Positive Self-Talk

“Positive self talk isn’t about knowing all the answers or thinking you’re amazing, it’s simply about reframing how you view things, removing negative bias, and approaching life with the idea that you can tackle things – and even if it doesn’t go perfectly – you’ll learn from it for next time”(positivepsychology.com).

I was watching a video from this amazing vlogger Psychologist Julia Kristina Counselling (if you like motivational/self help videos, please look into her.). She mentioned something about positive self talk. I just wanted to post something about it, because I think it is very important what we say or think to ourselves. Having a more positive self-talk can allow us to be more compassionate, accepting, and appreciative of ourselves. It can allow you to learn and accept your flaws, rather than using it against yourself. It can allow you to be more confident, and more willing to take on challenges and accept failures. It can also allow you to push ourselves to success and to reach our goals.

In an article What is Positive Self-Talk? (Incl. Examples) by PositvePsychology.com. They mention some interesting things about negative and positive self talk that I like to put here for some perspective.

Negative Self-Talk

“Our patterns of self-talk are all too often negative – we focus on preconceived ideas that we’re ‘not good enough’ or ‘always a failure’ or ‘can’t do anything right’. Our brains are hardwired to remember negative experiences over positive ones, so we recall the times we didn’t quite get it right more than the times we do. We then replay these messages in our minds, fuelling negative feelings (Jantz, 2016).” Negative self-talk focuses on our flaws and weaknesses and doesn’t accept less than perfect results. Failures and mistakes are unacceptable. We beat ourselves down if it happens.

Positive Self-Talk

“Positive self-talk, as you may have guessed, is the flip of negative self-talk. It’s not about narcissism, or deceiving ourselves into thinking things that are inaccurate. It’s more about showing yourself some self-compassion and understanding for who you are and what you’ve been through (Jantz, 2019).”

“Positive self-talk sees our internal narrative switching to ideas like ‘I can do better next time’ or ‘I choose to learn from my mistakes, not be held back by them’.” Positive self-talk allows you to focus on the good qualities and strengths of oneself and learning to accept and be kind to yourself if mistakes or failure happens. It lifts you up and allows you to stand up against challenges.

Reminder that our thoughts are not based on facts, they are perceived. We tend to become what we think. If we see ourselves in a positive light we can gain much from this. We can build from it. We can become better individuals. We can learn to take on whatever challenges come our way. If you see yourself in a negative way. You can self sabotage, remain stuck, and never move forward and grow. There is no learning from this state. It is much easier being negative towards oneself, but easier isn’t always better for us, and our well being and happiness. Taking steps to have more positive thoughts about oneself can allow you to be the person you want to be, allow you to reach your goals, find success, have more happy days, rather than sad ones, move forward much quicker, and have peace of mind. You can’t really argue against that right?

Positive Self-Talk - The Pathway 2 Success

Source:https://positivepsychology.com/positive-self-talk/#:~:text=Positive%20self%2Dtalk%20isn’t,from%20it%20for%20next%20time.

You Are Your Thoughts and Actions

What I mean by the title is you have control of your thoughts, mindset and actions. We tend to forget this or not be aware of it, but this is important to know for your well being and peace of mind. There are things out of our control, feelings, emotions, the environment, others, the world/universe. We shouldn’t focus our energy trying to change those things, or pushing them away. Focus on your thoughts and actions, what are they doing for you, are they helping you, can things be changed to benefit you. That should be your focus. Your thoughts and actions make you who you are. Just remember you are in control of that. I hope you all try to make the best of the week. Do what you can to bring joy, happiness and peace to your life.

My Little Joys

I have gotten obsessed with buying plants recently. I bought about 15 so far. I just wanted to brighten my room and environment with these little guys. Work has been exhausting, frustrating and overwhelming lately, so I wanted to bring some joy to my life to lift me up. It also helps keep me in the present moment having to watch over and take care of them, which is nice. Most are doing well, some need a little work, but I am enjoying the process of being a plant owner. It is really lovely having them around you. Whatever it takes to lift your spirits up, big or small. Do whatever it takes to bring joy, happiness and excitement to your life. We all must find ways to get through the storm at the moment. Have a lovely day. I hope your day, weeks and months get brighter.

