We will go through phases in our life journey. We will have phases of motivation, creativity and productivity. We will also have phases of laziness, unproductivity, lack of motivation, or creativity. We can’t be on at all times. It is okay to have lazy days. Don’t beat yourself up over it. I can get caught up in mindless activities from time to time, and not be as mindful as I usually can be. That is okay. As long as you always find your way back. Even during those times, you can always try to find a bit of time for mindfulness, or take baby actions towards some type of productive work, so you don’t feel completely unaccomplished, or lazy.
Just remember that these phases will always happen, and there is nothing wrong with some lazy time. That time is just preparing you for some more creativity. It is giving you the rest to become more productive in the future. Phases are all art of the human experience. Learn to ride along with it, rather than fight against it. You will eventually get back on track. Accept all that comes your way. Learn from the low phases. Give yourself a rest. Enjoy some mindless activities. This will give you the energy to get back on track to the high phases.
I really love this passage in my mindfulness book. This is a nice little reminder to appreciate yourself. You are precious. You are unique. You are strong. You have been through struggles, but you made it through. Be proud of yourself. Be kind to yourself. You deserve happiness. You deserve love. You deserve the joys of life. Treat yourself and others with respect. We are all precious in our own ways. We all bring something to this world. You may not see it, but it is there. I hope you can take a moment to truly appreciate your life on Earth. Remember to be mindful, and take care of your mental health, so you can truly see the beauty in you.
P.S Forgive my sloppy writing on top. I like to write my own little notes to the passages in the book.
Whatever can spark joy and happiness in your life, however small it is, look for ways to implement them into your daily life. I think it is important to find joy and peace in life however way you possibly can.
As I mention in other posts, work has been a struggle lately. I am exhausted, tired and overwhelmed from work. I don’t always look forward to going, or look forward to the work day weeks. I also don’t want these feelings about work to spill into my everyday life, the times I am away from work. I don’t want negative thoughts and feelings to pervade my life, so I try to find ways to bring some enjoyment to my life.
One thing I enjoy is drinking a cup of Dunkin coffee before work. Coffee gives me energy. It also puts me in a better mood. This helps get me through the work day, and actually makes me look forward to Mondays and Fridays(those are the days I get coffee). It is a nice little treat before work. Any little thing that can bring happiness is all that matters.
I also have been into buying plants. I truly enjoy having them around my room. Just looking at them, brings me joy. I usually go to a plant nursery on Saturdays to pick new ones out. I really enjoy just looking around seeing all the pretty plants around me, and picking the ones that I like. I truly enjoy being surrounded by plants at home. Coming home after an exhausting day to my lovely plants is something that brings life back to me.
One thing that helps keep me at peace is doing meditation before going to work. I try to do a session to calm my mind and body, before I head into the craziness of work. It definitely helps calm me down more. It helps me handle the stressors of work much better. I still get stressed, but not as stressed if I didn’t meditate. It also puts me in a more positive, happier mood going into work. As I mention in my last post, I also try to take deep breaths whenever I feel overwhelmed as well. This also helps.
Some things in life can be stressful and difficult, but not everything in life is that way. There will be times of joy and peace that you can embrace and enjoy when it arrives. It is all about making the time to do so. Be in the moment. We allow our minds to be preoccupied with the bad parts of our lives. We forget to take time to enjoy the good moments.
I work majority of the time. We spend most of our time at work. I get how being at a job you don’t enjoy can be a bummer, but we can’t allow our feelings towards work, or any difficult part in our lives pervade our mind into a negative place. Now I actually don’t dislike my job. It just gets overwhelming. All jobs have stressful parts to it. If you don’t enjoy your work, than it may be time to get out of your comfort zone, and look else where, because as I mentioned, your job makes up most of your life. It can be hard to enjoy life, if you don’t enjoy what you do.
We should try to strive to find joy and peace in life when we can. It is important for our mental health and well-being. It can be something little, something big, or in between. Just find something that can lift you up, and help keep you in the moment. To appreciate and embrace the joys and peaceful moments in life.
Years go by fast, months go by fast, weeks go by fast, and so do days. We are already near the new year. We try to rush by the days(I do this as well), but maybe we can use everyday to find some joy and peace in it. Maybe we can learn from the difficulties of that day as well. We should learn to embrace each day, and take the moments of that day in as much as we can, because sooner, rather than later, the years will have passed by and you truly haven’t lived, or enjoyed life as much as you wanted. Be mindful of the moments in life. Enjoy, find peace, and live as fully as you can.
