I am writing this post, because I recently talked to a friend who is dealing with the loss of her grandfather. There were laughs, crying, happiness, joy and sadness. Also, feelings of guilt and sorrow. With many questions. This is quite normal when dealing with grief. Emotions are all over the place, and that is perfectly fine.
I was happy to be there for her to vent, and to talk about her grandfather. She had lovely stories to tell. All of these things that happened are totally normal for grief. There will be ups and down, even in a span of 30 minutes. You will not get over it quickly. You will struggle to come to terms with the loss. There will be questions about death. These are ways we cope.
We try to suppress our sadness, the tears, anger, guilt, frustrations, but we have to remember it is part of the process of healing. We want to get over it, but it just isn’t possible. You may even start putting blame on yourself for having these feelings, or putting blame on yourself for not doing too much, or being there enough for your loved one that has passed. This is quite normal, but we must be reminded, during this fragile time to be kind to ourselves, and remember that we are not perfect, and that you most likely did all you can do.
It will take time to recover. In the meantime, allow your emotions to flow through you. It may be hard at times, but it can be really helpful to just let go. Try not to be ashamed of crying. It is your body’s way of letting your sorrows out. It is better to let it out, than to suppress it.
We all grieve in different ways. At a different pace. So cry, some don’t. Some talk, some are silent. Some lash out, some stay calm. Some prefer to be around others, some prefer solitude. There is no wrong or right way to grieve, unless it purposely causes harm to others, others than that grieve how you want. Death is the most difficult thing to cope with in life. It is one of life’s biggest struggles.
The journey to recovery can take time, especially if it was someone close to you. Also, if there is someone close to you who lost someone, please try to take time to be there for them, and check on them. Giving them a space to talk and vent is important. All you have to do is listen and be empathetic.
I also recommend during the grieving process to be creative and productive. Try some meditation, exercise, journal, and read as well. Most importantly, keep your distance from social media as that can hinder your healing process. There will be times when you just want to lay down and do nothing, that is perfectly fine. You’ll need that mental and physical break.
Another thing I like to mention is, I preach living in the moment, but I found the importance of pictures, while visiting my friend. She had many photos of her grandfather. It was nice to see, and it is nice to look back on them. I get being in the moment, but memories fade, and pictures can be helpful in keeping memories alive. It made me realize I should take more pictures.