Overcoming Adversity

Dealing with difficulties, struggles and problems in life is part of our journey. We don’t enjoy it, but it is part of our life cycle. With mindfulness practice, you learn not to fight it, but cope with it. Being aware and accepting the reality of the instability and unpredictability of our world can help one cope with adversity better. It will still hurt and shock you, but a little awareness and preparation can help buffer the process.

Accidents, illnesses, losing loved ones etc,. It is possible and most likely we will deal with something that shatters our world and beliefs. It can either destroy you, or make you stronger. It is all in what mindset you choose to go with. You may not see it, but it is your choice in how you cope with it. You can blame others and the world. Would it help? Not really. It would just exacerbate negativity and won’t help you move forward. It will just keep you stuck.

Taking on adversity can help cultivate courage, strength, resilience, confidence, and it can inspire one to make changes and help others. It could also make someone more creative. You can turn it against you, or use it to aid your self-growth. You can you use it to bring you down, or lift you up. You can’t control the circumstances, but you can take control in how you handle those circumstances. Rather then confront it with why me’s?, blaming, hate, self-pity, and focusing on the unfairness of it all. Yes, life is unfair unfortunately. Remember this doesn’t help you at all. Try something more useful for oneself. You can use it to learn, grow and become much stronger.

“Of course, since we are human, it is very easy to get caught up in the self pity, unfairness of life, or ‘why me?’ traps. When we do, we fail to recognize the opportunities for wisdom and growth that accompany adversity. However, as soon we allow ourselves to think more clearly, we are able to let go of self-defeating and unproductive thoughts and get down to the business of dealing with what’s before us.”(Essential Life Skills.net). Yes, we are human, so we will fall into that trap of negativity, but we can learn to step away from it much sooner with healthier coping strategies.

Adversity is a way for you to grow, learn, build character, gain strength, inspire others, help others and create new meaning in life. It isn’t the end of something, but a new beginning to something else. Life isn’t fair, it isn’t perfect, it isn’t predictable. We will all have to deal with something we think we can’t handle, but once you are faced with it. You may be surprised with what you can handle. You always have the choice to cope, thrive and move forward, or sink, wallow in despair, and stay stuck in negativity. Life makes choices for us, but it doesn’t make all the choices. You have the choice in how you deal with that adversity. Down below are some things you can do to help aid you when dealing with adversity.

Some ways to cope with adversity:

  • Having a good support system
  • Talking with others
  • Surround yourself with positive people
  • Be aware and accept the reality
  • Be creative
  • Help others
  • Work on your inner self

Source:https://www.essentiallifeskills.net/overcoming-adversity.html

Embrace All Emotional States

We will not always feel positive emotions. Feelings of happiness, joyfulness, productivity, energy, creativity, inspiration are great, but you will not always have these feelings. You will feel unmotivated, lethargic, uncreative, sad, melancholic, unproductive etc,. We don’t enjoy these feelings so much. We should learn to embrace all the emotions that arise in us. They are part of us. They are part of living. We should remember to be kind to ourselves when we feel this way. You shouldn’t feel guilt or shame for having these very normal feelings.Try not to force yourself out of these emotions. It just ends up making you feel worse. Try to let the emotions ride through. They are there for a reason. We shouldn’t deny what is there. Take it in and learn from it.

Right now my creativity and motivation is at a low. My mind must be exhausted from all the creative energy I had a couple weeks ago. My mind needs rest. I accept my emotions for what it is right now. Now I still push myself to do some things, nothing too much, but something small, so that I don’t feel useless or lazy. Even during these times, it is important to still work on your well-being. It doesn’t have to be anything grand, small things are better than nothing. During these times I still try to be a bit productive for the well being of my mind and body. I just try not to push myself too hard. It is okay to rest and relax. Creativity and motivation come and go. All emotions come and go. Awareness of that can go along way with coping with emotions that may create discomfort.

Doing some self- reflection can help you resolve your emotions. I try to journal my thoughts and feelings. It usually helps me come to an understanding, which makes it easier to accept, or maybe at the moment there isn’t an answer, and you just go with it. Answers aren’t always there. Being able to cope with all the highs and lows of your emotions can help build strength and peace of mind.