I read this yesterday in my mindfulness book. This passage really resonated with me. Work has been frustrating, exhausting, and annoying these past couple day. It is very easy for me to fall into a negative state.
With practicing mindfulness, I have been able to be aware of my emotions, thoughts, feelings and actions in the moment. I realized these feelings of annoyance and frustration will pass. The day will eventually end, and I will feel better. I decided to take deep breaths every once in awhile. I also took breaks, and told myself to take things step by step, and not do too much. I accepted that the work day will suck. Some moments suck in life. There is no perfection in life. You will get good and bad moments, and moments in between.
All of this really helped me stay grounded and sane. I still felt annoyed, but I did my best to stay as calm and relaxed as I can. I did my best not to take my anger out on others(I did have a bit of an attitude, it happens, I am human, I am not perfect), because these feelings are mine, and it is not anyone else’s fault. I will still able to engage and laugh with my coworkers as much as I could, which I probably wouldn’t have been able to do before.
I realize negative emotions will arise every once in awhile. I can’t stop that. We can’t control our feelings. I do realize we can control how we deal with it. It was a tough day. It sucked. There will be bad days. We just got to try our best to manage those bad days in a calmer and more mindful manner. Just remember it will pass. It is okay to give in to emotions. Just be mindful, take deep breaths, take breaks, and be conscious of your actions.
Doing all this can help reduce the amount of negative emotions one feels at the moment. You can go from being very annoyed and lashing out on others, to just annoyed and coping with it, to just slightly annoyed with a bit of mindful practice. But also, don’t beat yourself up if you give in to these emotions and lash out. You are human. Be kind to yourself, but also remember to be kind to others. Just continue to work on improving how you cope with negative emotions and bad moments in life.
It has been so long, since I had a mindful morning to focus on myself. I just wanted to talk about my mindful morning, and how having these mindful mornings can be very relaxing, therapeutic and peaceful for oneself.
I woke up around 6:30 A.M. It was still dark outside. I truly enjoy waking up, before the sun rises. There is something so peaceful about being up at that time. It feels like a nice head start to the day. I took that time to check my plants and water them. I always enjoy doing that. Then I decided to do my weekly grocery shopping. I like to go early, before it gets too packed. I like my peace.
Once I go home, I wrote my next blog entry. After that, I decided to read my mindful morning book. It has been forever, since I read that. I was happy to read it again, because it gives me reminders of how to live mindfully, and it also sparks some inspiration.
After that, I did some meditation. It is always hard for me to do meditation, so I am happy I have an app that I now can log in my meditation sessions. I put to do one a day, so now this motivates me to do a session, it gives me accountability. I have now been able to keep up with it. I enjoy meditating, but getting into the habit of doing it has been my struggle. I think this app accountability will help.
After gaining clarity from that session. I decided to journal and write my thoughts for the morning. It was nice to get my thoughts out there. I always feel better writing my thoughts down on paper. It is really relaxing and therapeutic.
Once I finished that, I decided to put my headphones on and listen to some music. I have been wanting to practice my voice for awhile. I don’t use it enough anymore, and I like to sing how I used to, so I sang some tunes, while listening to it. I liked being able to work on my vocals, while listening to some great music. I really need to do this practice everyday. After that, I did some searching for some new material for my next blog post.
All in all, this was a very relaxing and productive morning. I absolutely enjoyed it. A mindful morning for yourself is really important for your peace of mind. It is nice to take time for yourself without the distractions of the world coming at you. Just you, your thoughts and life around you. Being present and enjoying the moment in front of you.
It is called an art, because it takes a certain skill to be able to do this. Letting go is not easy for us humans to do. We love to attach to things. For us to find inner peace and have a healthy mindset it is important to let go. In the Buddhist practice, they state attachment creates suffering. Attachment allows us to hold on to things longer then we should.
We hold on to good, or bad memories, past relationships, people, expectations, things, past experiences, ideas and many other things. It is hard to move on, especially if we focus on only the good parts of these stories, and cling on to them. It is perfectly fine and healthy to look back on the past to learn, to see how far we come, to look back on the experiences we had, and the people in our lives. It start to affect us negatively when we yearn to go back, and want things how it was.
