I have written a previous post on this topic Rise From Disappointment I like to talk more on this subject, since I have been feeling a bit of disappointment lately. Disappointment is defined as sadness, or displeasure caused by the non-fulfillment of one’s hope and expectations.
We may have to face lots of disappointments, during these times with lots of plans being undetermined, or cancelled. I had plans, and goals this year, but it will most likely not happen, due to this pandemic, and how things are changing. I am a bit disappointed at the probability of the many concerts I planned to go to this summer not happening.
I will say, it is okay to feel disappointed, these feelings are part of life, and being human. Learning to accept these feelings can help one move forward. Hopes and expectations can lead to a person feeling sad, angry, disappointed, and unfulfilled. It is okay to make plans, hope, and be excited for future experiences. We just have to remember that life is unpredictable, and there is a possibility things won’t work out as planned. When we look towards the future, we are creating a world that doesn’t exist, whether it is an exciting, or scary experience. We don’t know what the future holds. The future experience we create in our minds doesn’t always mean it will become reality.
I found something interesting online that discusses the set-up of disappointment. They mention five steps.
1.You are in a situation where the outcome is uncertain
2.You hope for a positive outcome
3.You feel you deserve the positive outcome
4.You’re surprised you didn’t achieve the outcome
5.You couldn’t control the outcome through personal achievement
Source:https://www.bestpsychologydegrees.org/the-psychology-of-disappointment/
Number 3 is a key point. We tend to feel things are owed to us in life, but the reality is nothing is owed to us. Good things are not owed to us. Great experiences are not owed to us. Being aware of this can help one from not feeling anger, or bitterness towards oneself, or the world. It will stop you from asking why questions, like why me?, or why does bad things happen to me?, or why does the universe hate me? Questions like that, which necessarily doesn’t serve you in any way.
The last point is also important to look at. It sucks when something is out of our control. We don’t like when we can’t control a situation. It makes us feel powerless. Although, we can’t control the situation. We can control how we handle it, and how we can move forward from it. And that is also a powerful thing.
My plans may not happen, but I know there are plenty of other joyful experiences out there that I can experience, like taking scenic walks, going to the park, and going on hikes. I will just hope that I can experience these concerts someday in the future, that is all I can do. I know the excitement of the experience was created in my mind, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it will happen the way I envision it, and that is okay. This mindset can also work towards stressful, or scary future situations that make you anxious. It may not be as bad as you think it will be, just like a fun experience may not be as exciting. Reality is different from our mind’s expectations. I will try to focus my energy on the experiences I can control.
Disappointment is a reality we should try to face, so we don’t end falling into a world of despair, sadness, and anger. In the end, with mindfulness, and life’s unpredictability. It is about facing reality, and the acceptance of that reality. This will help set your mind at ease, and create a more peaceful and happy life for oneself. It definitely helped for me.
Psychology of Mindfulness 