We should remind ourselves we are human. We will not always be at 100%. We will not always be productive, motivated, inspired, happy etc,. There will be times you don’t want to do anything, but do mindless things. Maybe that is your mind and body telling you to relax and calm down.You should listen to it. There is nothing wrong with some down time. This can be a problem if it is persistent, and last months, and hinders your self-growth/well-being, but every once in awhile it is totally normal to feel these emotions. We all need a break at times.

Our emotions are like waves or a rollercoaster. They go up and down, it may spins us around. They take us for a ride. We just got to remember to just flow with it. And you will be able to get through it smoothly and peacefully. Resistance, guilt, shaming are not the answers. You can always grow and learn from the lows, build from it. As I always say, enjoy the highs and embrace the lows. Take it all in. Some say, if you are not able to embrace the lows. You will not be able to appreciate the highs, and I agree. If you can’t appreciate the highs, what is life really?

Getting Through the Storm

There will be difficult times in your life. Times when it is hard to see the good and be positive. As much as I love positive vibes. We can’t have that mindset all the times. Sometimes situations just suck, but being able to bare through, and accept the situation takes a good mindset and strength. It is easy to fall into the negativity trap, and it will seep through. It is normal. Are minds are set to see the negative. That is fine to allow some negative thoughts in. It is only a problem for our well-being when it is consumed too much.

I had a tough week at work. It was a struggle to remain positive. I decided to just accept what is, and tried to keep thinking that the weekend will come soon, and I can relax again and recharge. I didn’t want to consume myself with too much negativity, so I tried some things to calm my mind and find some inner peace.

Getting up in the morning was tough, but once I was up. I tried some meditation to calm my thoughts for the upcoming work day. I also did some journaling to get my thoughts out and face my emotions. I sometimes just sat in my living room. I really enjoy just sitting in my living room. i like the space and peace of it. I just sat there immersing myself in the moment, in the scenery, and my surroundings. Just sifting through my thoughts and emotions. I also spent some time watching Kpop content, although I don’t like to consume myself with it too much. There are times when I watch it to bring me joy. The content brings me happiness and laughter, and at times like these you need to find the little things that bring a smile to your face.

Another thing you can do to get through it is talk to others. I like venting my thoughts and feeling to my coworkers who are in the same boat as me. The empathy and understanding comes along way to healing. There is something very therapeutic about talking to others and having someone empathize with your words and feelings. Now remember venting is healthy, but constant complaining can get be a bit much and create negativity in your life and others. Complaining won’t get you anywhere. Let your thoughts and feelings out, get some relief, and then move forward. You got to find peace from within yourself.

I took a nice walk this Saturday, which was also very calming and joyful for me. I also spent time with family communicating and connecting which was nice. That is also a good way to get your spirits up. I am now enjoying a nice relaxing day of productive writing. I can use this day to relax and recharge myself before the storm hits again in the new work week.

I accept that work will be challenging, until we get more people. Long days, lots of work. It is what it is. If I want change, I can make changes. If I don’t want to make physical changes, than I must try to change my mindset. There will be times when you are unhappy, annoyed, angry, frustrated. I must remind myself that it is okay to feel these emotions, but I must remember to take a step back, take deep breaths, and let things flow. Embrace the little joys and times of peace.The storm will pass eventually. You just got to build strength to take in these difficult times. See some positive. I at least get the weekend to relax and enjoy the things I like to do. I will get through this. You will get through this. Just keep moving forward.

Things you can do to help get through the storm:

  • Journal
  • Take nature walks
  • Take deep breaths
  • Face thoughts and emotions
  • Connect with others
  • Communicate with others
  • Find little joys
  • Find laughter
  • Create something
  • Make changes
  • Adapt
  • Accept

Coping With Loss

Loss is a tough subject to discuss. It is a subject we like to avoid at all cost. The problem is that it is unavoidable. We will all deal with loss in our lifetime. Avoiding the subject may be our safety net. It gives us comfort and keeps us at ease. But avoiding isn’t always the best solution. Life is unpredictable and we should expect that loss is inevitable. People may think this is a grim way of looking at life, but it isn’t. It is about accepting the reality. Acceptance brings peace of mind and freedom. It will allow an individual to cope, manage loss, and the grieving process will be much easier. It will still be painful. Loss comes with pain. It will just be easier to deal with being able to face the dark reality of life.