We like comfort. What we know brings us comfort. Good times brings us comfort. It can be hard to let go when things in your life at the moment aren’t the greatest. These times, it can be easy to want things they way they were. We must remember that inner peace comes from being in the moment. The past is gone, and the future hasn’t arrived yet. Both are illusions. We must learn to create joy in the present, so we don’t have to look to the past or future. If you can’t find joy, acceptance is powerful. Accept what is, and see what you can learn from being in the moment. Tough times can always spark up creativity and inspiration. It may suck now, but you can always work on making things better, rather than wallowing in self despair, which serves you no purpose.
We must remember that life is always changing. We are always evolving. Nothing stays the same. When we learn to accept this reality. We learn to live life more peacefully. If you continue to cling on to the past, people, things, etc,…It can create misery and suffering. Just think about how continuously looking to the past has served you?
Resisting changes leads to suffering. Wanting things to be comfortable all the time leads to suffering. Wanting to experience only good things leads to suffering. Let go of the idea that life should be a certain way. Let go of the control you think you have over others and life situations. Life is the way it is, always changing, with its struggles, and with its bad moments. Life is hard. Life is not perfect. Once you come to this realization. You will find peace and freedom, and the ability to let go with much more ease. I won’t say letting go will ever be easy, but your ability to handle letting go can get better with this realization, awareness and mindful practice.
I saw this quote in my mindfulness book. I thought it was a lovely and powerful quote about mindfulness. I wanted to share it and say something about it.
It is important to be reminded of what mindfulness is, even with years of mindfulness practice. I sometimes get lost in mindlessness. I really love the quote above. Its all about learning to live in the present, so one can find inner peace and calmness. Living in the past creates sadness, frustration, guilt, regret and sorrow. Living in the future creates stress, tension, anxiety and worry. We can always use the past as a tool to learn and grow, and we can use the future to set goals for ourselves, but clinging to the past or future should be avoided for your mental health and peace of mind.
I went on a mini vacation to Ocean City this weekend. It was quite lovely. I had ocean view, so it was nice to sit outside and hear and view the ocean. It was really peaceful and relaxing. This gave me the space to relax and chill. I had time to be more mindful, do some reading, journaling, some meditating and chatting up and connecting with my friend. It was a really nice time. It gave me time to think, let my thoughts out and reflect. I feel completely refreshed and rejuvenated from this trip. I recommend taking a trip to the beach if you need space to be more mindful and be at peace.
It was really wonderful to see the different colors of the sky throughout the day. I liked the changes. I even enjoyed viewing the grey and cloudy skies on the last day. It helped soothe my soul. I like sunny days and blue skies, but I also welcome cloudy, grey days. I think I learned to appreciate the darker, gloomy side of things, along with the brighter ones. Life is about balance, the ups and downs, the highs and lows, the good and the bad times. I appreciate them both. The yin and the yang.
Appreciating the Good times
I had a wonderful time there. It really made me appreciate the wonderful experiences I was able to have there, but I also realized this wouldn’t last, and I would have to go back home. Some dread going back and I thought I would, but by Sunday I was already missing home. I missed my plants. I missed the comfort of home, my bed, my room. I missed my routine. Some can take vacations for weeks. I realized a couple of days works just fine for me. I realized that I like a routine, and you don’t really get much of it on vacation. I enjoyed my time, but I wasn’t sad about leaving. I just come to appreciate great experiences like this. Not many get the chance to do things like this. I was able to have a nice ocean view like I always wanted to. It was a great time, but these great times won’t always last. Real life will come back.
Transitioning back to reality
For some like me, it is easy to transition back. I am happy to be back home. I am happy to see my plants again. Unfortunately some did suffer from my absence, but most did well. I am happy to be back to a routine. I am not too happy to get back to work, but it is part of life and I have come to accept it. There are some exhausting and overwhelming moments, but this job has provided many benefits for me. I don’t like to just focus on the bad, but look at both sides. There are good and bad to all things, even if you choose to just see the good or bad.
You may get caught up in vacation mode and want to stay there forever. Real life may not be as exciting, but there could be small joys you could bring to your life to make it a little more exciting. For me, it is my plants. Vacations are great, but if life is great all the time, how can you be able to appreciate and truly enjoy vacations when they come? Going back to work is the hardest, but it is part of living. Acceptance will set you free. Resistance will cultivate many negative thoughts and emotions, which will leave you in a negative place mentally. Tell yourself “it is what it is” and keep moving forward. You got to move forward, not backwards. It has already happened. Appreciate it and move on. Looking back is perfectly healthy, but yearning to go back can lead to a negative mindset.
