, but indulging in processed/sugary foods isn’t the end of the world, if there is balance. Minimalism is a great concept, but you can also miss out on some of the wonderful things and creations humans created to make life for us more convenient. Indulging in too many things can also not be the best thing to do. It disconnects you from what is truly important, and valuable to you. Once again, balance is important to remember.

Life is about ups and downs, twist and turns, as I have mentioned, a rollercoaster. Life will not always be smooth, and it will not always be bad. We got to learn to embrace all the things life has to offer. We may not want it, but reality doesn’t care what you want, so accepting balance is what can set you free. Balance is important for our survival. We may not like the low moments in life, but those are the times that mostly spark inspiration, creation and motivation. At the moment it sucks, but beauty can come out of it eventually.

Carving your own path(self-care journey)

by Ana-Alicia

As we look to others for guidance on self-care, motivational tips, or self help tips. It is important to know looking within ourselves and experiencing things for ourselves will be the major factor in helping oneself achieve their goals, find peace of mind and evolve as an individual. We can consume as much self-help content as we like, but our own journey is what really teach us the lessons we need to learn in life.

I consume many self-help vlogs, podcasts and books for inspiration and creativity. I do find I learn the best from my own experiences through trial and error by finding ways that work best for me. Taking action is how I learn and evolve. Consuming can only get you so far.

We are all different individuals, so there isn’t one size fits all self-care tips. What works for one individual, may not work for another. This is a continues journey, so people’s opinions on things change as they continue through their journey. I know mine has. It is a natural process on our journey through life.

It is important not to follow guidance step by step, word for word, tip for tip. They are a guide, a footprint, a baseline. Take in what works for you. In the end, it is up to you to figure out ways that helps improve your well being. Also, majority of these things are recycled again and again, just worded differently through the perspective of the person giving out the advice.

Take others advice, including mine with a grain of salt. What works for them, may not work for you. Different environments, different personalities, different lifestyles affect what works for an individual. Take in what you can, and create elements that can work for you. All in all, the journey to improving your life starts with you, and your willingness to take actions. Others may help, but your work is what truly matters.

treat yourself first

by Ana-Alicia

Self-love, respect and acceptance are important in life. When you value and respect yourself. Others will do the same. If you don’t, you will allow others to disrespect you. When you see yourself as unworthy. It becomes easier to make excuses for others treating you like crap, because you feel/think you are not worthy of their respect.

It is important to be comfortable being you true self around others. We shouldn’t tiptoe around everyone’s opinion of us. People will have their opinion’s regardless, and even if you try to please others. People may see you as a pushover, or a people pleaser. How people see you is out of your control. How you express yourself is in your control, so it is better to focus on working on yourself. It creates less stress and anxiety freeing yourself from the control of others opinions.

Yes, it is nice to be liked, but the freedom and peace you get from accepting people who don’t like you is rewarding in itself. Honestly if you are a person who values oneself, but treats others with value. It would be hard for anyone to dislike you. If a person doesn’t like you for being yourself, and standing up for yourself, than do you really need that person liking you?

A person not liking you is their problem, as long as you are not intentionally trying to hurt someone, but also in that case. It is still up to the individual in how they handle that situation. We can’t control a lot in life, but we should try to learn to control the little things we can.

You know your worth. You know there are others who appreciate, and love you for being you. There is a line between self-love and narcissism. Narcissism is solely trying to please yourself. Self-love is about putting yourself first, which allows you to spread that love towards others. Self-love is essential to living more peacefully, and for our mental well-being. Accepting who you are and knowing your worth. You learn to respect and love yourself and others, and by doing so, you get the same in return, because you wouldn’t be able to take someone else’s crap. You won’t allow anyone to disrespect your boundaries, and you learn to stay true to oneself, because you believe in yourself and your values. When you are true to yourself. You are able to connect with like-minded individuals, which allows you to build deeper connections.

There are plenty of times I said no, and didn’t go to parties I didn’t want to go. It isn’t being rude. I need my solitude, and prefer meeting up with one or two people. I also hate parties. You learn what you like, and go with that, and what you don’t, remove yourself from it. There may be times to make compromises, but it shouldn’t be an all time thing. Your needs should be met first, then that gives you the opportunity to meet the needs of others. Treating yourself is important for oneself, but also for others around you. Knowing yourself makes connections with others less stressful and confusing, because clear boundaries are set. Knowing who are, and your worth gives you the opportunity to learn more about others and their value.

Comparisons/Jealousy

by Ana-Alicia

This tends to hit us when we focus on just the positives of others lives, and focus on the things they have that we are missing. We want that part of their lives we don’t have. We see the grass greener on their side. But is it really?

We forget that others have their drawbacks as well. Everything in life has its pros and cons. All of us as individuals are blessed with things others don’t have. If you dig deeper. You realize you have something they don’t have. You recognize that their life isn’t all that great as a whole. It is just that aspect of comparison/jealousy that seems better. Things in life isn’t all great or all bad. There are good and bad aspects.

Reflect and appreciate what you do have. Learn from the things you don’t have, and if you really want it, work for it, don’t dwell, and make a change. Your life has just as much value as any other individual. You just got to believe it, and take action. We all have value. We all have positive aspects to our lives. We also all have downfalls and drawbacks. Rather than just focusing on yours and making comparisons. Remember that other people’s lives isn’t as perfect as you think, and that they have drawbacks and insecurities as well. Remind yourself that you have things to be proud of, and appreciative of as well.

Mindfulness and Judging

by Ana-Alicia

With mindfulness practice we should try to limit judgment of ourselves, others, and the world around us. I have gotten better at not judging myself, and the world, but it still has been difficult not judging others. I recognize that judgment of others is more a reflection of myself, than others.

With mindfulness I have been able to become aware of when I judge others. It starts with awareness. After that, I reflect on why I am making this judgment. It is to compare?, to compete?, to feel superior?, or is it that they don’t fit my standard? It could be all of these things. Remember that the person you are judging has no clue you are doing it, so how productive can it be?

Judging others puts a negative stain on the person judging. It fuels hatred, jealousy, bitterness, and anger. Why do I need to create these emotions when I don’t have to. We can’t stop ourselves from judging. It is an innate human quality, but we can control how much and how long it consumes our lives. Become aware, reflect, learn and move forward. No use in dwelling over something you can’t change, and if you can, say something and take action in a positive and productive way.