I am talking about this heavy subject, because a coworker of mine lost a close friend recently, and discussed his concerns to me about it. He even witnessed it in person. When he was explaining what happened. I felt a lot of empathy and sorrow for him. It is tough knowing what to say in those situations. I am sorry seems so simplistic, but sometimes that is all you can say. We may even say things that can be hurtful to the individual, because we think these words are helpful, or we just don’t know what to say. The one thing you can do as an individual is be there and listen.

As he was telling me his story, he felt said he felt guilt for not doing more to save him. This is a very normal reaction to witnessing a death. Guilt is one emotion that will most likely be felt, during the grieving process. It is understandable, but as I reminded him that at the moment you can only do all you can do. It is a stressful environment and it can be hard to think logically in that type of environment. The best thing you can do for yourself is be kind and compassionate towards oneself, during grief. An individual is dealing with enough, during that time. You don’t want to add self-blame to the mix.

Sadness, sorrow, and even depression will be felt, during the process of grief. It is okay to feel these emotions. It is best to not mask it with external means(alcohol, drugs, food). We need to endure the pain and sadness, so that we can move forward and accept.

It does get better, but one must go through the pain of loss. Talking to others who understand can be very helpful. Be it family, friends, support groups, people who dealt with loss as well can be comforting. I gave him as much comfort as I can, but having someone there to listen can be enough. If there is no one there to listen, than journaling can be another outlet to get your feelings out there. Also crying, screaming, or just taking some time off to just grieve is perfectly okay. If you want to stay in bed and not do anything, that is okay as well. No one should feel ashamed of grieving or sadness. There is no quick fix or happy pill. We all have our own journey through the grieving process, some take longer than others. There is no timetable to grieving. You get through when you are ready, no one else should define that for you.

Not just a loss of someone can create discomfort, but a loss of a job, home, financial security, divorce, and accident(cultivating a loss of an ability to walk/see etc,.). We need to be aware that loss is part of life. It is better to be aware and prepared as much as you can, because the unavoidable will happen. Preparation and awareness can help you heal and find peace much sooner. It will still hurt, but it won’t be as devastating to your well-being if one chooses to avoid the subject.

Understanding & Coping with Loss and Trauma | Dr. Christina Hibbert

You Have Power(Little Reminder)

Just here to send you a reminder that when it comes to your influences, daily habits and decisions. It is up to you what you will do with those things. I like to remind you that you are in control of those aspects of your life. Others can’t make decisions for you. Others cant make you do things you don’t want to. It may be easier to blame the world and others, but it doesn’t help solve anything. Others and the world may make things difficult at times, but in the end it is up to you how you handle those situations. Things aren’t hopeless. You can make things happen. You can make changes.

Give yourself the power. Give yourself strength. If you make good decisions. You can pat yourself on the back and be proud. If not, you can accept the mistake(no self-blaming), learn and keep moving. No one is perfect. It will happen. At least the mistake came from you and not others influences. I just want to remind you that no one has power over you, unless you allow them. Building a healthy mindset and foundation. Also self-love and acceptance can help you become aware of your power, and give you the ability to use it wisely.

Understanding Your Emotions

How I am feeling? This is something you should try to ask yourself as often as you can. Asking this question is a great tool to become more aware and understanding of your emotions. Not being able to be mindful of your emotions can create confusion, frustration and negativity. The ability to immerse ourselves in our emotions can allow us to understand the why of the feeling. This can then help you work through and resolve the emotions, and this can allow you to move on.

We live in a society that has taught us to push away feeling that creates discomfort. That shouldn’t be the case. We should learn to embrace both types of emotions. Now emotions aren’t innately good or bad, positive or negative. We associate these good or bad qualities to these emotions with how they make us feel, it is perceived. Good/positive emotions make us feel comfortable, at ease. Bad/negative emotions gives us discomfort,they makes us feel like crap. Both emotions should be embraced by us. The emotions that we perceive as good/positive bring us peace, joy and happiness. The emotions that bring discomfort teach us lessons, challenges us, and help us evolve. Both are needed.