I do still feel at peace from my trip. I am still motivated to write and read. This trip has really put me in a mindful place and I appreciate that. Just last night. I put on some beach sounds and did some writing and reading. Of course it wasn’t the same, but it gave me a familiar sensation from my trip. It kind of brought me back to it. It is nice to look back with fond memories of a good time. Life is not a vacation. It is hard work. It is full of struggles and pain. Vacations are there to get away for awhile. To enjoy, relax and experience wonderful moments. It isn’t an everyday life thing. Once you can accept that. Life back to reality will be much smoother.
Some love vacations and don’t want to come back, some love them, but are ready to come back after a couple days, some don’t care for it. I do think vacations are important to recharge oneself. We should enjoy life, while we can. We are all different and have different needs. Do what is best for your mental health. Some need two weeks, some need a couple of days. Just remember that you will eventually have to let go and move on to reality. Nothing you can do to change that, unless you get a job where you can travel a lot.
Most aren’t happy to be back, but I am. I got my comfort of home, my routine, my plants. I appreciate that it gave me material to write a post. It also put me in a place of peace and calm. The trip gave me a new perspective and outlook on things. It allowed me to experience something outside the norm. I feel refreshed and ready to get back to life.
Below are a couple of pictures from my hotel. I truly hope all of you had a chance to enjoy some time away and find some peace for the mind and body.
This type of habit may not be known to many. We may do it subconsciously and wonder why bad things continue to happen, or wonder why things don’t go our way. All of that can be due to self sabotaging. We tend to do this in the form of procrastination, avoiding promotions, not moving towards personal growth, turning to drugs, alcohol or food. There are plenty of ways we can find to sabotage our success and growth. Most of the time we don’t know we are doing it. So what is it? Why do we do it? And how can we overcome it?
What is it?
“Self-sabotage is when we actively or passively take steps to prevent ourselves from reaching our goals. This behaviour can affect nearly every aspect of life be it a relationship, a career goal, or a personal goal such as weight loss. Although very common, it is an incredibly frustrating cycle of behaviour that lowers our self-confidence and leave us feeling stuck. There are many reasons why someone may choose to self-sabotage but many stem from a lack of belief in ourselves”(lisajeffs.com).
What cultivates it?
There are many things that create self sabotaging habits. I will list a few down here.
Self-Congruence- This is when we want our outside world to fit into what we feel on the inside. If you have negative thoughts and feelings on the inside. You will most likely see more negative and focus more on the bad things in your life. This goes for the other side of things as well, but since sabotaging comes from a negative mindset. We will focus on that.
Glass ceiling-There is an imaginary ceiling that one believes they can not go over, or below it. They like to stay between the barriers. The person feels they don’t deserve more than their perceived ceiling can give them. They believe they only deserve this much, but not more.
Vulnerability avoidance-This is the fear of vulnerability or getting hurt. This is when you rather cut things before you have a chance to get hurt. This can go for relationship and career goals. You rather just avoid getting hurt, but in the process can lose something wonderful, due to your fear of the worse case scenario.
Imposter Phenomenon-When you do not believe your success or happiness is a true representation of yourself or what you can do. You don’t believe you can continue this success. Maybe you believe it is just luck. You think to yourself, that you don’t deserve this. You think things will eventually go down hill.
Lack of confidence/self worth- This is a really important reason. If you don’t believe in your worth. You will not be able to grow and move forward. You will not be able to reach the places you want to go in life.
Fear of failure-We don’t like to fail or make mistakes, so we do whatever we can to avoid doing that, not being aware that failure is a part of life.
Protect ego-We got our pride. We don’t want to do anything that can hurt it. By taking a leap and doing things outside our comfort zone. It may allow us to see that maybe we aren’t as perfect as we thought, or can’t do as much as we thought. Although we can easily talk down to ourselves. We also don’t want to be a failure.
Comfort-We love comfort, so we do what we can to avoid stepping away from it, even if it can make us more fulfilled, successful and happy.
Complaining-This type of behavior doesn’t really solve anything. It just keeps you stuck.