Emotions are part of being human. They are unavoidable. They are part of we are. This is why it is important to check in with yourself and see how you are feeling. Be mindful of them and try not to push them aside. Immerse in it, understand it. Accept it part of your life. Avoiding the feeling will just exacerbate it, but actually feeling it will give it less power, and gives you the chance to resolve why you felt the way you did. Feeling it creates clarity and peace of mind.

Some ways to help you get in tune with your emotions are:

  • Journaling
  • Taking mindful breaks
  • Take deep breaths when you are feeling an emotion that creates discomfort
  • Daily or weekly emotion check in logs

Learning the why’s of your emotions can help you resolve the thoughts, feelings and behaviors one gets from these emotions. It allows one to cope with challenges and struggles much better. It can help you bounce back from negative emotions much faster. Emotions come and go. They are not you. They do not define you. Just ride the wave of emotions, the good, the bad, and the in between. Allow it to flow through you and keep moving forward. The only way you can do this is by understanding and accepting the emotion. If you don’t understand at the moment, that is okay, it will come eventually. So how am I feeling? Am I…

Positive/Good emotions:

  • Excited
  • Energized
  • Joyful
  • Happy
  • Grateful
  • Appreciative
  • Confident
  • Motivated
  • Inspired
  • Refreshed

Negative/Bad emotions:

  • Tense
  • Lethargic
  • Sad
  • Angry
  • Anxious
  • Somber
  • Worried
  • Guilty
  • Lonely
  • Fear

Neutral emotions

  • Content
  • Satisfied
  • Relaxed
  • Nonchalant
  • Tired

What are you feeling? There are many emotions to feel. Getting in touch with all the emotions one feels. Helps us to understand ourselves much more. Which ones do I feel more? Why do I feel this emotion? Do I feel more positive or negative ones? Why does it cause me discomfort? How can I cope? Checking in with your emotions more often can help you answer these questions and more. Don’t be afraid of your emotions. They are there to guide you, and to help you understand yourself and the world around you.

Focus Your Energy on Things That Aid Growth

If it is being creative, or being productive, if it is focusing on your mental and physical health. Watching and reading inspirational things, or watching and reading things that make you think. Just think, is the thing I am doing benefiting me in any way. If it is, keep doing it, if it is not, try to step away.

SNS may fill a void and be distracting, but it doesn’t fill it for long, and may make things worse. The void won’t be fulfilled by distractions. It can most likely be filled by silence, creativity and knowledge. I realize how much time is wasted on scrolling.

Recently I have been focusing my energy on things that can help me evolve and learn. What can I gain from this experience? How can I grow? What can I learn? How does this benefit me? Are the questions I ask myself when it pertains to the things I do.

I have been looking into clean eating recently. I am always looking into eating better. I also watched a couple of minimalism videos, and other self-growth videos to make me think and figure out ways to live better and have a more fulfilling life. I have also been looking at some others videos about things in general to get me thinking and gain new knowledge about the world. I also continue to find time to write things for my book.

Although, I do scroll occasionally(it is not as interesting anymore now that I stepped away from it more often). And I do love my kpop. These things don’t pervade my life as much anymore, due to my awareness of how wasteful it can be. These things don’t enable my self-growth. They can be enjoyable, but should only be indulged every so often. There may be things in your life that may be stalling your growth and development. Whatever it is. Finding ways to put your energy away from those things and on to things that can help you grow is key. This is the only way to get to where you want to be, or get the things you want in life.

Creativity, positivity, knowledge and inspiration have been flowing through me the past two weeks. And this is due to my more mindful approach to life, and making more use of my time that benefits my self-growth. There is so much, we as individuals, can learn from out there. There is so much we can do. Putting effort into these things is what makes or breaks us. Falling into distractions is easy, and we will continue to fall into them from time to time. We just got to learn to do it less often. I definitely do, and will continue to strive to do things that aid my self-growth, and reach my goals.