Comparisons to others-It is hard to get anywhere when you compare yourself to other people’s success. If you don’t match up. You give up. We should try to focus on our growth, rather than others, so we can continue pushing ourselves. You never know how far you can go, but comparisons can halt that.
Blaming others-Putting the blame on others takes control away from you. Taking control away from you gives you less power, and makes you less likely to push yourself forward.
Putting yourself down-Negative self-talk can definitely cultivate habits of sabotaging oneself. Believing you can’t do something, or don’t deserve something, or that you aren’t good enough. Will keep you stuck.
Self concept is fixed-Believing you can never change and that growth is impossible. The thing is you can always evolve. Who you are today can be different than who you are next year. The self is not fixed.
What can be done to overcome it?
Be mindful-Practicing mindfulness and learning to be present in the moment can help you become aware of your self sabotaging habits, and the thoughts the come along with it.
Self acceptance-Learning to accept the person you are-the good and the bad-can help reduce sabotaging habits. If you accept yourself, you can accept any possibility the comes your way. Whatever happens you know you did all you can do, and you are happy with just that. You learn with acceptance is all you can do is try, as long as you try you achieved something.
Gain confidence-This goes along with self-acceptance. Through acceptance you can gain confidence. Being aware of your strengths and using them to your advantage goes along way. Learning to build your strengths and utilizing them to help you grow is all part of confidence. This can push you to achieve the goals you like and to keep you from staying comfortable and stuck.
Journal/Self-reflect-This puts your thoughts out there. It gives you a chance to become aware of these habits and figure out ways to move past them. Once you are able to become aware of these thoughts and habits through introspection. You may realize how unhelpful they are to your self growth.
Get out of comfort zone/Face your fear-I know it is easier said than done, but comfort can only get to so far. Time to count backwards 5,4,3,2,1 and go! Everything that has helped me evolve, grow and move up has come from getting out of my comfort zone and facing fears. You will feel discomfort and anxiety, but those feelings are normal. Learning to push past it is an important skill to learn to stop us from sabotaging ourselves.
Understanding the root cause-Digging deep and learning the real reason for these habits can help you figure out the problem, learn, and improve.
Rise above negative emotions-Like I mentioned, feelings of anxiety, discomfort, fear, tension will arise. It is learning how to continue going forward that is important.
Set goals and plans-Start small, something manageable to help push you. Every little step counts. With every step you will gain more confidence and feel more comfortable.
Accept failures-You will not always succeed. You will make mistakes. It is all part of the human experience. When you accept this it will be easier for you not to sabotage any opportunity or chance you get.
Let go of perfectionism-You have flaws. We all have flaws. Accepting you are not perfect puts our ego in check. It also allows you to put yourself out there more.
Self sabotaging habits are harmful for our growth and personal development. It may create comfort and safety. But it also cultivates many negative thoughts and behaviors that keep us stuck. It is important to learn to become aware of these habits, so we can break away from them and live a more fulfilling life.
This is a very important lesson to learn in life. It is important we learn to enjoy and make use of our time with ourselves. I write this post, because I had plans with friends this weekend, but it didn’t work out, due to them being busy with other things. I could get annoyed, angry, be bitter, place blame on myself or them, create negative thoughts of myself or them, or have self-pity. This can all create a world of loneliness and depression.
I did feel a tinge of loneliness and felt a bit down, but that is normal. Having these feelings are normal and okay, but what you do with it is what matters. I rather use it to fuel my creativity. It allowed me to write this post. Difficulties, adversity, and negative feelings can be helpful for my creativity. I come to learn to actually appreciate them, because they help me learn more about myself and how much growth I have had.
The time alone gave me time to reflect, read the book I wanted to finish, and do other things that I enjoy doing on my own. People have their lives. They can’t always be there when you need them. I would have liked the company of friends this weekend, but it did not happen, and I am totally fine with that. I can hope to meet up with them in the future. No resentment. No anger. No self-pity. No negativity. Just acceptance. Focusing on making my time alone enjoyable and productive.
We must remember the world doesn’t revolve around us. They have their lives. You have yours. You also won’t always be there for others when they need you, so we should accept the other way around. You can only truly depend on yourself. If you learn to work on yourself, and learn more about yourself. You can learn to embrace and enjoy your own company. Having connections is important, but these connections won’t always be available, so enjoying time with you is essential for your happiness and well-being.